Relationship Advice Tips for Intimacy Problems by Dr. Jeanette Raymond
Recapturing intimacy felt so good, until it went bad again!
Intimacy returned to Hazel and Trevor’s marriage, but it disappeared in a flash!
It had been a long time since Hazel and Trevor had enjoyed physical intimacy. Now they were experiencing the same excitement of their early days together when they couldn’t get enough of each other. But just as they found that pleasure, Hazel developed a bladder infection.
Hazel was thrilled with Trevor wanting her again. All her insecurity and fear about her marriage ending up on the rocks disappeared as she felt the warmth and softness of their intimacy. The possibility of growing their family was real again. Hazel gave herself over to the physical pleasure of their love making.
Trevor accuses Hazel of using him as a stud!
Trevor bursts the bubble by complaining that Hazel just wants to be serviced!
Trevor’s complaints hit her like a bombshell. He accused her of not participating in the love making. He told that he felt he was just there to ‘service her!’ Hazel was stung with disbelief. How could he say something like that? Couldn’t he feel, see and hear how much she was actively enjoying it? Hazel’s mood changed after that harsh remark. The next morning she woke up with a bladder infection. She kept it to herself, fearful that if Trevor knew it would put an end to their intimacy so recently revived.
Bladder infections were nothing new to Hazel. During the halcyon days of the marriage when they made love frequently, Hazel suffered bladder infections as a matter of course. Trevor felt responsible and used it as one of his reasons to avoid closeness. Then came the disagreements, the misunderstandings, the hurts, the anger, the fights and the silences that made Hazel fear the marriage was on its last legs. Trevor made it clear that he didn’t want to bring another child into their family because of the psychological and emotional strain on their relationship. He rarely came to bed with her and when he did he made sure she was fast asleep.
The last thing Hazel wanted to do was jeopardize their love life. How could she convince her husband that she didn’t expect him to do all the work? How could she make him understand that she was eager to make him feel wanted so that he could enjoy the experience with her?
Hazel develops a painful bladder infection that stops her from enjoying sex!
Bladder infection to the rescue!
Imagine Trevor watching and feeling his wife get a lot of pleasure from his love making, but feel that he was left out. That would make him feel used, for her pleasure or just for his sperm – because he knows how much Hazel wants another baby. As he makes love these thoughts come and interfere with the intimate connection he has with his wife. They make him feel like a servant. In that moment he gets disconnected and accuses her of wanting a stud!
So what can Hazel do to remedy the situation without messing with their sex life? She can stop enjoying it as much as she does! That will make Trevor feel less like he is just there to service her. The quickest and easiest way to enjoy love making less is to contract a bladder infection! It will make Hazel feel somewhat uncomfortable and a bit tense when they make love. If Hazel isn’t in seventh heaven then Trevor won’t think he is just there to please her, and he can focus more on his own pleasure. The bladder infection comes just at the right moment to help her tune out of physical pleasure to help her husband feel better about himself.
Since Hazel already has a history of bladder infections, it is nothing new or out of the ordinary. But now it has a purpose that saves Hazel’s marriage.
Hazel and Trevor’s willingness to be transparent before love making helps them enjoy intimacy!
Is there another way to resolve the intimacy problems between Hazel and Trevor?
Hazel didn’t want to talk to Trevor about her anxiety regarding his accusations. She didn’t want to rock the boat. Keeping silent made her fear and anxiety about their relationship speak through her body, by giving her a bladder infection.
Step one is to talk about what it means for Trevor and Hazel to rejuvenate their love life.
Discussing the value they each place on their sex life and what it says about their marriage helps to air concerns and anxieties before destructive thoughts can ruin the individual acts of intimacy and the relationship in general.
Step two: Sharing their feelings about coming together after a spell of disconnection and hostility makes it more likely that the sex will be about loving each other in that way, rather than imbued with magical powers of relationship maneuvering that may come back to bite down the road.
The softness, warmth and affection of their love making should be the start of a more open and honest communication, not a way of hiding fears, anxieties and hurt in the hope that it will all disappear.
The boat has already been rocked, so Hazel cannot ‘un-rock’ it! She can keep it steady and avoid it sinking by opening up a dialogue with Trevor about his fears during the love making, share her own, and then enjoy physical intimacy in a relaxed manner with nothing getting in the way!
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have while reading the article or subsequently. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Raymond.
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