Comments from: How to Deal with a Critical Partner

“This is the first time I found useful marriage advice on YouTube I usually struggle with criticism from my husband, but it’s very hard for me not to take in what he says, because when I try to prove myself that I am making an effort, he says that it’s not true and I’m worthless. He curses me out right. When I cry, he calls me a baby, and when I don’t say anything he calls me garbage. When I put so much effort to please him and clean the entire house with every bit of energy I have, he won’t care & just ignores me, or he will find something that I did NOT do, and criticize me for that.” Art Heart

“This is 100% accurate!!!” Greg Baker

“I love this !!!thank you . Very encouraging” Juju Pell

“Oh my goodness I could have used that one last night. My husband got news from his son that he doesn’t seem to hear from that often that he has two kids from two different women and he took something silly and blew it up way out of proportion to the point where I wasn’t sure he liked a gosh darn thing about me”  Tina Hernandez

“I have lost all my confidence I don’t even know who I am, anymore it’s all about me making him happy, doing things for him. He is constantly looking at what I do what I wear, how I talk. Everything about me is not right.” Cleopatra Banda

Comments from: How to Deal with Paranoia in Relationships

“Dr Raymond, thank you for your videos. I have a spouse who will sometimes accuse me and I remembered your advice on not denying their reality, and you are very correct that it causes a reciprocal fear in me when I am accused of an act of disloyalty— particularly as the thing I am accused of is not something that should be seen as disloyal because it’s not a wholly reasonable expectation. Nevertheless it’s not the case. Your advice helped me not escalate. However, as I couldn’t agree with her accusations/suspicions but didn’t want to argue or deny her reality (combined with my own fear triggered by knowing what is happening) — this caused me to hesitate in my responses and sound tentative in my simple denial and not offer a “defense”. Unfortunately this led to a sense that I was guilty because I wasn’t “firm” in my denial (particularly as I normally tend to be adamant but have been working on not being defensive as a healthier response)”Ian Tepoot

(the exact spelling has been left in to preserve the authenticity of the author)

Thank you so much for this amazing clarification, it feels good to know that im not the only one facing a paranoid paratner that is full of fear and unease. i’ve been with my BF for 6 months now , i didn’t know that he suffers from paranoid personality disorder until we moved together; in the beginning of the relationship he was so loving; sweat and caring but after we started spending all of the time together he started to constanly accuse me and attack me verbaly , he even makes me feel constantly down and punished for loving him. First i didn’t know what was i putting myslf into; we started comunicationg more about the reason of our conflicts until he admitted to me that he feel a lot of paranoia and distrust toward me even tho he really loves me and we want to get married soon ; we still fight so much over hes anger issues and overreactions and were still trying to find ways to make it work. i would love to read tips of other people who have the same experience . ” Samgan Bhr

“Dr. Jeanette, thank you for a clearer understanding of this disorder. My partner and I have been dealing with a lot from an accident he got into. After the accident he became very distant and keeps saying more bad things are going to happen if he stays with me. He thinks me and my family and friends are bad luck, what can I do to convince him that I am not that way?” Ameda Harris

“Thank you so much. I never know how to deal with my boyfriend’s paranoid attacks. He hurts me so much I just want to leave, and then he uses that against me as if he hadn’t caused it. Your explanation helped a lot.” Panther Sphinx

“Dr. Raymond, I can’t thank you enough for your video on paranoia. My wife, to whom I’ve been married for about 18 years, recently chose to divorce me. We had six kids together and it tore apart our family. I was absolutely devastated and unsure if I could survive it. It felt like everything that was important to me was being taken away. I now get my children 50% of the time and I am super grateful for that, but I really hurt when I can’t be with them. My marriage mirrored both what you and the commenters have shared. Throughout our marriage, she has regularly turned me into a “bad guy“, always needed to know what I am doing, turned quickly to anger and often to rage, and often struggled with gratitude and being able to appreciate kindnesses I have offered. I actually feel like she had emotional blinders on, like the ones horses wear that only allow them to see one direction – she couldn’t see the big picture or what was really happening around her. I have been extremely patient and loving throughout our marriage, so to be turned on like this felt like such an act of betrayal. The hurt was unbelievable and she won’t even talk to or communicate with me anymore – it all goes through her dad. When not affected by PPD she is a truly amazing person. She has a wonderful family, too, that I just love, but she’s told them so many untrue, awful things about me that none of them are interested in continuing a relationship with me, at least not at this point (I hold out hope for the future, though). Seeing that she sincerely believes his things, others believe what she says. So I feel like I’ve lost so many friendships, too. All of these things have come to show me how much our lives are truly affected by the actions of others and the importance of being able to forgive to free everyone up from the negativity, bitterness, anger, and vengeance that can ruin our lives. I actually feel empathy for her because she didn’t choose to be born have a brain that would cause her think rationally – she would clearly desire the opposite. Her brain’s Way of functioning is not her fault whatsoever and I would probably do the same things if my brain function similarly to hers. In addition, I recognize that one of my children also exhibits the symptoms of PPD, and I look forward to applying the knowledge you have shared and helping him receive CBT therapy. (Although I don’t know who, apparently mental illness runs through my wife’s family). I didn’t know she had PPD until we were in the middle of the divorce process, so I never knew how to help her (she’s always had anxiety and depression, too, and that’s where I had focusing my efforts). I very, very, much appreciate your video because you actually gave us advice on what to do. I’ve known that she has PPD but not how to work with her. Understanding that she is afraid, sometimes terrified, really helps me understand where she’s coming from. Knowing to not challenge her logically, to validate her feelings of fear, and to help her feel safe – these are actual things I can take action on. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!! I have needed to know what to do. I have felt that my life was destroyed and have trying to make my way forward. I’ve been in terrible pain but gradually it is easing. My marriage is gone but this gives me hope that maybe we could have a decent coparenting relationship if I can help her to feel safe. Reading the experiences from other commenters out there strengthens in me the feeling that I am not alone, and I hope that in adding my experience, others may find the same comfort. Your willingness to share this with the world is truly changing lives and I feel indebted to you. Thank you so much.” Aaron Bitton

“I wish I had found this video months ago. My ex had drug induced paranoia for two years. He accused me of plotting to kill him, being part of a secret organization controlling his life, surveilling him, etc. I never reacted the right way. Eventually everything came to a breaking point and we split up. I hope other people in similar situations finds this video early enough to make a difference.”

Comments from: How Daughters Can End Codependent Relationships With Their Mothers

“Man this is exactly my life situation. Including not living my own adult life bc I run back emotionally to my mom. She doesn’t let me breathe. But it’s my fault that I didn’t leave her behind a decade ago like I knew I should have. My mother puts herself in the middle of all my friendships and even between me and my in laws. And the financial set up is the same, now she has a noose around my neck by paying for my tuition (by forcing me back into school in the first place so I’m in that situation). But if I can put up with her for 2 years then I’ll have the degree and can be free. Also now I see why she hates my husband and is trying to get me to divorce him… so I’ll come back to her…Your explanation helped a lot.” Serena Q

“Thank you so much for this lovely video. It is completely me…I have now lost my partner because of my mother and she just does NOT see what she does. If i try and move out she cries and begs and calls me insensitive and then I cave :(” Bee W

“My Mother and I had a terrible relationship when I was a child. She was the “Mother Dearest” type when I was growing up. I felt like a servant and I need permission to say how I felt. Around 16 we began to be closer and have the love hate relationship. But I felt like she was always competing with me and comparing herself. I had no friends outside of her because she always seen an issue with them. I am now 28 years old divorced after 2 years of being married to a narc. I am back at home and I am an an extremely co-dependent relationship with my mother. She does things like show up at my part time job. I believe she sabotaged my car to keep me from being independent. She lives vicariously through me and makes it very difficult to live my own life. Yet I am always made to feel selfish. She sabotages and manipulates me with financials by increasing my rent or not paying her bills like the water bill or the gas bill and then tell me its about to be shut off and I have to give all my money to cover my bills. I feel guilty all the time I am trying to get out. I just want to be myself.” Seraphina Santiago B

“I’m dealing with this right now, and being in a pandemic has made it even harder to get out. The veil is being lifted and I see that she’s completely capable of healing and caring for herself, she’s just jealous and wants me under her thumb for as long as she can hold me down. I’m praying and planning for a way to gtfoh and start my own life because I’m 26 now. It hurts to realize how manipulative she has been for so long. She’s the kind of mother who will probably threaten to write me out of her will for leaving, but who cares. I need to be able to breathe.” Episensitive    (typos have been left in as is)

Comments from: Why Can’t I Control My Anger?

“Yes! Sandra and I definitely have mirror experiences. Mostly, my anger shows up when interacting with my kids, particularly with my middle daughter. And I feel so guilty and shameful for how she’s experiencing her childhood, because of the aggression I’ve brought to our relationship.” Allison Lewis-Fleming

“sounds like you just explained my life with my stepdad as a child” Zwint gaming

“I also cannot control my temper and it’s like I become someone else that I don’t even recognise….I cannot control it…I get so angry that it ends up giving me a bad headache…”
Lyonne Faze

Comments from: Mourning the Loss of a Parent you Didn’t Get on With

“Dr. Raymond, I’m very grateful I have found your video on this. Everything you mentioned in this video was 100% spot on for me; I wanted to know if I were wrong. The short video has validated my situation. Thank you for this and Stay Well.” Jordan Garza

“Thank you for this. I’m currently going through this after losing my father and I’m having a hard time making sense of my emotions. Your video was very helpful.” mondongazo

“I watched this with curiosity after trying heal so many years later, I wish I knew about this very long time ago. I just want to say you are truly a blessing for helping people for feeling lost or co” Carlos Pack

“Wow, I’ve experienced all of those stages. I feel that I have mourned the loss of the ideal father figure that my biological father never fulfilled. One challenge that I’m experiencing is anger that my sister had a father figure and I did not.” TheNinito25

“thankyou this was perfect it really validated some feelings I’m having that I thought were strange.” Lee Macfarlane

Comments on Mothers Impact on Sons

“Respect. Your awesome”
Frank Gibbons