Three months before his wedding 35 year-old Damien came home from working as a lab technician tired, grumpy and dreading the thought of having to propose to his girlfriend or else lose her. He hated the idea of making that decision only to find that there were better fish in the sea. He thought very highly of 32-year-old Physical Therapist Leila, but didn’t want to make that final commitment. It felt like he was imprisoning himself for life. The stress was unbearable.
Have you been the one to take care of family when others bailed out or abandoned you? Are you the one that keeps family members together at the expense of your own life? Perhaps you felt righteous, strong and saintly doing what needed to be done when everyone else behaved irresponsibly. .Over time the anger turns to rage, and the rage burns you. It makes you want to inflict on your family members what you went through. Suppressed anger makes you exhausted, stressed and unable to concentrate on your work or your routine tasks. Buried anger affects your sleep and your eating patterns. You can no longer live trapped and almost strangled to death by the anger that you have stored up against your family members you use you, abuse your sense of responsibiity and take advantage of your saintliness.
After a relaxing weekend, thirty-three year old Daniel hated when he felt that feeling in the pit of his stomach, reminding him that a new week was about to begin. He enjoyed his two-days-a-week off so much that the transition was painful and anxiety provoking. The thought of leaving his ‘treasure island’ and re-entering the world of reality made him nauseous as he prepared to tear himself away from his personal paradise of ‘do-nothing-and relax’ time. He had to up date his financial records; getting the flyers and ads out for new listings he had procured for his real estate business and keep appointments with his ten-year-old son Drew’s school meetings. He had to go back to being a robot to get through this week, just like every other. The only way he could get himself ready for the job was to whip himself into a state of frenzy and panic – imagining the urgency with which he had to attend to the tasks as hand, for if he didn’t – he was a lazy, useless, unproductive, undeserving layabout!
Are you envious of other peoples relationships? Are you consumed with frustration that other people seem to get what they want and have the 'perfect' relationship while you are struggling to get off the ground? When you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your own relationship, other couples are viewed in idealistic terms. You imagine that just because they are out together or buying groceries together that their relationship must be warm and stress free. You wan the same thing! You don't know why you can't have it, and you feel life is treating you unfairly, despite you being a 'good' person. Thats what happened to thirty-seven year old Jocelyn after her marriage ended in divorce.
Angela and Josh a newly married couple were at logger heads about Angela's mother telling him how to treat and take care of her daughter. She kept calling and texting him about Angela's food needs, her anxieties, her need to get pregnant and the need for child to be a son. Josh tried to talk to Angela about his distaste for being told how to be a good husband by his mother-in-law, but Angela secretly smiled. She was thrilled that her mother was on Josh's back to do the 'right thing' by her, because she was too scared to do it herself. She loved that her mother was her champion, and whipping up her husband to do the same. What Angela didn't appreciate was that Josh was feeling emasculated and furious. He was angry about the temerity of his mother-in-law to tell him what to do, as if he knew nothing of his wife's needs. He was fuming that he wasn't given a chance to find his feet in his new role as a husband., But most of all he was livid that his wife enjoyed seening him as a puppet controlled by her mother.
Anger and hatred often go together when you don't get cared for in the way you want and expect. If your expectations and hopes are dashed over and over again, the anger and loathing get bigger and more ferocious. But you are probably too scared to let it out. You feel love and hate for the person at the same time. These two contrary feelings put you in a bind. You can't walk away, and you can't express your rage. You fear that if the one you are upset with will crumble. Then you won't have anyone to be be attached to, and being alone is more frightening. You imagine that the person you are mad at doesn't care about you - in fact they hate you and are just one step away from walking out on you! So you keep it all in, seething inside with no room for anything else. All that scary anger makes your body release stress hormones to cope with the intense anger that threatens your heart, blood pressure, digestive system and mental well-being.
gluttony from stress When you are overwhelmed and feel like you are sinking in quicksand, your body wants to flee from the threat. But your life style and schedule keep you trapped in a very a very stressful situation. You feel out of control You feel helpless You feel angry and resentful You are terrified of failing or having a breakdown You put even more effort into trying to be perfect and get everything done the way it should be so you can meet your own high standards and expectations You imagine others complimenting you and envying you BUT THE STRESS GETS TO YOU AND ALL YOU WANT IS FOOD. YOU WANT THE COMFORT AND THE NUMBNESS THAT EATING CAN BRING.
6 signs of abusive relationships If you are in an abusive relationship you probably don't know it. You don't recognize that your relationship is any different to others or to the one you grew up in. So here is a twelve item checklist to help you discover whether you are in an abusive relationship, so you don't have to suffer like the NFL'S Ray Rice's wife Jany, Ray McDonald's finance, Adrian Peterson's daughter, or Greg Hardy's domestic violence victims.
It's frustrating when your kids are constantly bickering and you have to be referee. choosing one side or the other often makes you feel bad,and guilty later on. You wish your kids could get on with one another and let you attend to all the other things on your plate. But they don't! They are not invested in harmony or collaboration. They want ownership and control over what they feel is 'right.' So they fight and argue. They battle till they draw blood. And that's when you lose it! One of your children gets hurt, is sobbing uncontrollably and you are now furious at having to take time out to care for the hurt child, chastise the other and somehow bring order to chaos. Your anger probably comes from being forced to intervene. Your expectations of peaceful play were shattered and now you have to take charge and undo the mess.
1. In his book 'The Mindful Brain', Daniel Siegel describes mindulfulness as being aware of your mind and it's processes, so that you are not operating on auto pilot. 2. Mindful awarness involves reflection of what you are thinking, doing and feeling so that you are conscious of the choices you are making, and can opt for different ones to better your moment to moment, day to day life. Benefit: when you feel irritated and angry you can sense it in your body, as you tune into your muscle tension, teeth clenching and sighing. You can then formulate words to describe your anger, and then share it in the moment. It is experienced as genuine and the interaction can be shaped to include your feelings, adapting the converstion accordingly. You don't store anger and it doesn't build up into stress that makes you sick.