Max was bathed in support and sympathy from his family, fiance and friends. They rallied around and helped him get through the first year of struggle for recovery. Together with his pain medications and physical therapy, the network of people caring for him acted as buffers against his volcanic fury. Cocooned in this chrysalis his outrage and resentment swelled into a festering reservoir of hate, waiting to explode.
Recently Donna has felt hopeless about her love life. She was resigned to being single and without children even though it was one of her cherished dreams. She wanted to believe that it could come true but was scared to pin her hopes on it. She kept her dreams safe in her fantasy world where reality couldn't spoil her image. She had relationships with men that were either friendships or sexual liaisons, but never both. She had never experienced the closeness and intimacy of a relationship that had it all. Reckless Behavior Stuns Donna At about this time Donna had been taken in by a gypsy in an upscale part of town and gave her $1000 to hear something hopeful about her future. A day or so later it dawned on her - the magnitude of what she had done! She was astounded that a wish to believe in her fantasy just for a moment could make her so reckless and give up her common sense and self-protection. She had given money to friends to help them out, but never just thrown such a large sum on a whim! A Disturbing Dream Haunts Donna A couple of months later Donna's next dream startled her. She hated theme parks but there she was in her dream at a fair ground theme park with a friend. She saw a gypsy who promised to tell her important things about her love life.
Are you scared that if you have time with friends, family, colleagues or just alone that you are deserting your loved one? Is the fear of being seen as disloyal stopping you from living a full and satisfying life? The real fear you have is that if you step out of the arena even for a short while to take care of your needs outside the relationship that your loved one will forget you, find someone else or just not want you back.
Donna's next dream was really scary. She was watching herself get blown up and bits of her were flying all around. What a way to wake up? It came the night after she did some good work at a chartiy event and got a temp job that she liked. So why such a nightmare?
Sabrina woke up itching with red splotches all over her face, neck, chest and arms. Dermatitis was back, out of the blue. Frustrated with this itchy eczema she went to breakfast determined to be strong and in command when her parents threw questions at her about her health and career. Sabrina decided to by pass that scenario. She didn’t want to feel angry, upset, foolish or small. She put on her tried and trusted battle costume. The one that allowed her to focus her attention and concern on everyone else. That way she could avoid conflicts, protect herself from disappointment, make the family feel good and avoid getting stressed out. It was a sure fire way to succeed and be in full control. Sabrina felt strong and ready to head off any battles before they decimated her sense of efficacy and pride in herself. The eczema outbreak shocked her, and that’s when she decided to discover more about herself and her dermatitis.
Faye often fantasized about leaving and finding a more responsive partner. She imagined a more loving and thankful man who valued her empathy, her consideration and her willingness to give him space to fulfill his ambition. That’s what she had hoped to get from Kyle, but that was now a lost cause. Faye found herself getting irritable with Kyle, finding fault with him just for breathing and avoiding any physical contact. Their relationship had become a tension filled balloon about to burst as it ran out of air!
I do what you want, but you never let me do what I want! Justin had his heart set on the new BMW sports car, but Bernice wondered whether it was the best way of spending money at this point. There were other more important priorities like her business start up, the kids school fees and house repairs to consider. Justin blew up. “ You never let me have what I want! When you wanted to go to Costa Rica I agreed because I knew what that meant to you. I let you choose the living room furniture even though I hated it. Yet when something is important to me you pour cold water all over it, and make me feel selfish.”
Do you dread those tense moments when you can feel a fight starting up between you and your loved on? Are you tired and needing a breather but can't find a way out? Have you tried not reacting, compromising, pleasing and shutting down, but yet the sparks fly and the fights erupt? Then you and your loved ones may have problems with boundaries in your relationships. You see, it's not that you are arguing points or opinions but that you are trying desperately to carve out comfortable space for yourself without harming the couple part of the relationship. That's when the tension gets high and some fighting needs to take place to get you the space!
Do you prefer showing your anger by giving someone the silent treatment? Now think of the time when a friend didn’t return your calls and you felt angry at being ignored. Perhaps you didn’t answer the phone when your friend did eventually call you back. You wanted to get your own back and punish your friend. It is a conscious and premeditated act of anger. Somehow this way of releasing anger is more acceptable, but not necessarily better for the relationship.
Koren began to have flash backs about her own school experiences. She relived the incident when she had been wrongly blamed for throwing a paper dart in English class. Her mother had been told she was insolent and defiant. Her mother never asked Koren to tell her side of the story. Her mother believed the teacher and Koren was shamed for letting the family down. The same feelings of shame, humiliation and rage that Koren had felt at that time were washing over her now as she felt marginalized by Hector’s school Principal. As a child Koren couldn’t show or talk about her bitter disappointment and rage at not being championed. Koren was left unprotected, scapegoated and gagged.
