Being honest with your partner seems like a no brainer. Almost everyone believes it’s a given when they fall in love and set up home and family with their chosen one. But most people think being honest with your partner is about accounting for your whereabouts, money issues, childcare, family obligations, life-style and so [...]
Is it an affair? NO Is it something shady from your past? NO Is it your past identity? NO Is it something about your parental or cultural heritage? N0 So what are these worms that eat away at your relationship, called secrets?
First dates can make you nervous because you have high hopes but fear being disappointed. You don't know whether you will be good enough for your date, or whether your partner will meet your requirements. All this pressure can wreck your date if you don't get grounded Your date will go fine is you are present in the here-and-now The best way of being present and available for a date is to avoid the following ten things
Have you ever felt energized by setting out to do something nice for a loved one only to have it blow up in your face? Did you feel like your good intentions got turned into dirt that you then had to swallow? Perhaps you wondered how on earth your loved one could be upset and angry over your good hearted words and actions – and then you got angry back. You probably felt misunderstood and defeated, as if your golden heart had been turned into rotting ashes. But do you know why your vision of kindness backfired? Do you know what you left out of the equation that made your loved one treat you like a disingenuous lying fraud?
Do you want to break up with your partner but just can't bring yourself to do it? Are you wracked with guilt every time you think of telling your partner that you want to end the relationship? Do you feel ungrateful and selfish because your partner is an angel and hasn't done anything to deserve being rejected? What you want most of all is for your partner to be the one to walk away so you don't have to be the bad guy. But that doesn't happen, so you start being a little bad here and there hoping your partner will stop loving you and break up the relationship. This cycle of silent and undercover attempts at breaking up can go on for ever and take up a lot of energy. You can get depressed and turn into the exact evil monster that you were trying to avoid, just to set yourself free. Mandy and Chris were both trapped in the same spot.
Do you feel blown away into the wind when your loved one refuses to talk to you when you approach them? Are you hurt, angry and bitterly disappointed that all the work you put into getting ready to address an important issue in the relationship is now for nothing? Do you feel like you have no control over when your loved one is receptive, or when they will ever be? That is very frustrating and stressful. Not knowing when your partner is going to be in the mood means you have to stuff your feelings that you took a while to put in a way that you imagined would be acceptable, but now you have been gagged, yet again. Are you ready to stand up for yourself and your relationship by calling your loved one out in a way they can't ignore?
Do you get so frustrated with the uncertainty of not knowing whether your relationship is off or on that you consider making your partner jealous? Do you have visions of flirting with someone else just to get a reaction from your partner that will show you that you belong to them? Are you needing to test your partner and the bonds of your relationship by bringing in a potential rival so that your partner will claim you and be true to you forever more? That sounds exhausting and very unsatisfying? When will it be enough? Will you have to keep doing it every time you feel insecure? Think of the damage it could do to the relationship in the long run, and the stress that you have to endure to keep your security levels topped up?
The buildup to the date was always fraught with hope and visions of ‘clicking’ immediately, but Paula always came home disappointed. The dates either fizzled out or followed a predictable path of one-night stands. What angered Paula the most was that the plain girls seemed to get repeat dates that often led to engagements and marriage. She was furious that all her work to attract guys worked for just one date. What did the other girls have that she didn’t? They didn’t seem to have anything special or anything that she would want to emulate. Yet they had the intimate touches, companionship, and gentle humor that made Paula so envious!
Do you find yourself telling little white lies to avoid arguments or to avoid hurting or enraging a friend, loved one or colleague? Then you are not alone. It’s human and understandable when you want to get out of a mess or stop one from happening. But did you know that even the smallest of lies can make you sick, feel bad about yourself, demotivate you and ultimately destroy your relationships? A crisis that rocked Winston’s peace of mind forced him to come to terms with the damage he was doing to himself when he constantly lied to his girlfriend and others in the mistaken belief that he was taking care of their feelings. After a series of lies that became part of his way of keeping the status quo he found himself with a constant sinus infection, fatigue and anxiety about his self-worth.
Guilt and fear of destroying your relationship can make you feel like you have to apologize for your anger. But the apology is not for saying what you really mean. It's a way of making sure your rage hasn't dissolved the relationship. Learn two ways to test the connection and avoid the humiliation of apologizing when you don't want to or need to.
