Midlife Crisis – Surviving the midlife transition Midlife crises happen to men and women when they have got to a stable place in their lives, especially when and because they originally got together through crisis in their younger lives. What is midlife crisis? A midlife crisis is a discomfort with and confusion about what appears [...]
Love-hate Relationship Traps Do you feel caught in a love-hate relationship that you can’t escape? Maybe you have tried several times to leave but get seduced into staying because your partner morphs into an irresistibly affectionate, tuned in and available person. In that moment you are washed with the ‘love’ part of the love-hate relationship. [...]
Why Do Breakups Hurt Even When You Want Them? Is breaking up the only way you can think of to end the hurt in your relationship? Don't you really want to fix things and get back to a place where everything is smooth and easy? Have you reached out to listen, understand and mend fences, [...]
Why Can't I Let Go of My Ex? “Why can’t I let go of my ex?” you ask, gritting your teeth with anger as you deal with another wave of exasperation when there is a clash. This is a common problem and one that often brings people into therapy. They feel that they can’t get [...]
Have you ever been accused of having “abandonment issues”? Maybe you feel abandoned when that phrase is used as a reason to walk away from you instead of working through the problems at hand. Perhaps you believe you have abandonment issues because past relationships have ended making you feel abandoned, unloved and unimportant. To some extent everyone feels abandoned from time to time, but most get over it, experiencing it as a passing blip on the radar, that soon disappears in the richness of a relationship that offers other fulfilling moments. These blips don’t destroy an otherwise firm and secure connection to your significant other. It’s when those blips feel like huge meteors reigning down on you and destroying your footing, taking away your confidence and purpose, that experiences of abandonment can negatively influence your romantic relationships.
Imagine if your partner suddenly said they were going to leave you? Would you be shocked, shaken, stunned and destabilized? You would feel insecure and stressed. Then you were probably imagining that everything was fine and that you had the near perfect relationship. Hardly any arguments, shared jobs and good sex. But what about the emotional intimacy?
The way in which you greet and receive your partner after a separation be it momentary for days longs says everything about the health and security of your relationship. Even the shortest of separations from loved ones can cause stress before and after the actual parting. Whether you and your partner separate and reunite every day one of you leaves the other to go to work, to make a phone call to someone else or have to make longer trips that involve a chunk of time away from one another, the disturbance in your emotional state can make reunions uncomfortable. The more insecure you are in your relationship the more uncomfortable and stressful the reunion which may take several minutes, hours, days or weeks to be fully realized.
Do you regret having lost your cool and thrown your boyfriend out? Are you feeling lost, lonely and guilty that you ended the relationship and can never have it back? Do you feel like you have done permanent damage to your relationship and that he will never come back to you? It's a common experience when you are anxious about getting an ex back.
Do you want to break up with your partner but just can't bring yourself to do it? Are you wracked with guilt every time you think of telling your partner that you want to end the relationship? Do you feel ungrateful and selfish because your partner is an angel and hasn't done anything to deserve being rejected? What you want most of all is for your partner to be the one to walk away so you don't have to be the bad guy. But that doesn't happen, so you start being a little bad here and there hoping your partner will stop loving you and break up the relationship. This cycle of silent and undercover attempts at breaking up can go on for ever and take up a lot of energy. You can get depressed and turn into the exact evil monster that you were trying to avoid, just to set yourself free. Mandy and Chris were both trapped in the same spot.
Two years into their engagement, twenty-nine year old medical billings specialist Rachel vowed to leave her thirty-two year old fiancé Brian, a banker and property developer – for the millionth time. She was full of anger and bitterness about Brian’s willingness to help his sister manage her financial problems while making excuses about planning their long awaited vacation to Italy. Brian felt torn between Rachel and members of his family. He wanted to share himself with them all, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so without alienating one or other of his loved ones. He liked the fact that he was wanted and needed but he hated being put on the spot over and over again to choose between them and live with the discomfort of divided loyalties.
