Speak Up For Yourself if you Want Healthy Relationships Speak up and risk being erased by her mother’s wrath, or go along with her mother in order to keep the relationship in tact – that was the constant dilemma for 47 year-old-Nina, divorced with 4 teenage children. All her life, Nina had stifled her thoughts, [...]
Are you enraged because your partner seems to hear what you said but doesn't respond? Do you want to engage your partner in a serious conversation but find that your words go in one ear and out the other? Then you are obviously not having an impact. Maybe there is a reason why matters that are important to you, doesn't hit your partner in the same spot.
Is it an affair? NO Is it something shady from your past? NO Is it your past identity? NO Is it something about your parental or cultural heritage? N0 So what are these worms that eat away at your relationship, called secrets?
Do you feel that you can't speak your mind because it will end in a misunderstanding, fight and hurt feelings? Are you regretful after you speak your truth because a loved one got upset and froze you out? Family relationship problems usually revolve around the way you make up after a relationship issue has caused tension, hurt, pain and anger. Maybe you feel guilty when you do speak your mind and then rush to compensate by being extra attentive to the family member who felt hurt by your remarks. You give your power to the one who feels wronged and then resent it later when you feel diminished by your enslavement towards atoning for your daring move to speak out. The relationship feels burdensome and heavy making you want to exit. You may cut it off so give yourself some relief. But it's harder to make up later. The effort and work that is needed to bring the relationship back to life is enormous. So why not learn how to repair family problems by taking care of the hurt before it turns into a gaping and lethal wound.
Do you have a fantasy about what you want from your valentine? Would you like action in the form of receiving gifts and treats at a fancy restaurant? Or would you prefer a few genuine and sincere words that touch your heart and make you feel special, loved and treasured? Do you care more about spending time with your valentine or is it more important that your loved one spends a lot of money and spoils you rotten?
Do you want to break up with your partner but just can't bring yourself to do it? Are you wracked with guilt every time you think of telling your partner that you want to end the relationship? Do you feel ungrateful and selfish because your partner is an angel and hasn't done anything to deserve being rejected? What you want most of all is for your partner to be the one to walk away so you don't have to be the bad guy. But that doesn't happen, so you start being a little bad here and there hoping your partner will stop loving you and break up the relationship. This cycle of silent and undercover attempts at breaking up can go on for ever and take up a lot of energy. You can get depressed and turn into the exact evil monster that you were trying to avoid, just to set yourself free. Mandy and Chris were both trapped in the same spot.
Gina a twenty-seven year old recent law school graduate was bubbling about her acceptance as an intern at a prestigious law firm. She jumped into the car when her thirty-two year old boyfriend Jake, vice-principle at an elementary school came to pick her up. She started talking excitedly before she strapped her seat belt on, but was gutted when she was abruptly cut off in mid- sentence. Three sentences in Jake sighed, avoided eye contact and told her he had to concentrate on the traffic.
Two years into their engagement, twenty-nine year old medical billings specialist Rachel vowed to leave her thirty-two year old fiancé Brian, a banker and property developer – for the millionth time. She was full of anger and bitterness about Brian’s willingness to help his sister manage her financial problems while making excuses about planning their long awaited vacation to Italy. Brian felt torn between Rachel and members of his family. He wanted to share himself with them all, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so without alienating one or other of his loved ones. He liked the fact that he was wanted and needed but he hated being put on the spot over and over again to choose between them and live with the discomfort of divided loyalties.
On top of a grueling day at work dealing with a staff shortage and patient crises, thirty-three year old physician Phil felt another load heaped on him as soon as he got home. His twenty-eight year old wife Melissa demanded he take care of the dogs and bring in the heavy shopping items while she got ready for her night shift at the hospital where she was acting charge nurse. He had driven home with the weighty concern that he had given a patient the wrong medication in all the chaos of the day. His anxiety levels shot up as he started to imagine being sued, let go from the clinic and having his medical license revoked. He felt like a slave to the pressure put on him by Melissa’s trivial needs compared to the terror he was experiencing in relation to the seriousness of his situation.
After the basketball game twenty-six year old attorney Tyler joined his colleagues for a drink at the bar. He was immediately drawn to an attractive woman. Their eyes met, but before he knew it she was flirting with one of his team mates while he was left out in the cold, alone, confused and extremely anxious. Was he just too slow in making his moves? Did the other guys have some special signaling cues that he wasn’t aware of?
