“I hate myself when I get mad at my wife. I just lose it! I see red when Helena hasn’t done the household chores and there is no food in the refrigerator. I scream and lose control, but I just can’t stop. Then I feel like a monster when she cringes with fear and [...]
“I’m tired of everyone depending on me to get things done!” Shelly said, screwing her face up into a pout of rebellious anger. At 32-years of age, Shelly had opened a beauty salon, offering premium quality hair treatments, make up, manicure, pedicure and weight-loss services. After graduating top of her class in beauty school, [...]
Unresolved Sibling Rivalry - the narrative of the co-dependent adult couple “I hate it when Bianca makes me feel small and incompetent, but I’d feel like a terrible person if I abandoned her,” said 35-year-old digital advertising consultant, Javier. “I hate it when Javier won’t let me out of his sight and taunts me [...]
“Stop being so defensive!” is a common missile thrown by one partner at the other, in an effort to defend their self-image. It’s the age old game of “I’m not perfect, but neither are you!” There is always a tussle for who is the angel and who is the devil during interactions where insecure [...]
Mothering preteens is both exasperating and bitter sweet as your cute kids navigate the world with their own minds and developing bodies. Preteens fluctuate between being clingy and needy to pulling away from a leash that feels both safe yet restrictive. Mothering preteens is awkward, and unstable, shifting mothering duties from care taking to [...]
“I’m waiting for my partner to change” is a phrase that appears to come up over and over again in my work with individuals who are struggling in relationships that are sometimes safe and satisfying, but at other times devaluing, diminishing and dismissive. Waiting for a partner to change – when does it start? [...]
Why Can’t I Control My Anger? “Why can’t I control my anger” is a desperate cry I hear from so many people who pick up the phone and desperately want help in turning that switch off. “Why can’t I control my anger when the slightest little thing irritates me?” “Why can’t I control my anger [...]
Thin Skin Narcissists Operate on Rage and Passive Aggression Thin skin narcissists are highly sensitive, envious and insecure. They react instantly to any observation about them that isn’t superlative. They tend to withdraw and treat others as potentially hostile and dangerous, and likely to victimize them. Thin skin types feel enormous shame when they are [...]
A long awaited vacation was coming up for thirty-nine-year-old Alex who was looking forward to seeing his younger sister Fiona, 3000 miles away. He wanted to go with her to an exhibition of ancient and modern pottery that they both loved. Practicing throwing pots in a class on ceramic ware, he had made a gift for Fiona’s family using a special design with a color tint of his creation. A week before his flight to Salem Oregon where Fiona lived with her husband and two children, Alex began to imagine that Fiona would be too busy to join him in visiting the exhibits and having fun at their old haunts. He recalled previous occasions when he had high hopes of rekindling their childhood closeness, only to find that she was either non-committal, busy, or with him in body but not in spirit.
Have you been the one to take care of family when others bailed out or abandoned you? Are you the one that keeps family members together at the expense of your own life? Perhaps you felt righteous, strong and saintly doing what needed to be done when everyone else behaved irresponsibly. .Over time the anger turns to rage, and the rage burns you. It makes you want to inflict on your family members what you went through. Suppressed anger makes you exhausted, stressed and unable to concentrate on your work or your routine tasks. Buried anger affects your sleep and your eating patterns. You can no longer live trapped and almost strangled to death by the anger that you have stored up against your family members you use you, abuse your sense of responsibiity and take advantage of your saintliness.
