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How to Turn Envy into Togetherness

If you have ever felt envious in the tiniest bit you will know how it can eat your soul alive and make you unavailable for an emotionally intimate relationship. You will be so filled with envious rage that others have what you should have, deserve and have been deprived of that there is no room for anything else. On the other hand if you have felt the envious rage of a loved one thrown your way, you may be blindsided by its force and intensity. You may not be able to see where the rage is coming from, let alone understand that there is envy behind it, because to you there is no reason for it. Either way it's important that envy doesn't destabilize your relationship. Without recognition and attention to reducing it, envy shows itself in aggressive ways, turning an accepting love into one of possession.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00April 15th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues, Uncategorized|Comments Off on How to Turn Envy into Togetherness
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Shameful Anger is Detoxifed By the Pain of a Bone Fracture

A long awaited vacation was coming up for thirty-nine-year-old Alex who was looking forward to seeing his younger sister Fiona, 3000 miles away. He wanted to go with her to an exhibition of ancient and modern pottery that they both loved. Practicing throwing pots in a class on ceramic ware, he had made a gift for Fiona’s family using a special design with a color tint of his creation. A week before his flight to Salem Oregon where Fiona lived with her husband and two children, Alex began to imagine that Fiona would be too busy to join him in visiting the exhibits and having fun at their old haunts. He recalled previous occasions when he had high hopes of rekindling their childhood closeness, only to find that she was either non-committal, busy, or with him in body but not in spirit.

By |2017-09-11T18:12:31+00:00April 7th, 2015|Anger Management Counseling|Comments Off on Shameful Anger is Detoxifed By the Pain of a Bone Fracture
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Seven Healthy Ways To Regain Power In Your Relationship

Overwhelmed with the prospect of having to manage the finances of the household, thirty-three-year-old Andy gave his power over to his thirty-two-year-old wife who was a whiz at it. He enjoyed the lack of responsibility and the chance not to have to worry about money. UNTIL his wife complained bitterly that he was not pulling his weight. He would get involved for a short time to appease her, but soon drifted back into his old ways until the next time she exploded. Sometimes he acted like a robot not to feel the shame and blame and other times he was passive aggressive, playing the martyr to her abuser roles. What if Andy chose one or more of the healthier ways of owning and exerting his power so that he didn't have to give it away and get it back in the less healthy ways?

By |2017-09-13T20:56:52+00:00March 31st, 2015|Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Seven Healthy Ways To Regain Power In Your Relationship
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Three Ways to Control Rage When You Feel Abandoned

The sounds of begging and pleading for another chance fell on32-year-old Trudy’s deaf ears. Her 35-year-old husband Max had promised to stop using alcohol and drugs umpteen times, but he never got sober for more than a day or two. She had been let down too often, and now needed to protect herself from being seduced by those pitiful eyes, and his attentive ways. Enraged at losing Trudy and their 5 year old daughter Sasha, Max spent most of his time enraged that he couldn’t get Trudy to listen to him. There was no other woman for him. He wanted her to pick him up when he was down and do the same for her. The only problem was that he remembered the good times and she remembered the bad times.

By |2017-05-22T22:19:39+00:00March 25th, 2015|Couples Counseling|Comments Off on Three Ways to Control Rage When You Feel Abandoned
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Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

Pinning you down to score points Remember those fights when your partner brought up all the 'nasty' things you said and did, as if they were being read from a score sheet? That's often how loved ones track each others sins of omission and sins of commission. Fired up with indignation and fury when there is tension between you, they mentally read from that score sheet to bury you in one fell swoop, so that they can feel vindicated. Perhaps you do the same thing without knowing it. Maybe you too make mental notes of the things you wanted your partner to do and felt slighted when you were let down. It's likely that you can predict the moment your partner is going to go 'off' on a tirade, bringing up all the garbage from the past to make you feel like the devil incarnate. Ever wondered why you and your partner relate in this way?

By |2017-09-11T16:54:49+00:00March 17th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop
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Anger Makes You Swing From One Type of Depression to Another

You may find it hard to believe that anger may be at the root of your sad and lethargic feelings when you get depressed. But the link between anger and depression has been established centuries ago by the Greek philosophers and then more scientifically by the turn of the 19th century. Treatment with SSRI's is the most widely practiced medication route. But recent research shows that there are two types of depression and that SSRI's are at best no better than a placebo (sugar pill) and that where they are effective, they are more helpful (with psychotherapy) for one more than the other.

By |2017-05-22T22:20:42+00:00March 13th, 2015|Depression Counseling|Comments Off on Anger Makes You Swing From One Type of Depression to Another
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How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent

One of the most common fears people have in romantic relationships is about being needy. It arouses shame, followed by a massive attempt to compensate. Often it takes the form of becoming totally self-sufficient to the point of avoiding all social contact. The result: isolation, lack of emotional intimacy, leading to insecurity and depression – which in turn makes you more ‘needy.’

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00March 3rd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|Comments Off on How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent
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Six Ways to Avoid Anger, Stress and Depression That Ruin Your Relationships

Working as a risk management specialist for a large medical group was getting 36-year-old Juliette down. She was exhausted and had no energy left for her husband, 38-year-old Elliot and their 5 and 6 year old children Aden and Mara. She hated having to work, but was the only breadwinner. The pressure on Juliette made her depressed. All she wanted to do was to sleep. She left the chores to her Elliot who attended to them with pride, seeing them as his contribution to the family. Even when she was awake, Juliette felt fatigued and disinterested in playing with her kids. She preferred to look on as Elliot engaged them in cycling, swimming and ball games. She was easily upset when things didn’t go right with the family, and felt useless as a mother, sister and wife. Depression had taken hold, and Juliette was steeped in a lack of self-worth. Her anger at having to be the breadwinner was buried in the depression, as was her disappointment and resentment towards her husband for not taking on that role.

By |2017-05-10T00:02:02+00:00February 24th, 2015|Couples Counseling|Comments Off on Six Ways to Avoid Anger, Stress and Depression That Ruin Your Relationships
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Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers

Once you were your mother's right arm, her champion and her savior. In return she took care of you by paying for everything you needed, so you didn't have to look for work or a life partner. But now you want to think for yourself. You want your feelings to count, not just those of your mother's. But you are scared that if you show how your mind works differently, that your mother won't like it, and take away your financial cushion. Yet, you want to be free to make your own mistakes. You love your mother and want a connection, but you want to share social moments because it feels good, not because you feel it is expected or that you will be punished if you don't!

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00February 18th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers
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How To Stop the Cycle of Love Turning into Anger and Hate

Do you hate your loved one so much that you want to hurt them and make them feel your pain? Are you so enraged when they seem to be loving and then switch off? It's natural for you to feel angry when you are given with one hand and then another and takes it away before you've even tasted it. The stress of having/not having pumps you up with adrenaline. THE THREE D'S OF ANGER, AND STRESS ENGULF YOU

By |2017-09-11T18:07:02+00:00February 10th, 2015|Blog|Comments Off on How To Stop the Cycle of Love Turning into Anger and Hate
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