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Managing family co-dependency – the first five steps in learning to support rather than rescue

Trudy a twenty-nine year old local newspaper reporter and Max a thirty-three year old limousine company owner had endless fights about who was doing the lion’s share of parenting their two children. They argued about what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who should take the blame when things went wrong. Trudy’s sister Sophie got mad at Max when she saw her sister miserable and at a loss. Sophie rescued Trudy countless times, and usually felt heroic in the process.

By |2017-03-21T17:53:36+00:00March 19th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Family Counseing, Family of Origin Counseling, relationship issues|Comments Off on Managing family co-dependency – the first five steps in learning to support rather than rescue

Is Co-Dependency the Currency of Your Family Relationships?

Driving home from his last landscape design consult, thirty-three year old Craig’s stomach was in knots wondering if Sophie would have gotten over the row she had with her mother the other day. He felt bad for his wife who had tried and failed to arrange a family dinner, taking out her frustration on him. His temples began throbbing and his breathing became quick and shallow as he felt the overbearing sense of heaviness that came over him when he approached his front door.

By |2017-09-11T18:09:06+00:00March 13th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Is Co-Dependency the Currency of Your Family Relationships?

How Do You Build Trust in a Relationship When You are Repeatedly Let Down?

A month into a pact that 37 year old cosmetologist Katrina made with 39 year old Roger to quit drinking and attend AA meetings, she found an empty liquor bottle in the outside trash can while she was clearing stuff out. Breathless with fury about his lies and his lack of trustworthiness she waited for him to come home from his job at the property management company. She was ready to confront him with the bottle and make him admit and atone for his transgression towards her and their relationship. “You’ve been drinking again, haven’t you?” Katrina scolded. “No, I haven’t!” “Don’t lie. I found this bottle in the trash. It’s the brand you drink, so don’t lie.” Katrina challenged him with a voice oozing with disgust and contempt. “Stop accusing me of stuff. You’ve got no proof. You jump to conclusions without even asking me.” Roger yelled back in an affronted tone. “We’ve been here before. You’re always promising to stop drinking and go to AA but you never do. You’re just a junkie. If it’s not booze then it’s pot or something else. I’m sick of your lies and empty promises.”

By |2016-12-13T05:19:18+00:00March 5th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on How Do You Build Trust in a Relationship When You are Repeatedly Let Down?

How to Get Your Boyfriend Back After Throwing Him Out

Do you regret having lost your cool and thrown your boyfriend out? Are you feeling lost, lonely and guilty that you ended the relationship and can never have it back? Do you feel like you have done permanent damage to your relationship and that he will never come back to you? It's a common experience when you are anxious about getting an ex back.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:18+00:00March 2nd, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Breakups and Separation, relationship issues|Comments Off on How to Get Your Boyfriend Back After Throwing Him Out

Sibling Rivalries in Adulthood May be Due to Invisible Childhood Trauma

Blake got away with everything and Aaron was sick to death of having to pick up the slack for the sake of the business. He wanted to quit so that his parents would get a real taste of what it would be like without him, but a sense of loyalty and commitment stopped him from walking out and starting his own business- something he had thought of doing several times before, especially when he felt unfairly burdened by the weight of Blake’s nonchalance. For the rest of that week Aaron kept reminding his parents about how hard he worked and how much responsibility he took on. He wanted them to make things more equal between him and Blake but they just palmed him off with a pay raise or luxury travel vouchers. He felt that they favored Blake and expected him to carry his younger brother on his back.

By |2017-07-05T22:45:55+00:00February 27th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Family of Origin Counseling, relationship issues|Comments Off on Sibling Rivalries in Adulthood May be Due to Invisible Childhood Trauma

How to Repair Family Relationships That Get Broken With Repeated Hurts

Do you feel that you can't speak your mind because it will end in a misunderstanding, fight and hurt feelings? Are you regretful after you speak your truth because a loved one got upset and froze you out? Family relationship problems usually revolve around the way you make up after a relationship issue has caused tension, hurt, pain and anger. Maybe you feel guilty when you do speak your mind and then rush to compensate by being extra attentive to the family member who felt hurt by your remarks. You give your power to the one who feels wronged and then resent it later when you feel diminished by your enslavement towards atoning for your daring move to speak out. The relationship feels burdensome and heavy making you want to exit. You may cut it off so give yourself some relief. But it's harder to make up later. The effort and work that is needed to bring the relationship back to life is enormous. So why not learn how to repair family problems by taking care of the hurt before it turns into a gaping and lethal wound.

By |2017-09-13T19:39:32+00:00February 23rd, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, relationship issues|Comments Off on How to Repair Family Relationships That Get Broken With Repeated Hurts

The Main Barrier to Communication in Marriage is Fear of Listening Empatically

At 8:00 pm one Wednesday night forty-three year dance teacher Erica was paying bills online when her forty-five year old partner Damien, a podiatrist, rushed into the room with a stack of papers that he wanted her to see. He was going on about being sued for malpractice, cussing out the patient and the lawyers. She waited till he finished and then told him it was a legal issue and went back to her bill paying. The tsunami of vitriol that Damien threw at her for not listening or caring made her speechless with rage.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:18+00:00February 19th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on The Main Barrier to Communication in Marriage is Fear of Listening Empatically

How To Deal With The Panic When Anger Management Doesn’t Work

Do you panic when you can't control your anger despite going to anger management classes? Do you hate yourself when you fly off the handle and act like someone from your past that you have tried so hard to avoid? Is your explosive anger destroying your important relationships and items of expensive equipment that you value? Is the anxiety about failing now bigger than the anger itself? Are you ready to really deal with the anger rather than just bury it, whip it into shape or squish it?

By |2013-02-16T01:18:32+00:00February 16th, 2013|Blog|Comments Off on How To Deal With The Panic When Anger Management Doesn’t Work

Self-Compassion Makes You the Partner You Want to be Toward Your Loved One

After chiding her live- in boyfriend of five years, thirty-three year old boutique owner Nicole was full of self-loathing. She was angry that she had lost her temper with thirty-five year old car service manager Craig who was constantly letting her down. Nicole watched herself berate him for his sloppiness and half-finished chores. She saw Craig cringe and it reminded her of the times when her father laid into her for not doing as he expected. She didn’t want to be anything like her father. She was alarmed and ashamed that she behaved exactly like her dad, and wasn’t able to do anything to stop it.

By |2016-12-13T05:19:18+00:00February 13th, 2013|Anger Issues, Anxiety therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|Comments Off on Self-Compassion Makes You the Partner You Want to be Toward Your Loved One

How to Get What You Want From Your Valentine

Do you have a fantasy about what you want from your valentine? Would you like action in the form of receiving gifts and treats at a fancy restaurant? Or would you prefer a few genuine and sincere words that touch your heart and make you feel special, loved and treasured? Do you care more about spending time with your valentine or is it more important that your loved one spends a lot of money and spoils you rotten?

By |2017-09-14T20:26:48+00:00February 9th, 2013|Communication Problems, Intimacy|Comments Off on How to Get What You Want From Your Valentine
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