Do you have specific criteria for what you accept as a loving act, a loving word or stance? If so you may be excluding a whole host of interactions that are loving but that don't fall within your parameters. You end up feeling left out, empty, not valued and bitter. This video tells the story of just such a man for whom the only genuine love was pity, putting him permanently in the victim role.
If you spend much of your life waiting for that fairy godmother to come and wave her magic wand, to make you happy, BUT go to bed each night angry that you got left out again, THEN You'll probably find yourself envying other people who are smiling, happy and satisfied with their relationships. And it's all because you have an unconscious rule about who, what, when, and how you ought to be happy. The one missing ingredient is what role you play in that combination of factors.
If you are struggling with finding a lasting relationship that you can enjoy no matter how stressful the ups and downs, it's likely that you have some deep and powerful unconscious rules about what makes people stick together. You may think that love and attraction are enough to maintain commitment and loyalty but underneath you probably believe that you have to be a certain way, act and think in a specific fashion AND MOST OF ALL that your partner has to do the same. These rules prevent you from giving the relationship a chance to find it's feet. You can't even get to first base because your unconscious relationship rules make you heightened to WHAT IS ABSENT rather than build and shape healthy intimacy, trust and security.
Are you in a constant state of anxiety about not being good enough for your partner? Do you find yourself alert to everything and anything that may make your partner upset and then try and fix it right away? Then your unconscious rule about relationships being based on rescuing your partner from every tiny negative feeling or experience will sour the connections.
Do you often wonder if your partner finds you exciting enough or good enough? Are you constantly worrying about proving your love, commitment and loyalty? Are you living with the fear that they will find someone better and then going overboard to try and make yourself indispensable? Then you are probably insecure and have an unconscious rule about how to feel more secure. That rule may be that you have to fulfill all your partner's needs so that they become dependent on you, and that way they will never leave. Unfortunately it is a fear based rule which only adds stress and conflict to the relationship, making it more likely to end. You are probably experiencing a never ending cycle of fighting and making up and then fighting again.
Imagine your excitement planning the best celebration ever for your spouse on a big occasion. Everything is perfect and you have spent days and tons of money that you saved up for this event. You have been imagining the delight and joy on your partner's face. You looked forward to eternal gratitude, great sex, and your virtues being praised to all the family, friends and colleagues around. But your vision is destroyed when your spouse says thank you a few times and leaves it at that. Your disappointment that your partner is tired and doesn't want to keep celebrating is huge. You get angry that your partner is ungrateful and didn't show enough pleasure and for long enough to make your efforts and kind heart worthwhile. You start to show your resentment and your partner is at a loss as to why you are wanting more. The relationship gets tense, stressful and conflict is now the name of the game. And it's all because you had an unconscious rule about how your spouse should respond to your goodness.
If you have a rule about not being needy in your relationship then you are likely to set up tension, cause arguments and wear the relationship down to the bone. That's what happened to one man who ended up frustrating his wife to such an extent that she avoided being in the same room as him when they were at home. Learn how this one very common rule about pretending not to be needy drove the couple to marriage counseling and finally got discovered, unraveled and discarded for more flexible and joint rules that reunited the couple.
Do you feel that all your efforts to get close to your partner fail because you can't synchronize your times to communicate? If you get mad that your partner isn't ready to share and iron out stuff between you at exactly the same time as you are, you may feel unequal and rejected. But, you may have an unwritten rule that says that relationships are supposed to work both people feel the same way at the same time which leads to massive disappointments and fear that the marriage is going down the drain.
If you date a lot but still come up short in meeting the right one for you, it's not because all the good ones are taken or that you are just picky! You are probably imposing a ton of strict one-sided rules about how you and a prospective date should behave. Your protocols strangle the natural flow of chemistry between you and you end up feeling like you have done your bit, but come up empty handed once again. Your clock is ticking out, and you are getting more and more desperate. Fear no more. Just watch this video and discover how one woman's constricting rules made sure that she would never be picked by someone who she was attracted to, and how she would never want to respond to a guy who seemed interested in her.
Are you doing everything right when you go out on a date? Are you taking all the opportunities to meet prospective partners that may appeal to you? Have you read all the books and blogs on dating tips or even hired a dating coach, yet still find yourself miserable, lonely and without hope? Then it's because you are operating on long held but old unconscious relationship rules that actually stifle your chances of enjoying and progressing with dating. You aren't aware of them because they are unconscious, but they rule you and you have little choice about it - UNTIL you uncover the rules and give yourself a reality check! Watch this video and learn how one man discovered his extremely burdensome personal dating rules that made the whole experience unappealing, so he would just tackle it like a job and couldn't wait to free himself of the noose around his neck.
