Envisioning the perfect partner can make you blind to what you already have

“At the age of thirty I was getting desperate to find a suitable partner. In all my years of dating  I never found a relationship that worked. I wondered what I was doing wrong, even though I knew I was a good person with a lot to give. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me understand my need for guarantees and total commitment from boyfriends before I was willing to stop taking care of my mother and have my own marriage. Thirty something insurance agent.

Do you feel like you may have found your ideal partner and later realize that the person isn’t what you expected?

Have you gone out with several people you met from online dating sites that  you didn't feel were compatible with you?

Perhaps you think there just isn't any compatible partner out there for you!

Do you get involved too quickly and then cool off ?

Maybe you find yourself attracted to someone who turns out to be emotionally unavailable?

Psychotherapy can help you figure out what gets in the way of you finding, accepting and settling down with a suitable partner by:

1. Reflecting on your ideas of a what a partner should and shouldn’t be, and how those often unconscious criteria can sabotage your chances of partnering with the right person.

Benefit: you will be more aware of potential partners as people who have positive and negative qualities, rather than just seeing the good side and then being shattered when you later see the other aspects.

2. Dealing with fears you may have regarding getting attached to what appears to be a potentially great partner. For example a fear that you will repeat the mistakes of your parents.

Benefit: you can work on the obstacles inside you and make yourself available for the good partner rather than breaking things off due to unprocessed fear.

3. Deal with unfinished business in your relationships with family members that prevent you from making the break and taking on a romantic partnership. Guilt about taking time and care away from dependent family members, fear of betrayal and uncertainty can be major obstacles to finding and cultivating a relationship with a potential partners.

Benefit: you will be free to make the connection and build a strong foundation with an available partner who is as human and scared as you are. You will create a compatibility that will last and deepen.

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.