Thirty-five-year-old plumber Tyler got angry with Gemma, his thirty-seven-year-old partner for inviting his brother over for the weekend pot-luck event. She knew that he didn’t get on with Roy but she kept trying to get them together. Tyler didn’t speak to Gemma unless it was absolutely necessary. He was civil in front of family and friends, but the stress was killing him. He was too tired to fight!
You may find it hard to believe that anger may be at the root of your sad and lethargic feelings when you get depressed. But the link between anger and depression has been established centuries ago by the Greek philosophers and then more scientifically by the turn of the 19th century. Treatment with SSRI's is the most widely practiced medication route. But recent research shows that there are two types of depression and that SSRI's are at best no better than a placebo (sugar pill) and that where they are effective, they are more helpful (with psychotherapy) for one more than the other.
It was eleven o’clock on a Tuesday morning, and Raul, a thirty-six-year-old property developer was struggling to keep his mind focused on the high powered meeting he had organized. He felt sluggish, his mind wandered and he could barely keep track of the agenda items he was supposed to bring to the table. For the last six months he had felt lethargic and uninterested in things that he usually enjoyed. He stopped playing squash with his best mate, and he rarely went out on Friday nights with his interior designer wife Pat to their favorite restaurant as they used to do. His day-to-day routine felt awkward, as if he were undertaking something foreign. His autopilot stopped working and he had to force himself to think hard about the simplest of things over and over again.
The damage to the car was the least of Terry's worries. Shocked, he was unable to take in any words of comfort or reassurance from his wife. He was oblivious to the affectionate nuzzling of his dog, and the adoring smile of his two year old daughter. He replayed the scene in his head a million times. Each time he pressed the rewind button he rehearsed ways in which he could have avoided this disaster. If only the clock could be turned back.! But life wasn't that kind, and neither was Terry. He tortured himself for not paying attention and bringing shame on himself.
How long should you hang onto the false hope that you will be loved the way you want by the person whom you want to love you? You don't have to put your life on hold until you have run out of time. Learn how to grieve the loss of your wish while making room for the chance that you can get what you want if you actively pursue the wish rather than just wait in vain for your loved one to do it your way.
Losing your confidence can make you doubt yourself so that you become a victim to others. It makes you dependent on others and ashamed of yourself. Learn how to recognize and silence the voice of doubt and criticism inside you that robs you of your motivation and confidence just when you feel the sap rising.
blaming yourself for things going wrong can save your relationship but ultimately make you drown in bitterness. The stress of swallowing it all weakens your immune system and causes depression, gastric problems and eating disorders. Learn how to share experiences with loved ones so that you can participate in a more equitable, secure, stable and safe relationship that turns the bitterness into sweetness.
you can keep your convictions and get your way without trampling over friends and loved ones, OR giving in and feeling controlled in defeat. There is a magic word that does the trick of making you both feel like winners on the same team.
