Feeling trapped in a loveless marriage is unbearable. But it doesn't have to mean a life time of suffering if you discover the profound beliefs that keep you trapped and prevent you from being yourself and worthy of love in the marriage.
How to Deal with a Constantly Critical Partner The Constantly Critical Partner - a Mixture of Magnetism and Recoil How many times a day do you feel like escaping your constantly critical partner? Remember anticipating that nagging voice of your constantly critical partner on the way home, making you put your wall up before you get [...]
Marriage Stress and Inflammation In the Body Stress in her marriage was a regular burden for twenty-nine-year old homemaker Lexi. Arguing with Finn, her thirty-two-year old IT consultant husband about household chores was a daily occurrence. She wanted him to help her and take on more duties, while he felt that he wasn’t appreciated for [...]
Emotional Safety is Key in Relationships Emotional Safety Quiz Do find yourself holding back, choosing your words carefully, and or shutting your feelings down because you fear recrimination? Then you probably have little sense of emotional safety. Maybe you agree with your significant other more often than not, because it's not emotionally safe to [...]
Dependency in relationships is a necessary feature of bonding and attachment. One of the most important parts of a strong and lasting romantic connection between couples is the creation of a healthy and mature dependency in the relationship. Fear of Being Used Prevents Mature Dependency in Relationships Many individuals and couples come to therapy because they are struggling with an immature dependency which makes the relationship unstable and scary. For example Jose a client in his thirties complained of a lack of closeness between him and his wife. He longed for her to take care of him when he was down, ill or conflicted about something. But each time she reached out he would refuse her offers, fearful of having to pay the price of it later. He anticipated being made to do extra child-care duties, or have his current difficulty used against him in the future. Any care that came from his wife became dangerous rather than comforting. Better to protect himself by denying his natural dependency feelings that would have soothed him and brought the care he yearned for. Jose was stuck in an immature unsatisfying fearful dependency, that made it impossible for the couple to express freely.
Are you startled by the idea of freedom in relationships? Does your heart start pounding with fear or excitement? Giving your partner freedom in a relationship is a critical feature of a successful, stable and fulfilling connection. If you are scared by the idea, then you may be imagining the insecurity of having an ‘open marriage’ where you can have other sexual partners, affairs or abdicating and abandoning duties and obligations. If on the other hand you reacted to the idea of freedom in relationships with a flutter of excitement then you are likely to be imagining exploring interests, values and views that reflect your personal growth and maturity. You may also be soothed by the idea of not having to spend all your focus and attention on taking care of your partner’s needs by sacrificing your own.
Lack of Desire For Your Partner Does your relationship lack the physical intimacy you once enjoyed? Is there a lack of desire for sexual passion in your relationship? Physical intimacy may taper off as you and your relationship age. It may make the relationship feel stale, and lead to affairs in order to feel attractive [...]
Fallen Out of Love? Here's How to Find it Again Does it seem that you have fallen out of love with your partner? Do you wonder why you are in a relationship with a partner who always makes you feel bad? Perhaps you fantasize about walking away as far as you can just to [...]
Do you ever wonder whether your partner has the capacity to love you , just for being you, rather than what you do for them? Are you often disheartened that your partner seems to focus on what you have done or not done, rather than care about your experiences? Maybe you had a similar experience of 'love' from a parent, who never seemed interested or joyful in your company, let alone genuinely into whatever was exciting for you. You know that feeling, when you long to share your joy or sadness, but instead of tuning into you and being happy with you and for you, the interaction switches to being about what they are needing from you. And, its not until you fulfill that need that you are 'loved.'
Do you automatically brush away your partner’s promises to do chores or specific tasks with suspicion, thinking that it will never happen? Do you doubt your partner’s sincerity when they apologize, suspecting that they are just saying the right words, but don’t really mean it? Maybe you anticipate that you will have to do all the jobs your partner does over again because they won’t do it right or in a timely fashion. You are suspicious of their intentions and capabilities and that makes it hard for you to trust. It puts you on guard, watching for the next mistake or broken promise that will become your problem to handle. It’s not easy to have a loving and open connection when you are in this state, is it?
