Spotting Insecurities and Addressing Them to Strengthen Relationships Spotting insecurities in yourself can be scary and shameful as a client recently told me about being stuck in a relationship where he felt demeaned and devalued. He wanted to learn how to become more secure inside of himself to withstand the put downs, let downs [...]
Feeling trapped in a loveless marriage is unbearable. But it doesn't have to mean a life time of suffering if you discover the profound beliefs that keep you trapped and prevent you from being yourself and worthy of love in the marriage.
How to Deal with a Constantly Critical Partner The Constantly Critical Partner - a Mixture of Magnetism and Recoil How many times a day do you feel like escaping your constantly critical partner? Remember anticipating that nagging voice of your constantly critical partner on the way home, making you put your wall up before you get [...]
Unrealistic Expectations Breed Self-Defeating Behaviors Unrealistic expectations may be your biggest enemy! Do you ever want something really badly, but then when it comes it sucks? It drops like a massive bomb of disappointment and lets you down. Either it isn’t the right way, or given with the wrong attitude, or not in the right [...]
5 Tips ForDealing with Paranoia in a Relationship Dealing with Paranoia in a Relationship Do you ever think your partner is ‘paranoid?’ When your partner accuses you of something that feels so off the wall, do you silently wonder whether your partner is no longer in the real world? If so then dealing with [...]
Low self-esteem is one of the most significant factors affecting the success or otherwise of romantic relationships. Men and women both suffer from low self- esteem, and both genders are equally sensitive to esteem issues in their partnerships. Partners who seek couples counseling struggle to manage issues around low self-esteem, longing to feel valued and worthwhile and most fail in that quest, feeling hopeless and devalued. Failure to cure low self-esteem The reason so many people dont succeed in getting their partners to raise their low self-esteem is that they dont work on the core fears around losing connection if they pursue their personal paths. They give up self-enhancement for connection and end up with low self-esteem.
Fantasy Love is Better Than Reality Love Fantasy love is better than reality love because you can do anything you want in the fantasy - you can have the partner of your dreams; you can be adored or vilified; you can suffer like a martyr or you can enjoy an affectionate intimacy. Fantasy love gives [...]
Food and Relationships How you eat is how you relate Food and relationships are intertwined in the most intricate and intimate ways. Your eating style is probably the biggest single determining factor in how you interact with your romantic partner. If you devour your food with an insatiable appetite, then it’s likely you try to [...]
Dependency in relationships is a necessary feature of bonding and attachment. One of the most important parts of a strong and lasting romantic connection between couples is the creation of a healthy and mature dependency in the relationship. Fear of Being Used Prevents Mature Dependency in Relationships Many individuals and couples come to therapy because they are struggling with an immature dependency which makes the relationship unstable and scary. For example Jose a client in his thirties complained of a lack of closeness between him and his wife. He longed for her to take care of him when he was down, ill or conflicted about something. But each time she reached out he would refuse her offers, fearful of having to pay the price of it later. He anticipated being made to do extra child-care duties, or have his current difficulty used against him in the future. Any care that came from his wife became dangerous rather than comforting. Better to protect himself by denying his natural dependency feelings that would have soothed him and brought the care he yearned for. Jose was stuck in an immature unsatisfying fearful dependency, that made it impossible for the couple to express freely.
Are you startled by the idea of freedom in relationships? Does your heart start pounding with fear or excitement? Giving your partner freedom in a relationship is a critical feature of a successful, stable and fulfilling connection. If you are scared by the idea, then you may be imagining the insecurity of having an ‘open marriage’ where you can have other sexual partners, affairs or abdicating and abandoning duties and obligations. If on the other hand you reacted to the idea of freedom in relationships with a flutter of excitement then you are likely to be imagining exploring interests, values and views that reflect your personal growth and maturity. You may also be soothed by the idea of not having to spend all your focus and attention on taking care of your partner’s needs by sacrificing your own.
