Filled with excitement and carried away by romance you imagine the fairy tale of living happily ever after. You do everything you can to protect yourself against anticipating the adjustments you will have to make when living together as fallible human beings. But marriage turns the rose colored glasses you wore into lenses of disappointment, resentment, anger and mistrust - especially when your impending marriage is primarily an exit strategy from controlling or rejecting and abandoning parents.
Are you envious of other peoples relationships? Are you consumed with frustration that other people seem to get what they want and have the 'perfect' relationship while you are struggling to get off the ground? When you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your own relationship, other couples are viewed in idealistic terms. You imagine that just because they are out together or buying groceries together that their relationship must be warm and stress free. You wan the same thing! You don't know why you can't have it, and you feel life is treating you unfairly, despite you being a 'good' person. Thats what happened to thirty-seven year old Jocelyn after her marriage ended in divorce.
Have you ever wondered whether your partner doesn't want you, or doesn't want to commit to anyone? You've probably tried hard to evoke that spark in your partner that touches your heart and makes you feel like you are "the one!" Sometimes you feel he has finally chosen to invest in you, and a few days later you feel empty as he withdraws the total deposit! Is he Jekyll and Hyde? He says all the right things and does what's expected but you can tell his heart isn't into it. You are left confused and wondering whether there is something wrong with him whether you are the problem. Your friends and family tell you that your partner is probably a commitment phobe! But how do you find out if he isn't interested in committing to anyone, or just to you.
Angela and Josh a newly married couple were at logger heads about Angela's mother telling him how to treat and take care of her daughter. She kept calling and texting him about Angela's food needs, her anxieties, her need to get pregnant and the need for child to be a son. Josh tried to talk to Angela about his distaste for being told how to be a good husband by his mother-in-law, but Angela secretly smiled. She was thrilled that her mother was on Josh's back to do the 'right thing' by her, because she was too scared to do it herself. She loved that her mother was her champion, and whipping up her husband to do the same. What Angela didn't appreciate was that Josh was feeling emasculated and furious. He was angry about the temerity of his mother-in-law to tell him what to do, as if he knew nothing of his wife's needs. He was fuming that he wasn't given a chance to find his feet in his new role as a husband., But most of all he was livid that his wife enjoyed seening him as a puppet controlled by her mother.