Relationship Advice Tips from Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
TEN THINGS TO AVOID ON YOUR FIRST DATE
Dating for the first time can make you nervous because you have high hopes but fear being disappointed.
You don’t know whether you will be good enough for your date, or whether your partner will meet your requirements.
All this pressure can wreck your date if you don’t get grounded
Your date will go fine is you are present in the here-and-now
The best way of being present and available for a date is to avoid the following ten things
1. Never put your date on trial with a predetermined criteria of hoops they have to pass through, because the date then becomes a job interview that prevents getting to know one another and connecting as humans.
2. Never talk all the time to avoid awkward silences. It just gives the impression that you are anxious and can’t cope with just ‘being’ with your date.
3. Never ask a whole series of questions one after the other without giving your date a chance to reciprocate so that you actually have a natural flow in the dialogue.
4. Never pass over an answer to your question without acknowledging the answer and showing that you have heard and taken it in because it makes the date feel like you are just going through the motions and are not really interested in them.
5. Never tell fibs just because you want to create a particular image. First dates are very important to get the right vibes about each other. Putting on an image deters each of you from tuning into your authentic experience and will put you in positions that feel uncomfortable. So if you say ‘yes’ to something even though you didn’t want to, the entire date will be soured.
6. Avoid trying to impress your date in ways that just aren’t you! That puts pressure on you to be something other than yourself and it will make the date tense and unpleasant.
7. Don’t pretend to like the person if you don’t just to be polite. It shows, and you actually hurt the date more by pretending, than being open and honest.
8. Don’t rush to the bedroom if you are highly attracted to your date. Let things take their course so that you don’t come across as impulsive.
9. Don’t judge your date by how much they spend on you on the first date. That shows that you are more concerned about what they have to offer in terms of material things rather than in them as a person.
10. Don’t do everything your friends, parents or anyone tells you. Go with your gut and feel solid, so that your desperation to please or attract doesn’t leak out.
FIND OUT MORE ABOUT DATING AND THERAPY FOR PROBLEMS WITH DATING
AUTHOR OF ‘Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t! Fear of Intimacy: ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationships.”
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
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How your dating rules make sure that you never find the partner you want
How to make sure your date turns into a positive healthy intimate relationship
Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond
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