Insomnia dogged 36-year-old Phillipe all his life. He hated not being able to control his body and make it do the right thing, just as he hated all parts of himself that were not perfect. Insomnia was a sign of imperfection and a sign that he wasn’t normal – making him feel defeated in the process.
Insomnia reared its ugly head one winter time when Phillipe, an electrical engineer felt that he was being pushed aside in his wife’s affections by their new puppy dog. It stirred up all his old fears of not being lovable enough, and not as desirable as the puppy whose cuteness melted whoever looked at her. Unsuccessful attempts at trying to win his wife’s attention again and again kept him angry, awake and desperate.
Insomnia kept Phillipe awake night after night, and with each passing night, Philippe got angrier and more rageful. How could this be happening to him? He was following the rules, doing everything he was expected to do, and yet he couldn’t get to sleep and stay asleep. If he nodded off for a bit, he woke up again shortly after and was livid that he couldn’t get his eight solid hours.
How I helped my client with acute Insomnia in the past:
Insomnia in the past had been annoying, but we worked together in therapy to overcome it by accepting that it was happening – trying to ride the storm by getting up and reading or doing some activity that would detract from the irritation. These short but acute episodes were successfully managed with these tactics while exploring the source of Phillipe’s conflicts and fantasies of doom.
This time he needed something more – distraction didn’t cut it, nor did mindfulness practices and meditation which just exacerbated his sense of failure.
Here’s how I helped Phillipe with his chronic insomnia:
1. I helped Phillipe with his chronic insomnia by first alerting him to the fact that rage, especially unacknowledged rage prevents sleep.
• Anger was flooding his body with adrenaline – contraindicated for sleep. His body wasn’t going to ‘let go’ if he was fired up ready for fight or flight.
• Anger about not being able to force his body to do what he wanted just because his conscious mind wanted it, led to a spiral of failure and anger about being defeated, ensuring no sleep.
2. I helped Phillipe with his chronic insomnia next by informing him that his fierce need to be in control prevents sleep – which involves surrender. Therefore he wasn’t going to get sleep with this massive conflict around control-surrender being played out at night time.
3. I helped Phillipe with his chronic insomnia by pointing out how his dysregulated emotions prevented him from feeling safe enough to sleep. All his emotions swirling around with nothing to hold them together, make sense of them and calm him down – a perfect recipe for insomnia.
• I traced these unsettling experiences to his infancy when he was uncertain about having contact with his mother if he slept. Would she still be there when he awoke? Would she make sense of his fear and speak to his mixed up emotions so that he could relax, surrender to her care, and sleep?
4. I helped Phillipe with his chronic insomnia by suggesting he handwrite (not type on a device) down everything that came to mind when he tried to sleep but couldn’t. Everything, no matter how disjointed or nonsensical; all the swearing he was doing inside his head; all the judgement he was heaping on himself, and all the longings he had for someone to sit by him and sing him a lullaby – something he had never had.
5. I helped Phillipe with his Chronic Insomnia by highlighting the benefits of handwriting all his feelings and thoughts such as:
• Shaping the Inner Conflict -Using the motor skills of hand movements and the words that came up from his frightened and darkly angry side combine to give a shape to his inner torment.
• Engagement of the whole brain to help express the inner conflicts. The whole brain is engaged in the representation of the inner conflicts that are otherwise disowned in the muddiness of emotional dysregulation.
• Synchrony of brain by slowing it down. When all parts of the brain are communicating in synchrony, then the prefrontal cortex organizes and makes order of chaos, quietens down the over active amygdala which is stimulating and reacting to the adrenalin and cortisone sloshing around.
• Thorough Exploration and Deeper Processing of Inner Conflicts and Emotional Dysregulation.
The connectivity between neurons from all parts of the brain restore equilibrium and allows for a more grounded experience. Philippe can tolerate a more thorough exploration of his conflicts, rage, and fear, and process it on a deeper level. That offers an opportunity for self-acceptance rather than the failed defeatism of perfectionism.
• Putting all the emotions in all their darkness out there on paper and reading it back allowed Phillipe to own these conflicts.
• Once his psyche was satisfied that he had seen, written and owned his inner conflicts and the rage and fear that accompanied them; he could afford to surrender to sleep.
Post Script: Phillipe slept like a log when he found that writing everything down no matter how unpalatable. He felt lighter and more ready to let go. Now when he is having the odd night of insomnia he knows something is eating him up inside and he writes it all down, sleeps immediately and then talks about the stuff he wrote about in his therapy sessions to understand and metabolize it.
Research on Handwriting rather than typing on keyboard
Professor of Psychology and Neurology Dr. Audrey van der Meer does research on the value of handwriting. You can check out her research talks on YouTube
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