Do you get upset when your loved one wants to spend time with a friend or a relative? Does it feel like you are being discarded or abandoned? Are you also angry and ashamed of your feelings since you “know” that there is nothing disloyal or sinister in their motives? You don’t know whether to give into the feelings and have it out with your loved one or tell yourself to suck it up, grow up and step up! You find that if you ignore your feelings, then you take the risk of nursing the pain indefinitely and that isn’t appealing. If you show your hurt and anger then you risk feeling ashamed of your childish behavior and that doesn’t you feel good in the relationship.
When you are angry most of the time it's very wearing and tough to live with. You just want to numb it out so you can get on with the day. But when you go numb you get into a dark place. You get depressed and become isolated. It's good not to feel all that anger and other stuff but it's lonely, empty and demotivating. You want to come out of that dark place and connect with people but you don't want to bring all that anger that makes you so uncomfortable. In that depressing place you can't tell the difference between anger, frustration, irritability or guilt. Everything gets blurred and keeps you sealed up in listless depressing mood. But what if you could discover all the underlying emotions that got mushed into anger and use them to be an active player in your life?
Do you feel blown away into the wind when your loved one refuses to talk to you when you approach them? Are you hurt, angry and bitterly disappointed that all the work you put into getting ready to address an important issue in the relationship is now for nothing? Do you feel like you have no control over when your loved one is receptive, or when they will ever be? That is very frustrating and stressful. Not knowing when your partner is going to be in the mood means you have to stuff your feelings that you took a while to put in a way that you imagined would be acceptable, but now you have been gagged, yet again. Are you ready to stand up for yourself and your relationship by calling your loved one out in a way they can't ignore?
If you are a man it’s more likely that you are eager to shift away from bad feelings after having an upsetting interaction with your female partner. You get disappointed when your partner is reluctant to join you in a better place. If you are a woman it’s likely that you need more time to deal with all your sad, angry and fearful feelings and it’s aggravating when your partner tries to cheer you up just to make himself feel better, without considering your pace of recovery. You get disappointed that your partner is not in tune with your needs and that makes you feel even worse. The lack of synchronicity heightens the tension between you and can create schisms that erode the ties of your relationship.
Do you get so frustrated with the uncertainty of not knowing whether your relationship is off or on that you consider making your partner jealous? Do you have visions of flirting with someone else just to get a reaction from your partner that will show you that you belong to them? Are you needing to test your partner and the bonds of your relationship by bringing in a potential rival so that your partner will claim you and be true to you forever more? That sounds exhausting and very unsatisfying? When will it be enough? Will you have to keep doing it every time you feel insecure? Think of the damage it could do to the relationship in the long run, and the stress that you have to endure to keep your security levels topped up?
Does the stress of fighting with your loved one linger for hours if not days? Does the discomfort of the conflict turn into uncertainty about the status of the relationship? Then you must be aware that all that stress and anxiety clogs up the communication channels preventing transparency about how the relationship is faring from moment to moment. It’s an awful place when neither of you know what the other is thinking or feeling and so you jump to the worst case scenario, adding even more stress to an already charged situation. You are left holding your breath with anxiety about how things will turn out and what the long term damage will be to the nature of your connection. Why wait helplessly to find out how long the crack in the relationship will last or who if anyone should make the move to repair it? There is a much easier way to reestablish the connection you had before the conflict that can make you feel calmer, closer and more secure in the blink of an eye as Bridget and Patrick’s experience shows.
The first disappointment came when Nancy didn't want to go with Faith to planned social events. It was as if Nancy was ashamed to be associated with her. The second let down was harder to swallow. Nancy never asked about Faith's job, her relationship with Bruno, or their future plans. Nancy used Faith's house as a hotel and didn't bother with even the most basic of social graces. Any efforts on Faith's part to confide in Nancy met with the same critical hostility and dismissal that her mother doled out. There was no togetherness, no reminiscing, no sisterhood.
Do you often wonder whether your partner is genuine in their expression of love? Are you reluctant to accept gestures towards you because you are not sure if it is done with passion or just to placate you? Then you are missing out on the pleasure of knowing for certain how your loved one feels about you. You can give yourself the comfort and security of knowing the ways in which men and women are identical in expressing love and the key ways in which they differ.
Natalie took the hospitality for granted, and Shelly saw red. How could Natalie be so blind, insensitive and callous? Couldn't she tell how much she was hurting Shelly? Didn't Natalie know how much Shelly had put her life on hold to organize the visit? Wasn't it obvious how much money she had to borrow from Devon, and all the activities with friends and colleagues she had turned down? Shelly couldn't get over the fact that her well heeled sister would be so selfish, thoughtless and ungrateful. Her buttons were pushed a million times a day during that long weekend. But she never said a word.
The buildup to the date was always fraught with hope and visions of ‘clicking’ immediately, but Paula always came home disappointed. The dates either fizzled out or followed a predictable path of one-night stands. What angered Paula the most was that the plain girls seemed to get repeat dates that often led to engagements and marriage. She was furious that all her work to attract guys worked for just one date. What did the other girls have that she didn’t? They didn’t seem to have anything special or anything that she would want to emulate. Yet they had the intimate touches, companionship, and gentle humor that made Paula so envious!