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The Real Fear Behind Fear of Committment

By |2017-09-11T19:42:21+00:00June 11th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|

Are you longing to feel like you have a partner that is a good fit and that you are finally settling down, but wonder why you can't commit? Do you find that the person you are attracted to seems inviting and loving, but that you have doubts about whether there is someone out there even more suitable? Then you are caught in a conflict about what attachment and commitment means to you. One part of you is in touch with the comfort, the love and attention, the togetherness and the bliss of feeling close. But another part of you is scared you will have to give up your right to think for yourself and be your own person. So you end up regretting decisions you make to commit because as soon as you do, it's as if you have just given yourself a term of life in jail.

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How to Make the Most Out of Giving and Receiving Apologies in Close Relationships?

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00May 30th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Whenever thirty-six-year-old Danny saw his twenty-nine-year-old partner Liz upset and crying about something he didn’t do, or something expectation he hadn’t met, he would start to feel guilty and ashamed and obey her demands for an apology. He wanted her to stop crying and rescue him from the guilt and shame. He wasn’t really interested in her feelings and how she interpreted his behavior. Each time he apologized she got more angry and would either shut down or berate him even more. Danny floundered, not knowing what to do next or how to keep their connection intact. When he felt aggrieved with Liz for not appreciating his thoughtfulness or his help around the house, he wouldn’t tell her about it. He wanted her to feel bad and apologize for snubbing him, but he wasn’t going to ask. He imagined how sweet it would be when she eventually ate humble pie and begged him to take the apology and resume normal relations

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Constant Arguments With Family and Friends Shorten Your LIfe

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00May 14th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|

At the age of fifty three Simon dropped dead one evening while sitting on the settee with a drink to unwind after his long and tense day. His three teenage children didn’t notice as they ran around absorbed in their cell phones, while his fifty year old wife Renee busied herself in the kitchen preparing dinner. Success in his limousine business had been hard to come by, but for the last 5 years he grew his customer base and brought home more money. The family home was just the way he and Renee had planned and he had a good network of support in his family and community. He belonged to the local gym, and liked to watch NASCAR racing with his friends. But one thing never got any better – that is the demands made on him by his wife, children, extended family and business partner.

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What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About Your Marital Satisfaction?

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00April 18th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Sleeping in the same bed with her partner Damien at night could be ‘heavenly’ or ‘beastly’ for thirty-seven-year-old florist, Annabel. Sometimes she wanted to mold her body around his, but at other times she felt suffocated by his very presence in the bed. At those times turning her back on him was the only way she could doze off.

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Do You Have To Choose between Romance and a Good Mate?

By |2018-10-15T23:28:18+00:00March 21st, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Are you frustrated with having good people in your life but no one that sparks that romantic fire? Do you find yourself irresistibly attracted to someone who is hot and steamy, but does nothing for you in the friendship department? Perhaps you wonder whether you will ever find a person whom you could trust and rely on while also having good sex. It's probable that you are keeping these two needs so separate that you have to split yourself in half in order to satisfy both parts. But it doesn't have to be that way - if you figure out what purpose it serves to tear yourself into two pieces.

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Procrastinating About an Ambition May Be the Key To Authentic Success!

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00March 14th, 2014|relationship issues|

At 38 years of age April was divorced with two preteens and a boring job that paid the bills. But she was no nearer realizing her goals of becoming a fashion designer, with boutiques all over the world and the glitterati salivating for her next collection. She kept telling herself that one day she would go to college, get her fine arts degree and then set fire to the world with her brilliant clothes. Yet something always got in the way – the kids needed her – she was too tired to go to college and bring up her children – it cost too much – it would take too long – she was too old - no one would like her designs – she didn’t want to market her work – she didn’t have the money to invest in a business, and on it went. April was highly skilled in creating obstacles that felt insurmountable just when it seemed that there was no excuse for not following her dream.

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Rules About What Makes Relationships Last Stop Them From Ever Starting -part 8

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00December 20th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|

If you are struggling with finding a lasting relationship that you can enjoy no matter how stressful the ups and downs, it's likely that you have some deep and powerful unconscious rules about what makes people stick together. You may think that love and attraction are enough to maintain commitment and loyalty but underneath you probably believe that you have to be a certain way, act and think in a specific fashion AND MOST OF ALL that your partner has to do the same. These rules prevent you from giving the relationship a chance to find it's feet. You can't even get to first base because your unconscious relationship rules make you heightened to WHAT IS ABSENT rather than build and shape healthy intimacy, trust and security.

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Rules About Being Your Partner’s Savior Harm Your Relationship – part 7

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00December 13th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Are you in a constant state of anxiety about not being good enough for your partner? Do you find yourself alert to everything and anything that may make your partner upset and then try and fix it right away? Then your unconscious rule about relationships being based on rescuing your partner from every tiny negative feeling or experience will sour the connections.

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Fear Based Rules About Feeling Secure in Your Relationship Can End It! Part 6

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00December 7th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues, separation counseling|

Do you often wonder if your partner finds you exciting enough or good enough? Are you constantly worrying about proving your love, commitment and loyalty? Are you living with the fear that they will find someone better and then going overboard to try and make yourself indispensable? Then you are probably insecure and have an unconscious rule about how to feel more secure. That rule may be that you have to fulfill all your partner's needs so that they become dependent on you, and that way they will never leave. Unfortunately it is a fear based rule which only adds stress and conflict to the relationship, making it more likely to end. You are probably experiencing a never ending cycle of fighting and making up and then fighting again.

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Save Your Marriage By Avoiding Relationship Rules About Your Partner’s Behaviour – part 5

By |2016-12-13T05:19:17+00:00November 30th, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Imagine your excitement planning the best celebration ever for your spouse on a big occasion. Everything is perfect and you have spent days and tons of money that you saved up for this event. You have been imagining the delight and joy on your partner's face. You looked forward to eternal gratitude, great sex, and your virtues being praised to all the family, friends and colleagues around. But your vision is destroyed when your spouse says thank you a few times and leaves it at that. Your disappointment that your partner is tired and doesn't want to keep celebrating is huge. You get angry that your partner is ungrateful and didn't show enough pleasure and for long enough to make your efforts and kind heart worthwhile. You start to show your resentment and your partner is at a loss as to why you are wanting more. The relationship gets tense, stressful and conflict is now the name of the game. And it's all because you had an unconscious rule about how your spouse should respond to your goodness.

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