Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

By |2017-09-11T16:54:49+00:00March 17th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Pinning you down to score points Remember those fights when your partner brought up all the 'nasty' things you said and did, as if they were being read from a score sheet? That's often how loved ones track each others sins of omission and sins of commission. Fired up with indignation and fury when there is tension between you, they mentally read from that score sheet to bury you in one fell swoop, so that they can feel vindicated. Perhaps you do the same thing without knowing it. Maybe you too make mental notes of the things you wanted your partner to do and felt slighted when you were let down. It's likely that you can predict the moment your partner is going to go 'off' on a tirade, bringing up all the garbage from the past to make you feel like the devil incarnate. Ever wondered why you and your partner relate in this way?

Comments Off on Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00March 3rd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

One of the most common fears people have in romantic relationships is about being needy. It arouses shame, followed by a massive attempt to compensate. Often it takes the form of becoming totally self-sufficient to the point of avoiding all social contact. The result: isolation, lack of emotional intimacy, leading to insecurity and depression – which in turn makes you more ‘needy.’

Comments Off on How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent

Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00January 20th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, relationship issues|

Recently a woman brought her male partner into therapy to make him confess to seeing other women, because she 'knew' he was playing around. You can guess how that went down! He felt cornered as if he had been forced into a confessional in the guise of having 'therapy' which is generally considered useful and validating. She felt vindicated that I was seeing the lying side of him, while frustrated that I wasn't browbeating him into admitting what she already 'knew' about his transgressions. I felt like I was being put in the role of a principal of a school with a teacher bringing me a naughty boy to be punished - unwilling to take on that mantle. Couples therapy often fails to take off because the intentions of one or other of the partners is to make the other feel bad. They say they want to work on the relationship but when it comes down to it, the partner that instigated the therapy usually wants to shame, blame and reclaim the control.

Comments Off on Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy

Seven Reasons You Might Collude With Your Partner To Flirt With Your Best Friend

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00January 6th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

Does it bother you when you catch your partner flirting with your best friend? Do you swing from thinking it's good that they are pals, to wondering if both of them are betraying you? It must be very uncomfortable for you to be caught in this trap. Do you confront one or other and risk being seen as overly sensitive or jealous? What if you hurt one or both when they feel that you mistrust them and that the friendship and romantic relationship are in jepoardy? Do you wait to see what develops? Do you nip things in the bud?

Comments Off on Seven Reasons You Might Collude With Your Partner To Flirt With Your Best Friend

Four Reasons Why PreMarital Counseling Ensures You Truly Know The Person You Plan to Marry

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00November 26th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

Filled with excitement and carried away by romance you imagine the fairy tale of living happily ever after. You do everything you can to protect yourself against anticipating the adjustments you will have to make when living together as fallible human beings. But marriage turns the rose colored glasses you wore into lenses of disappointment, resentment, anger and mistrust - especially when your impending marriage is primarily an exit strategy from controlling or rejecting and abandoning parents.

Comments Off on Four Reasons Why PreMarital Counseling Ensures You Truly Know The Person You Plan to Marry

Five Ways to Shift From the “I” Body Language to the “We” Stance in Your Relationship

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00October 31st, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Do you know what messages your body language gives your partner? Do you know how to read the signals of defense rather than togetherness? When you are fighting for your point of you, to be made right, and win the battle, then your relationship is in jeopoardy. So alert yourself to the behaviors that stress the "I" part of you, where the couple part is demoted. Then tune into the behaviors that stress the "we" part of the couple so your relationship can survive and thrive.

Comments Off on Five Ways to Shift From the “I” Body Language to the “We” Stance in Your Relationship

Bullet Proof Your Relationship Against Your Partner Leaving You

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00October 14th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Breakups and Separation, Intimacy, separation counseling|

Imagine if your partner suddenly said they were going to leave you? Would you be shocked, shaken, stunned and destabilized? You would feel insecure and stressed. Then you were probably imagining that everything was fine and that you had the near perfect relationship. Hardly any arguments, shared jobs and good sex. But what about the emotional intimacy?

Comments Off on Bullet Proof Your Relationship Against Your Partner Leaving You

Six Things Men Want Their Women To Know But Are Too Afraid To Tell Them

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00August 25th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy|

Ladies, did you know that men aren't just interested in sex and actually want to play and have fun with you? Research published in July 2014 from Columbia University School of Public Health found that young men want emotional closeness and not just sex. The American Sociology Society reported in August 2014 that it is women who have affairs do so for the sex when their passions aren't met by their husbands - they aren't interested in emotional intimacy or divorce. When you get too serious about being the 'perfect' partner your man feels that he no longer means anything to you, except a trophy, a 'Mr. Fixit' or an object of sex - just so you get to feel like you are doing your duty as a ma

Comments Off on Six Things Men Want Their Women To Know But Are Too Afraid To Tell Them

Why Your Partner Rejects You When You Try to Get Close – part 1

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00June 24th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

Are you ready to give up on your relationship because your partner shuts you out and keeps you out each time you try to connect? Are you fed up with being treated like a monster instead of a lover and a loving partner? Maybe you are wondering what on earth is making your partner push you away and spurn your efforts to get emotionally intimate! This video is the first in a series that takes you behind the curtains and into the soul of your partner - where you can see all the murky fears that make it hard to trust you and let you in.

Comments Off on Why Your Partner Rejects You When You Try to Get Close – part 1

How to Make the Most Out of Giving and Receiving Apologies in Close Relationships?

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00May 30th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Whenever thirty-six-year-old Danny saw his twenty-nine-year-old partner Liz upset and crying about something he didn’t do, or something expectation he hadn’t met, he would start to feel guilty and ashamed and obey her demands for an apology. He wanted her to stop crying and rescue him from the guilt and shame. He wasn’t really interested in her feelings and how she interpreted his behavior. Each time he apologized she got more angry and would either shut down or berate him even more. Danny floundered, not knowing what to do next or how to keep their connection intact. When he felt aggrieved with Liz for not appreciating his thoughtfulness or his help around the house, he wouldn’t tell her about it. He wanted her to feel bad and apologize for snubbing him, but he wasn’t going to ask. He imagined how sweet it would be when she eventually ate humble pie and begged him to take the apology and resume normal relations

Comments Off on How to Make the Most Out of Giving and Receiving Apologies in Close Relationships?
Go to Top