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Couples Communication Issues – Part 4 – Delivery Style

By |2017-09-13T20:34:30+00:00January 13th, 2016|Communication Issues, Communication Problems, couples therapy|

Are you enraged because your partner seems to hear what you said but doesn't respond? Do you want to engage your partner in a serious conversation but find that your words go in one ear and out the other? Then you are obviously not having an impact. Maybe there is a reason why matters that are important to you, doesn't hit your partner in the same spot.

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Couples Communication Issues – Part 3- Interaction Styles

By |2017-09-13T20:32:30+00:00January 4th, 2016|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, couples therapy, Intimacy|

west los angeles couples counseling Do you walk away from your partner when they start talking to you in ways that seem critical and condemnatory? Maybe your partner does little things to deliberately annoy you while pretending to be angelic on the surface? This style of communicating has a huge impact and cause big feelings, often leading to erruptions. Actions set out to send a big message of protest or of having power and control over your partner can be very useful when you don't want to argue, or when it isn't comfortable to let two different points of view coexist in the same space. But there are some drawbacks - it avoids talking, discussing, exploring and understanding. Without words, there is no appreciation of each others intent, motive, hurt, anxiety, fear, expectation or desire. There is only protest, punishment, revenge, an attempt to be control, and one up-manship.

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Couples Communication Issues – Part 2 – The Approach

By |2017-09-13T20:23:03+00:00December 29th, 2015|Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy|

communication issues in couples therapy The approach you take when you initiate a conversation with your spouse determines whether or not you get through, or stay outside feeling unseen and unheard. In this second of the series on couples communication issues, you will learn why your partner shuts down, shuts you out and shuts down the relationship. You will also discover how your expectations of your partner's words and intentions can effect receptivity, making the difference between being invited in, or being shut out.

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Couples Communication Issues – Part 1, Body Language

By |2016-12-13T05:19:12+00:00November 18th, 2015|Communication Issues, Communication Problems, couples therapy|

Couples communication issues is by far the biggest impetus that draws partners into couples therapy. One person describes the frustrating experience of not being able to get through their partner’s wall, no matter how hard they try. Then the other one says there is no point listening because they know exactly what’s going to be said, and it’s all a load of nonsense! Perhaps you too have felt excluded from your partner’s life, which not only angers you but leads to misunderstandings that have long term implications for how much you trust one and other. Often one member of a couple comes into therapy already having ‘given up!’ They start off with, “what’s the point?” and nine times out of ten it’s the opening salvo in ensuring that no one is going to get past each other’s defensive moats. But what may surprise you is that despite the fact that you feel like there isn’t any communication going on, THERE IS, and plenty of it.

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The Most Damaging Secrets You Keep From Your Partner

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00May 22nd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Is it an affair? NO Is it something shady from your past? NO Is it your past identity? NO Is it something about your parental or cultural heritage? N0 So what are these worms that eat away at your relationship, called secrets?

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Men and Women Have Different Fears that Prevent Them From Discussing Marriage

By |2016-12-29T15:31:30+00:00May 1st, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy|

Gordon was attracted to his wife because she appeared independent, competent, able to handle his anxieties as well as offer comfort and security. After he married her, he discovered that she wanted to be taken care of, play and enjoy her pets - his world crashed. He felt that he had lost the object of his dreams, the security he thought he had garnered, and the tender care that he believed was on tap. The shock of finding out that the tables had been turned on him made him furious and scared. But he didn't dare talk about it to his wife Maria. It was too scary a proposition.

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Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

By |2017-09-11T16:54:49+00:00March 17th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Pinning you down to score points Remember those fights when your partner brought up all the 'nasty' things you said and did, as if they were being read from a score sheet? That's often how loved ones track each others sins of omission and sins of commission. Fired up with indignation and fury when there is tension between you, they mentally read from that score sheet to bury you in one fell swoop, so that they can feel vindicated. Perhaps you do the same thing without knowing it. Maybe you too make mental notes of the things you wanted your partner to do and felt slighted when you were let down. It's likely that you can predict the moment your partner is going to go 'off' on a tirade, bringing up all the garbage from the past to make you feel like the devil incarnate. Ever wondered why you and your partner relate in this way?

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Three Ways to Discuss Finances And Keep the Relationship Smooth!

By |2016-12-29T15:31:48+00:00December 9th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, relationship issues|

How often has money become a deal breaker in your relationship? It happens a lot, doesn't it ! Either you don't agree on how the money should be spent, or who deserves to make the choice. Money is often the heat that inflames a relationship where there is already some tension and power differentials. When one partner gives money to the other, or other people in a unilateral fashion, all sorts of insecurities and stresses build up. Conflict becomes a permanent feature of interactions and the underlying motivations are lost. So here are a few of the hidden motivations behind using money to manage relationships.

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Five Ways to Shift From the “I” Body Language to the “We” Stance in Your Relationship

By |2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00October 31st, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Do you know what messages your body language gives your partner? Do you know how to read the signals of defense rather than togetherness? When you are fighting for your point of you, to be made right, and win the battle, then your relationship is in jeopoardy. So alert yourself to the behaviors that stress the "I" part of you, where the couple part is demoted. Then tune into the behaviors that stress the "we" part of the couple so your relationship can survive and thrive.

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How to use lies in relationships as catalysts to improve communication

By |2016-12-13T05:19:18+00:00May 22nd, 2013|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

One of the most common reasons for couples entering therapy is because one or other partner has been caught in a lie that has broken the bonds of trust and intimacy. The sense of betrayal is so huge that the foundations of the relationship crack and are often hard to mend. It doesn’t have to be about some unacceptable behavior like watching internet porn, gambling, drinking or using substances. Those tangible things are easier to deal with compared to the less obvious lies that relate to the feelings your partner has about you or the relationship. Just think how unsettling and anxiety provoking it can be when your partner says they love you but you sense they are lying? It’s the start of a deepening sense of insecurity that leads to suspicion and fear, which is what led Andrew and Sharon to positions of self-defense and protection rather than mutual sharing and care taking.

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