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Pressing The Refresh Button On a Crumbling Marriage

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00July 21st, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Have you hit a really rough spot in your marriage making it feel as if it's once strong and reliable foundation is about to crumble? Then you must be feeling very insecure and stressed. Do you wonder why your tried and trusted ways of being together and talking about things is no longer working? Perhaps the old ways are exactly the problem! When you first met your needs were different and you set up a system that suited you at the time. But now you have matured, become smarter with more experience. You may want the same things, but not in quite the same way. How do you have a conversation about that without making your partner feel criticized? How do you navigate without having a conflict?

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Do You and Your Partner Agree on Your Goals for Marriage?

By |2017-09-13T20:55:49+00:00July 7th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Six months into their relationship, 35-year-old part time banker Simone’s patience was wearing thin. When if ever would 39-year-old reporter Miguel feel comfortable enough to propose marriage? She wanted to make sure she wasn’t dating a guy who would string her along and then quit. She thought she had done so by asking him directly and having got the answer she wanted, assumed it was just a matter of time. But there was no marriage proposal happened. Miguel spent more time away from Simone, and when he was around he was tired, played on his phone or went out with old friends. Yet he replied that he did want to marry but there were fears he had to overcome.

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Four Ways To Understand a Sexless Marriage and Make it Work

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00June 16th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues|

What is a sexless marriage? Is it lack of intercourse, or lack of any sexual contact? Is affection a part of a sexless marriage, or is touching not allowed? Maybe a sexless marriage is when there is no sexual contact and intercourse for more than a year! Is it a lack of libido , or is it intercourse that is conducted as a ritual or routine duty?

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The 5 Biggest Love Myths That Underpin Your Unhappiness

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00June 2nd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Most of us grow up with myths about what love is and ought to be like if it was real and trustworthy. We get it from fairy tales, love songs, country music, movies, folk lore and hearing our friends and family talk about their longings. We pay attention to the "happy ever after" ending in stories and dream that we too could be valuable and worthwhile enough to inspire that kind of devotional love. But inevitably we get disappointed, heartbroken, betrayed, abandoned, or have to share that love with others. We can't stand it and believe that it is not normal. Something is either wrong with the person we love, or something is wrong with us!

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The Most Damaging Secrets You Keep From Your Partner

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00May 22nd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Is it an affair? NO Is it something shady from your past? NO Is it your past identity? NO Is it something about your parental or cultural heritage? N0 So what are these worms that eat away at your relationship, called secrets?

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How to Turn Envy into Togetherness

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00April 15th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues, Uncategorized|

If you have ever felt envious in the tiniest bit you will know how it can eat your soul alive and make you unavailable for an emotionally intimate relationship. You will be so filled with envious rage that others have what you should have, deserve and have been deprived of that there is no room for anything else. On the other hand if you have felt the envious rage of a loved one thrown your way, you may be blindsided by its force and intensity. You may not be able to see where the rage is coming from, let alone understand that there is envy behind it, because to you there is no reason for it. Either way it's important that envy doesn't destabilize your relationship. Without recognition and attention to reducing it, envy shows itself in aggressive ways, turning an accepting love into one of possession.

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Seven Healthy Ways To Regain Power In Your Relationship

By |2017-09-13T20:56:52+00:00March 31st, 2015|Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Overwhelmed with the prospect of having to manage the finances of the household, thirty-three-year-old Andy gave his power over to his thirty-two-year-old wife who was a whiz at it. He enjoyed the lack of responsibility and the chance not to have to worry about money. UNTIL his wife complained bitterly that he was not pulling his weight. He would get involved for a short time to appease her, but soon drifted back into his old ways until the next time she exploded. Sometimes he acted like a robot not to feel the shame and blame and other times he was passive aggressive, playing the martyr to her abuser roles. What if Andy chose one or more of the healthier ways of owning and exerting his power so that he didn't have to give it away and get it back in the less healthy ways?

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Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

By |2017-09-11T16:54:49+00:00March 17th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Pinning you down to score points Remember those fights when your partner brought up all the 'nasty' things you said and did, as if they were being read from a score sheet? That's often how loved ones track each others sins of omission and sins of commission. Fired up with indignation and fury when there is tension between you, they mentally read from that score sheet to bury you in one fell swoop, so that they can feel vindicated. Perhaps you do the same thing without knowing it. Maybe you too make mental notes of the things you wanted your partner to do and felt slighted when you were let down. It's likely that you can predict the moment your partner is going to go 'off' on a tirade, bringing up all the garbage from the past to make you feel like the devil incarnate. Ever wondered why you and your partner relate in this way?

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Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00February 18th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|

Once you were your mother's right arm, her champion and her savior. In return she took care of you by paying for everything you needed, so you didn't have to look for work or a life partner. But now you want to think for yourself. You want your feelings to count, not just those of your mother's. But you are scared that if you show how your mind works differently, that your mother won't like it, and take away your financial cushion. Yet, you want to be free to make your own mistakes. You love your mother and want a connection, but you want to share social moments because it feels good, not because you feel it is expected or that you will be punished if you don't!

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Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00January 20th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, relationship issues|

Recently a woman brought her male partner into therapy to make him confess to seeing other women, because she 'knew' he was playing around. You can guess how that went down! He felt cornered as if he had been forced into a confessional in the guise of having 'therapy' which is generally considered useful and validating. She felt vindicated that I was seeing the lying side of him, while frustrated that I wasn't browbeating him into admitting what she already 'knew' about his transgressions. I felt like I was being put in the role of a principal of a school with a teacher bringing me a naughty boy to be punished - unwilling to take on that mantle. Couples therapy often fails to take off because the intentions of one or other of the partners is to make the other feel bad. They say they want to work on the relationship but when it comes down to it, the partner that instigated the therapy usually wants to shame, blame and reclaim the control.

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