Anxiety therapy Archives - Page 3 of 27

Men and Women Have Different Fears that Prevent Them From Discussing Marriage
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Men and Women Have Different Fears that Prevent Them From Discussing Marriage

Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy

Men and Women Have Different Fears that Prevent Them From Discussing Marriage

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-29T15:31:30+00:00May 1st, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy|

Gordon was attracted to his wife because she appeared independent, competent, able to handle his anxieties as well as offer comfort and security. After he married her, he discovered that she wanted to be taken care of, play and enjoy her pets - his world crashed. He felt that he had lost the object of his dreams, the security he thought he had garnered, and the tender care that he believed was on tap. The shock of finding out that the tables had been turned on him made him furious and scared. But he didn't dare talk about it to his wife Maria. It was too scary a proposition.

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How to Turn Envy into Togetherness
How to Turn Envy into Togetherness

Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues, Uncategorized

How to Turn Envy into Togetherness

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00April 15th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, relationship issues, Uncategorized|

If you have ever felt envious in the tiniest bit you will know how it can eat your soul alive and make you unavailable for an emotionally intimate relationship. You will be so filled with envious rage that others have what you should have, deserve and have been deprived of that there is no room for anything else. On the other hand if you have felt the envious rage of a loved one thrown your way, you may be blindsided by its force and intensity. You may not be able to see where the rage is coming from, let alone understand that there is envy behind it, because to you there is no reason for it. Either way it's important that envy doesn't destabilize your relationship. Without recognition and attention to reducing it, envy shows itself in aggressive ways, turning an accepting love into one of possession.

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Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop
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Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues

Keeping Score: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Then Stop

By dr_j_raymond|2017-09-11T16:54:49+00:00March 17th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, Communication Problems, Intimacy, relationship issues|

Pinning you down to score points Remember those fights when your partner brought up all the 'nasty' things you said and did, as if they were being read from a score sheet? That's often how loved ones track each others sins of omission and sins of commission. Fired up with indignation and fury when there is tension between you, they mentally read from that score sheet to bury you in one fell swoop, so that they can feel vindicated. Perhaps you do the same thing without knowing it. Maybe you too make mental notes of the things you wanted your partner to do and felt slighted when you were let down. It's likely that you can predict the moment your partner is going to go 'off' on a tirade, bringing up all the garbage from the past to make you feel like the devil incarnate. Ever wondered why you and your partner relate in this way?

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How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent
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How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent

Anxiety therapy, Intimacy

How to Tell the Difference Betwen Being Needy and Being Dependent

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00March 3rd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

One of the most common fears people have in romantic relationships is about being needy. It arouses shame, followed by a massive attempt to compensate. Often it takes the form of becoming totally self-sufficient to the point of avoiding all social contact. The result: isolation, lack of emotional intimacy, leading to insecurity and depression – which in turn makes you more ‘needy.’

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Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers
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Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers

Anxiety therapy, relationship issues

Three Steps For Daughters To Free Themselves of Co-Dependent Relationships With Mothers

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00February 18th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, relationship issues|

Once you were your mother's right arm, her champion and her savior. In return she took care of you by paying for everything you needed, so you didn't have to look for work or a life partner. But now you want to think for yourself. You want your feelings to count, not just those of your mother's. But you are scared that if you show how your mind works differently, that your mother won't like it, and take away your financial cushion. Yet, you want to be free to make your own mistakes. You love your mother and want a connection, but you want to share social moments because it feels good, not because you feel it is expected or that you will be punished if you don't!

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The ABC of Being a Treasured Valentine
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The ABC of Being a Treasured Valentine

Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy

The ABC of Being a Treasured Valentine

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00February 3rd, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy|

Just imagine getting lots of hugs, hand holds, heads on shoulders, gentle touches of reassurance and looks of love? Wouldn't that be satisfying if you could count on that every day from your valentine? Now switch and consider how much your valentine wants the same affectionate interactions from and with you! Put that on your mental list of ways to show love and be loved. Then take a panoramic shot of how often you and your loved one reciprocate affection as a routine way of interacting!

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Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy
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Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy

Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, relationship issues

Ten Reasons Not to Go to Couples Therapy

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00January 20th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, relationship issues|

Recently a woman brought her male partner into therapy to make him confess to seeing other women, because she 'knew' he was playing around. You can guess how that went down! He felt cornered as if he had been forced into a confessional in the guise of having 'therapy' which is generally considered useful and validating. She felt vindicated that I was seeing the lying side of him, while frustrated that I wasn't browbeating him into admitting what she already 'knew' about his transgressions. I felt like I was being put in the role of a principal of a school with a teacher bringing me a naughty boy to be punished - unwilling to take on that mantle. Couples therapy often fails to take off because the intentions of one or other of the partners is to make the other feel bad. They say they want to work on the relationship but when it comes down to it, the partner that instigated the therapy usually wants to shame, blame and reclaim the control.

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Seven Reasons You Might Collude With Your Partner To Flirt With Your Best Friend
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Seven Reasons You Might Collude With Your Partner To Flirt With Your Best Friend

Anxiety therapy, Intimacy

Seven Reasons You Might Collude With Your Partner To Flirt With Your Best Friend

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00January 6th, 2015|Anxiety therapy, Intimacy|

Does it bother you when you catch your partner flirting with your best friend? Do you swing from thinking it's good that they are pals, to wondering if both of them are betraying you? It must be very uncomfortable for you to be caught in this trap. Do you confront one or other and risk being seen as overly sensitive or jealous? What if you hurt one or both when they feel that you mistrust them and that the friendship and romantic relationship are in jepoardy? Do you wait to see what develops? Do you nip things in the bud?

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How To Make Sure Your Marriage Doesn’t End in Separation Before its Too Late!
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How To Make Sure Your Marriage Doesn’t End in Separation Before its Too Late!

Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, separation counseling

How To Make Sure Your Marriage Doesn’t End in Separation Before its Too Late!

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-13T05:19:13+00:00December 23rd, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, separation counseling|

Do you constantly weight up the pros and cons of breaking up and separating, hoping against hope that some miracle will happen and save you from bitter disappointment? Then there is definitely something there that you can work on. You don't really want to separate, but you can't live a life of pretense any longer. You missed out on premarital counseling when you might have seen more of your partner and revised your ideas of married life. So what can you do now?

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Three Ways to Discuss Finances And Keep the Relationship Smooth!
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Three Ways to Discuss Finances And Keep the Relationship Smooth!

Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, relationship issues

Three Ways to Discuss Finances And Keep the Relationship Smooth!

By dr_j_raymond|2016-12-29T15:31:48+00:00December 9th, 2014|Anxiety therapy, Communication Issues, relationship issues|

How often has money become a deal breaker in your relationship? It happens a lot, doesn't it ! Either you don't agree on how the money should be spent, or who deserves to make the choice. Money is often the heat that inflames a relationship where there is already some tension and power differentials. When one partner gives money to the other, or other people in a unilateral fashion, all sorts of insecurities and stresses build up. Conflict becomes a permanent feature of interactions and the underlying motivations are lost. So here are a few of the hidden motivations behind using money to manage relationships.

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