How I helped My Client – Showing How She Set Herself Up to Deny Her Deepest Wish Susan a 38-year-old Dental Hygienist had always felt that she got a raw deal in life. Unloved and neglected by her parents, she was now rejected by her partner Mick when she made overtures for closeness, affection, [...]
Unrealistic Expectations Breed Self-Defeating Behaviors Unrealistic expectations may be your biggest enemy! Do you ever want something really badly, but then when it comes it sucks? It drops like a massive bomb of disappointment and lets you down. Either it isn’t the right way, or given with the wrong attitude, or not in the right [...]
Self-Defeating Behaviors Lead to Depression The term ‘Self-Defeating behaviors’ sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Why would anyone want to defeat themselves? What’s in it for someone to go against their interests? Who wants to feel like a failure by engaging in self-defeating behaviors? What could possibly be worth feeling sucked dry of energy, motivation and self-esteem [...]
gluttony from stress When you are overwhelmed and feel like you are sinking in quicksand, your body wants to flee from the threat. But your life style and schedule keep you trapped in a very a very stressful situation. You feel out of control You feel helpless You feel angry and resentful You are terrified of failing or having a breakdown You put even more effort into trying to be perfect and get everything done the way it should be so you can meet your own high standards and expectations You imagine others complimenting you and envying you BUT THE STRESS GETS TO YOU AND ALL YOU WANT IS FOOD. YOU WANT THE COMFORT AND THE NUMBNESS THAT EATING CAN BRING.
Out at a restaurant with thirty-nine-year-old beautician Pauline and their friends, he was upset that she seemed engrossed in a conversation with Mark about a basketball game. Feeling excluded and uninteresting to her, he got scared that she would soon leave him. The vision of Pauline abandoning him brought up intense anger. He goaded her all way home about her disinterest in him during the meal. No matter what reassurances Pauline offered, he was determined to make her admit that she didn’t care for him because he was so insecure in their relationship.
At 38 years of age April was divorced with two preteens and a boring job that paid the bills. But she was no nearer realizing her goals of becoming a fashion designer, with boutiques all over the world and the glitterati salivating for her next collection. She kept telling herself that one day she would go to college, get her fine arts degree and then set fire to the world with her brilliant clothes. Yet something always got in the way – the kids needed her – she was too tired to go to college and bring up her children – it cost too much – it would take too long – she was too old - no one would like her designs – she didn’t want to market her work – she didn’t have the money to invest in a business, and on it went. April was highly skilled in creating obstacles that felt insurmountable just when it seemed that there was no excuse for not following her dream.
Returning from a trip abroad, thirty-seven-year-old Natalie was full of enthusiasm and energy to kick start her career in the creative arts. She had jotted down a ton of ideas including doing a workshop online about writing comedy scripts; doing improvisation, teaching acting at night school and finishing a script that she started 2 years ago. But within four days she wanted to do anything but tackle her list. She wanted to talk to friends, go to a spa, do yoga and cook, but not move forward with her career steps. Tired of this up and down pattern of excitement followed by a crash, Natalie was acutely aware of her shame and disappointment, despite working on herself for some years. No matter what steps she took and how determined she was, she went from feeling full of desire and motivation to feeling listless when it came to her scripts, workshops, etc. It all felt too much to manage. Then a dream came along that helped her understand what was holding her back.
Are you wanting comfort and security with your loved ones but not able to get it by being good, quiet, patient and hopeful? Do you get mad and envious when you see other fully grown adults get pampered and taken care of when they whine and complain? Do you wish you could get away with that? Perhaps you have been harboring a secret wish that your loved ones would just do their job and love you the way they should, so that you didn't have to work so hard at getting them to even notice you.
It's infuriating when your best laid plans fall apart at the last minute. You had it all going smoothly. You took care of all the snags, got everything prepared in the right order and had all the necessary funds for your plan to succeed. But then out of the blue it crumbles. You are angry, bitterly disappointed, and want to give up. The stress wears you out. This pattern happens over and over again, that just when you are on the point of success and growth you find yourself back at the start line! Why does this happen to you on a regular basis?
Why Does Sharon Reject the Very Thing She Wants? Because she wants two different things at the same time. The trouble is she is only aware of one of them- wanting a nice guy and a successful relationship. But there is also something else she craves and that is to feel powerful, and in charge of her life. She isn't in touch with her need for power, so she can't figure out why she keeps sabotaging good relationships. She is mystified as to why what seems wonderful at the beginning turns sour very soon afterwards.
