Home/Blog/

Mature Dependency in Relationships

Dependency in relationships is a necessary feature of bonding and attachment. One of the most important parts of a strong and lasting romantic connection between couples is the creation of a healthy and mature dependency in the relationship. Fear of Being Used Prevents Mature Dependency in Relationships Many individuals and couples come to therapy because they are struggling with an immature dependency which makes the relationship unstable and scary. For example Jose a client in his thirties complained of a lack of closeness between him and his wife. He longed for her to take care of him when he was down, ill or conflicted about something. But each time she reached out he would refuse her offers, fearful of having to pay the price of it later. He anticipated being made to do extra child-care duties, or have his current difficulty used against him in the future. Any care that came from his wife became dangerous rather than comforting. Better to protect himself by denying his natural dependency feelings that would have soothed him and brought the care he yearned for. Jose was stuck in an immature unsatisfying fearful dependency, that made it impossible for the couple to express freely.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00October 17th, 2016|Couples Counseling, couples therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Mature Dependency in Relationships

Love Means Freedom in Relationships

Are you startled by the idea of freedom in relationships? Does your heart start pounding with fear or excitement? Giving your partner freedom in a relationship is a critical feature of a successful, stable and fulfilling connection. If you are scared by the idea, then you may be imagining the insecurity of having an ‘open marriage’ where you can have other sexual partners, affairs or abdicating and abandoning duties and obligations. If on the other hand you reacted to the idea of freedom in relationships with a flutter of excitement then you are likely to be imagining exploring interests, values and views that reflect your personal growth and maturity. You may also be soothed by the idea of not having to spend all your focus and attention on taking care of your partner’s needs by sacrificing your own.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00September 19th, 2016|Cheating and Affairs, couples therapy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Love Means Freedom in Relationships

The Art of Love Is Fluidily

The Art Of Love Is Fluidly Do you believe in the art of loving? Are you using the art of loving in your relationship, or are you still searching for the magic? Perhaps you practice the art of love on your partner, but don’t get any in return. This disparity is common and creates the [...]

By |2018-02-26T18:56:40+00:00September 8th, 2016|Communication Issues, Couples Counseling, relationship issues|Comments Off on The Art of Love Is Fluidily

Lack of Desire For Your Partner

 Lack of Desire For Your Partner Does your relationship lack the physical intimacy you once enjoyed? Is there a lack of desire for sexual passion in your relationship? Physical intimacy may taper off as you and your relationship age. It may make the relationship feel stale, and lead to affairs in order to feel attractive [...]

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00August 18th, 2016|Couples Counseling, couples therapy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Lack of Desire For Your Partner

Fallen Out of Love? The Secret to Being in Love Again

  Fallen Out of Love? Here's How to Find it Again Does it seem that you have fallen out of love with your partner? Do you wonder why you are in a relationship with a partner who always makes you feel bad? Perhaps you fantasize about walking away as far as you can just to [...]

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00August 9th, 2016|Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Couples Counseling, couples therapy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Fallen Out of Love? The Secret to Being in Love Again

Building a Basic Trust Creates True Love

Do you have a solid basic trust that your partner will share in your experience when you share something important? What’s the first image that comes into your mind when you imagine sharing your feelings or opinion? If it’s one of deflation, then you are missing the second most important feature of having the capacity to truly love, which is basic trust in the humanity of the other. Are you suspicious of your partner’s sincerity and genuineness when they are being ‘nice’ or generous? May be you are exasperated with your partner constantly doubting you and your motives, to the point of giving up on the attempt to connect and enjoy emotional intimacy. I bet that you have been in countless situations where you have made a real effort to listen and be supportive, but got received as if you were a fake. That hurt you and made you wonder “ what’s the point?” That basic trust you need to act on your desire is

By |2017-05-22T23:12:54+00:00August 1st, 2016|Couples Counseling, Insecurity Counseling|Comments Off on Building a Basic Trust Creates True Love

Capacity to Love -Five Attributes

Do you ever wonder whether your partner has the capacity to love you , just for being you, rather than what you do for them? Are you often disheartened that your partner seems to focus on what you have done or not done, rather than care about your experiences? Maybe you had a similar experience of 'love' from a parent, who never seemed interested or joyful in your company, let alone genuinely into whatever was exciting for you. You know that feeling, when you long to share your joy or sadness, but instead of tuning into you and being happy with you and for you, the interaction switches to being about what they are needing from you. And, its not until you fulfill that need that you are 'loved.'

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00July 21st, 2016|Anger Issues, Couples Counseling, couples therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Capacity to Love -Five Attributes

Managing Hostile Anger in Relationships

Are you shocked when your partner suddenly turns nasty? Do you wonder what on earth made someone you love become angry, hostile and aggressive in their attitude towards you? Does it feel like they have a surprising well of hatred directed at you? Perhaps you cower in fear until your partner calms down, not daring to breathe in case the hostile attitude becomes physically violent. Maybe you try to stand up for your side of the story but find that you are drowned out, mocked and or dismissed. But when all is said and done, you’re still left wondering how it got this way. You still don’t understand what makes your partner so mean and even cruel when you haven’t done anything different and are not knowingly provoking them. This was exactly the puzzle facing 35-year-old Cara, a school nurse, who loved and cared for her partner Miles, a 38-year-old district sales manager for a soft drinks firm. They both loved their 3 young children, and had a good standard of living. The only problem was that Cara frequently got destabilized when Miles suddenly flew off the handle and either accused her of being disloyal, or devalued her role in the family by suggesting that her financial contribution was insignificant and she cared more about the kids in school she worked at than her own.

By |2017-09-11T16:53:11+00:00July 1st, 2016|Communication Issues|Comments Off on Managing Hostile Anger in Relationships

5 Ways Self-Care Strengthens Relationships

Are you exhausted taking care of your partner, your family, your extended family, your colleagues and your living arrangements? Does it make you feel good that you attended to your partner and children, put them first and played the role of dutiful and loving care giver? Perhaps you think that by making everything and everyone else your priority that you will be rewarded with appreciation, recognition, and admiration. But there is probably another part of you that is aching to get off the treadmill and feed your soul. You know you are depleted and often not able to enjoy your relationship as much as you would if you didn't feel burdened with never ending duties and jobs. You know that most of the day you shut off your feelings and needs because they conflict with your dutiful self. So you kind of 'die' inside, feeling less than human. When you aren't able to fully enjoy your relationship, you put it in jepoardy. If you can't fully participate emotionally then the threads of connection get lose and threaten the unity between you. In order to avoid losing your connection, you have to take care of yourself and others. It's not an either or situation, it's a "both" scenario. It doesn't mean leaving them and going on trips or avoiding chores for a day or two, but rather a recognition of your humanity and the important role it plays in maintaining and sustaining your most important relationship.

By |2017-05-22T22:16:05+00:00June 13th, 2016|Couples Counseling|Comments Off on 5 Ways Self-Care Strengthens Relationships

Releasing Pain in Your Body By Getting in Touch with Buried Emotions

Chronic pain is the most common debilitating experience for a quarter of all American’s under 60 years of age, and costs $635 billion a year to health care services. Opioids caused 18,893 overdose deaths in the United States in 2014, according to the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Andrew Ahn, chief scientific officer of pain research at Lilly, said opioids are effective against acute pain, but have limited and decreasing effectiveness against chronic pain. An article in the Journal of Neuroscience, 2105, reports that strong opiates like morphine offer little relief because they don’t release the rewarding dopamine neurotransmitters that would ease chronic pain. The Journal Anesthesia & Analgesia, 2007 indicates that pain disrupts the process whereby you consolidate your learning into long-term memory storage. So when you can’t form a memory of a good feeling or experience during relaxation, meditation, yoga or other non-invasive practices, your chronic pain quite literally, drives you to distractio

By |2017-05-22T22:25:43+00:00June 6th, 2016|stress|Comments Off on Releasing Pain in Your Body By Getting in Touch with Buried Emotions
Go to Top