Julio a 43-year-old solar panel engineer had a natural genius for noticing a problem and fixing it. It was a gift he used to make his partner Geena, a 44-year-old artisan baker happy and satisfied. He expected that she would be enthralled, take him into her world and keep him there, safe, cozy, and [...]
Giving up on important aspects in your relationship is deflating. Giving into your partner feels as if you are denying important parts of yourself in favor of your romantic relationship. Giving up on something you want, or giving up on getting through to your partner is a sense of defeat and or disempowerment. Giving [...]
Stonewalling is a form of passive aggressive interaction where one person in a close relationship withdraws from the other, to punish you for wounding them and making them feel insecure. In order to manage the threat of that insecurity they turn the tables and attempt to shift the insecurity to the other person. It’s [...]
Are you exhausted taking care of your partner, your family, your extended family, your colleagues and your living arrangements? Does it make you feel good that you attended to your partner and children, put them first and played the role of dutiful and loving care giver? Perhaps you think that by making everything and everyone else your priority that you will be rewarded with appreciation, recognition, and admiration. But there is probably another part of you that is aching to get off the treadmill and feed your soul. You know you are depleted and often not able to enjoy your relationship as much as you would if you didn't feel burdened with never ending duties and jobs. You know that most of the day you shut off your feelings and needs because they conflict with your dutiful self. So you kind of 'die' inside, feeling less than human. When you aren't able to fully enjoy your relationship, you put it in jepoardy. If you can't fully participate emotionally then the threads of connection get lose and threaten the unity between you. In order to avoid losing your connection, you have to take care of yourself and others. It's not an either or situation, it's a "both" scenario. It doesn't mean leaving them and going on trips or avoiding chores for a day or two, but rather a recognition of your humanity and the important role it plays in maintaining and sustaining your most important relationship.
Have you ever been told to keep a journal and felt your heart sink to your boots? Is the idea of journaling stressful in itself? Perhaps you don't want to dwell on what's going on inside you because its messy Maybe you want to feel strong and the best way of doing it is to ignore bad feelings and hope they will just go away. You may be veery good at keeping your anger, stress, resentment, revengeful thoughts and feelings under cover, but they have a way of coming out in full force when you are least expecting it. Out of the blue a small irritation turns into a melt down and you don't understand how this could have happened. Your store of anger and stressful experiences found a tiny window when you got irritated and used that moment to escape, embarrasing you in the process.
Are you a man who is an obedient, loyal, dependable guy with your female partner? Do you give her the authority to make decisions, take the lead and initiative on parenting, spending money and organizing your social life? Then you may be very conficted about having no power yourself just so you can ensure that you are loved and cared for. Maybe you just don't know which part of you to go with? What will the consequences be if you take on a more authoritative role? How will it be if you continue to avoid asserting yourself? You know that inside you there is a raging bull ready to smash everything that smacks of needing to depend on your female partner for care.
Do you feel frustrated and angry when other people like you, and see your worth, BUT your partner thinks you are a waste of space and is always complaining about you? Why be pushed and pulled, when you know who you really are and like it? All you get is insomnia, anxiety, pain and suffering. Maybe you have a wish that one day your partner will stop being blind and see what a treasure you are, and be eternally grateful! You know that it is unlikely, and that you can hope and wait for ever, OR you can take steps to fulfill that wish yourself. This video tells you how to do that by following 2 steps, on a consistent basis. Do it for yourself or work with me individually so that you can end your suffering.
Overwhelmed with the prospect of having to manage the finances of the household, thirty-three-year-old Andy gave his power over to his thirty-two-year-old wife who was a whiz at it. He enjoyed the lack of responsibility and the chance not to have to worry about money. UNTIL his wife complained bitterly that he was not pulling his weight. He would get involved for a short time to appease her, but soon drifted back into his old ways until the next time she exploded. Sometimes he acted like a robot not to feel the shame and blame and other times he was passive aggressive, playing the martyr to her abuser roles. What if Andy chose one or more of the healthier ways of owning and exerting his power so that he didn't have to give it away and get it back in the less healthy ways?
Are you envious of other peoples relationships? Are you consumed with frustration that other people seem to get what they want and have the 'perfect' relationship while you are struggling to get off the ground? When you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your own relationship, other couples are viewed in idealistic terms. You imagine that just because they are out together or buying groceries together that their relationship must be warm and stress free. You wan the same thing! You don't know why you can't have it, and you feel life is treating you unfairly, despite you being a 'good' person. Thats what happened to thirty-seven year old Jocelyn after her marriage ended in divorce.
Angela and Josh a newly married couple were at logger heads about Angela's mother telling him how to treat and take care of her daughter. She kept calling and texting him about Angela's food needs, her anxieties, her need to get pregnant and the need for child to be a son. Josh tried to talk to Angela about his distaste for being told how to be a good husband by his mother-in-law, but Angela secretly smiled. She was thrilled that her mother was on Josh's back to do the 'right thing' by her, because she was too scared to do it herself. She loved that her mother was her champion, and whipping up her husband to do the same. What Angela didn't appreciate was that Josh was feeling emasculated and furious. He was angry about the temerity of his mother-in-law to tell him what to do, as if he knew nothing of his wife's needs. He was fuming that he wasn't given a chance to find his feet in his new role as a husband., But most of all he was livid that his wife enjoyed seening him as a puppet controlled by her mother.
