If someone says they 'understand' and then sets out to change your feelings you are unlikely to feel truly understood. For you to feel like you are fully tuned into, takes acceptance and tolerance. When you are being pushed to change there is no tolerance for your feelings and that is what makes you feel unheard and misunderstood.
It's a great feeling to feel truly understood. It's very disappointing and frustrating when friends and loved ones say they understand you but show impatience, want you to change or shift your mood. There are two key elements in feeling understood. The first is acceptance but in very specific way. Learn about the many ways you can show and feel accepted in order to experience the sense of being understood and doing the same for your loved ones.
Panic attacks can make you feel like you are going crazy but they have a purpose. Understanding the struggles and traps you feel caught up in take away the shame and helplessness you feel when you are hostage to the panic attacks. Read John's story about the conflict he had making choices about his life and taking care of family- his panic attacks came to force him to face his dilemma and be truly in charge of his life.
If you are waiting for your partner to give you permission to be an equal in the relationship then you probably feel invisible and judged unfairly. Learn three ways in which you can retrain your brain circuits so that you let love and comfort in, become visible and feel valued.
An inability to trust people who said they would do their job and care for her made Sharon exhausted with having to do everything herself. She was always let down if she asked for help and sharing of responsibility. Sharon was caught between wanting to believe and trust but couldn't put herself at risk of having to take over and be the adult all the time. It made her furious and exhausted. Learn about the three steps Sharon needs to take to build up enough trust to let people help her rather than stand in for her irresponsible promise breaking parents who take the tongue lashing on their behalf.
when one partner wants emotional caring and the other wants actions and tangible evidence of love it causes relationship stress. Marriages and partnerships come under strain. Stress overload makes one or both partner's ill. Illness such as infections and pain can reflect the stress and stimulate a compromise that helps you and your loved find an acceptable point of agreement for giving what is needed and accepting what is offered even if it isn't your preferred or ideal way.
When you are upset that you aren't as perfect as you aimed for, you may criticize yourself, feel bad about yourself and then withdraw from the people you love. Your sense of being imperfect makes you fearful of getting close. You turn inward and shut loved ones out, making your intimate connections dissolve. Research indicates that the self-critical part of perfectionism is the most destructive force to intimacy.
Bargaining with your loved ones either because you are afraid of being rejected or because you are riddled in guilt can bring short term relief. In the long run the relationships are torn into shreds because your true motives for the bargain are not on the table. Learn how to take care of your relationship with healthy compromise instead of stressful bargaining.
blaming yourself for things going wrong can save your relationship but ultimately make you drown in bitterness. The stress of swallowing it all weakens your immune system and causes depression, gastric problems and eating disorders. Learn how to share experiences with loved ones so that you can participate in a more equitable, secure, stable and safe relationship that turns the bitterness into sweetness.
Dealing with personal failure by blaming someone or something else leads to bitterness, hostility and sickness. Stress put on the relationships destabilizes your immune system and makes it even more difficult for you to function and achieve your goals. Learn 3 ways to avoid blame and bitterness by collaborating with your loved ones and managing the negative emotions to protect your health and enjoy relationship stability.
