When one partner shuts down and the other ramps up in a stressful conflict chances are that the men tune out and the women get heated up. Research indicates that male and female brains operate differently under stress making it more likely that couples will get frustrated and lose intimacy when they can't work things out. Learn three ways in which they can get on the same brain wave, same page and collaborate intimately on their joint problems.
The more secrets you keep because you want to avoid conflict the more your marriage becomes a roommate situation. Your background will determine whether you work things out or you hope problems disappear. When two partners have these two opposite styles of dealing issues, marriages turn into convenient ways to manage finances. Learn how to find incentives where both styles can come together and create a dialogue where issues get dealt with before the marriage is one in name only.
Its stressful when you feel the overwhelming urge to prove that you know what you are talking about and are not a complete moron. It usually happens when you are in a conflict and you get ready for battle. Even though you know that success is unlikely you still expend every ounce of energy to prove yourself. Learn how to mange that obsession without shame and defeat, while recognizing that the person you are battling isn't the one you who made you feel so bad in the first place.
If someone says they 'understand' and then sets out to change your feelings you are unlikely to feel truly understood. For you to feel like you are fully tuned into, takes acceptance and tolerance. When you are being pushed to change there is no tolerance for your feelings and that is what makes you feel unheard and misunderstood.
Panic attacks can shock and disturb your sense of equilibrium. Understanding their message can help you deal with the unfinished business left over from your past life. But first you have to get past the shame about having feelings, thoughts and needs that you no longer approve of. Panic attacks fill your radar with shame and force you to deal with things you have avoided but cannot afford to ignore any longer.
It's a great feeling to feel truly understood. It's very disappointing and frustrating when friends and loved ones say they understand you but show impatience, want you to change or shift your mood. There are two key elements in feeling understood. The first is acceptance but in very specific way. Learn about the many ways you can show and feel accepted in order to experience the sense of being understood and doing the same for your loved ones.
Panic attacks can make you feel like you are going crazy but they have a purpose. Understanding the struggles and traps you feel caught up in take away the shame and helplessness you feel when you are hostage to the panic attacks. Read John's story about the conflict he had making choices about his life and taking care of family- his panic attacks came to force him to face his dilemma and be truly in charge of his life.
If you are waiting for your partner to give you permission to be an equal in the relationship then you probably feel invisible and judged unfairly. Learn three ways in which you can retrain your brain circuits so that you let love and comfort in, become visible and feel valued.
An inability to trust people who said they would do their job and care for her made Sharon exhausted with having to do everything herself. She was always let down if she asked for help and sharing of responsibility. Sharon was caught between wanting to believe and trust but couldn't put herself at risk of having to take over and be the adult all the time. It made her furious and exhausted. Learn about the three steps Sharon needs to take to build up enough trust to let people help her rather than stand in for her irresponsible promise breaking parents who take the tongue lashing on their behalf.
when one partner wants emotional caring and the other wants actions and tangible evidence of love it causes relationship stress. Marriages and partnerships come under strain. Stress overload makes one or both partner's ill. Illness such as infections and pain can reflect the stress and stimulate a compromise that helps you and your loved find an acceptable point of agreement for giving what is needed and accepting what is offered even if it isn't your preferred or ideal way.
