Are You Struggling To Find Or Foster The Relationship You Want?

anger man looking up with fists 199x300 - Individual Relationship CounselingAre you feeling unhappy or unlucky in love? Is it difficult for you to find a suitable partner or to make relationships work? Perhaps you’re a successful, attractive woman who can’t find the man you’re looking for. Or, maybe you are a man with a lot to offer who can’t find a partner who wants and values you. You might be in an unfulfilling relationship and feel that you lack the courage, strength or resources to leave. It may be that unresolved issues related to past and present family dynamics are keeping you from enjoying a meaningful partnership. Has rejection, anxiety, limited opportunities or a string of failed relationships left you feeling tired, trapped or stuck? Do you wish you felt liberated, courageous and empowered to find the right partner and live the life you want?

Feeling unfulfilled in love can be a lonely, upsetting and oftentimes exhausting experience. Whether you’re tired of trying to find the right partner or have found yourself in yet another unsatisfying relationship, it may seem that frustration and a sense of defeat is the norm. Perhaps you have ongoing stressful interactions with family members that not only deplete you, but also make you envy others. You may be feeling hopeless and fed up of trying so hard to make relationships work only to be disappointed and hurt on a continual basis. You may want to throw in the towel and imagine the positives of living alone and away from those who are likely to hurt you. But, deep inside, do you long for the happiness, security and passion that can come with a stable and secure relationship?

Relationship Issues Affect Us All

Stable, secure, reliable and consistent relationships are the foundation on which we build our self-esteem, our confidence and our motivation to fulfill our potential. Without that safe base to rely on, life is miserable and often purposeless. You may be one of those people who has missed out on that base, finding yourself anxious, and uncertain about your relationship status. If you’re struggling with relationship issues, you are not alone. In fact, I don’t know anyone who isn’t or hasn’t experienced relationship problems. Whether we’re aware of it or not, what we saw, felt and learned about relationships in childhood is resurrected in our adult relationships. For instance, it may not have been okay for you to express your feelings when you were small, and now as an adult you carry that ‘ban’ inside you. Maybe you were made to feel like a nuisance or a burden. suspicion 200x300 - Individual Relationship CounselingPerhaps you felt that you had to be perfect to get acknowledgement and validation, and now people see you as strong and self-contained, which can put off potential partners. If you were the caretaker in your family while growing up, you may still take care of everyone around you, giving the impression that you don’t need any care yourself, when in reality you are hungry and longing for your needs to be as important to significant others as theirs are to you.

These powerful childhood experiences stay with you and carry over into adulthood, often interfering with the pathways for mutually satisfying connections. Fear of not being the perfect child, friend or partner, as well as guilt for wanting to be your true self, can hamper your ability to engage in trusting relationships.

Regardless of what’s keeping you stuck in a pattern of relationship unhappiness, there is help and hope. When you aren’t comfortable giving yourself permission to do what makes you feel good, a therapist attuned to your needs can do that and help you take over when it feels safe to.

Individual Relationship Counseling Can Help You Feel Empowered And Alive

Relationship counseling can be extremely effective, especially if you are willing to delve into self-exploration, can commit to working through old patterns and want to engage in new ways of thinking, behaving and relating that can change your life.

In safe, confidential relationship therapy sessions, we’ll work in the moment to identify, explore and address the fears you carry, expectations you have of yourself and others and what you truly want out of relationships. Essentially, we’ll get to the root of what’s keeping you from finding a relationship and/or what keeps you stuck in unhappy ones.

I can also help you see yourself as a person in your own right, separate from family members, entitled to make independent choices. As you work on getting in tune with your desires, you can learn how to get what you want without fear of harming or losing loved ones in the process. For instance you might be afraid that if you date someone your parents don’t approve of, you will lose their love and respect. Relationship counseling can help you deal with these internal and external conflicts in ways that honor all your needs. And, as you begin to identify and work through the patterns you’ve carried into adulthood from childhood, you can clear out all the stale and fruitless rules of engagement, make room to breathe fresh air and discover the lovable person you really are.

showing thoughtfulness  200x300 - Individual Relationship CounselingI provide a safe therapeutic relationship built on trust. As we work in the moment, I reflect patterns I notice back to you and provide you with insight as to how you engage in relationships. The way you are in sessions with me mirrors the way you are with other people. Through the intimate relationship that we develop, you can become aware of the exact moment when you felt misunderstood, criticized, unseen or angry. Together we unravel the threads that lead up to bad or conflicting feelings and create an opportunity for you to have a different experience with me than you are accustomed to. Through this process, your brain can be rewired, developing new, more trusting and safe ways to interact.

I will tailor the therapy to best address your specific needs, history, personality, lifestyle and relationship goals. I meet you where you are emotionally, providing comfort when it’s needed, but also gently pushing you to delve into the powerful work of self-exploration in order to make important changes in your life.

With support and guidance, it is possible to work through the issues that have been keeping you unfulfilled in relationships. Once you take responsibility for your own happiness, you can begin to feel empowered and free to enjoy healthy relationships, feeling nourished and whole.

You still may have questions and concerns about individual relationship counseling…

How can relationship therapy help me find a partner?

Individual relationship counseling can help you gain the insight needed to attract and sustain a healthy relationship. Fear of abandonment, fear of being used, fear of betrayal and fear of not being lovable are the most common ‘pre-set’ obstacles that prevent you from feeling safe enough to give yourself up to another person. In sessions, I can help you recognize the impediments in your way while exploring your wants and expectations. You can also learn how to reframe negative thoughts and let go of the restrictions and conditions that may be keeping you from connecting with potential partners. By loosening up a little, building self-confidence and opening up to new experiences, you may be surprised by the new opportunities that arise.

I’ve heard that relationship counseling can take a long time.

Relationship counseling is an investment in yourself and your happiness. And, it’s important to understand that it’s not the length of time spent in therapy that’s of importance, but rather how motivated you are to take charge of your happiness. It can take time to work through deep issues and ideas formed in childhood and find the freedom inside of you. That said, the length of time spent in counseling is really up to you and determined by how ready and willing you are to explore past patterns and current desires. Although some changes may feel difficult, they can inevitably lead to contentment.

I tried therapy in the past and it didn’t help. How would working with you be any different?

In sessions, we immediately dive into the emotions brought up by current relationships. While we will look into the past to identify core issues, most of the work is really about being in the room with me and exploring what comes up in the present moment. Working in this way can give you immediate insight into what’s working and what’s not in your relationships and in your life. This awareness is vital to making sustainable changes in how you perceive yourself and relate with others. I help you feel safe enough to visit your sore and rough spots, and, once there, I hold you. I keep you company, offer compassion and allow you to have an alternative nurturing experience with me—different than you had originally experienced when the wounds were fresh. I can help empower you to become the master of yourself by taking the stings out of your past experiences that make you afraid of connecting. After having a reliable connection with me, you can interact in ways that allow you to be comfortable with who you are so you don’t have to try and please everyone in order to have a relationship.

You Can Enjoy Fulfilling And Freeing Relationships

I invite you to take the next step and call my office at 310-985-2491 to schedule an initial appointment. Your relationship happiness is an investment that matters.