Comments from Anxiety for no Reason

“Really insightful! Thank you!” from @DKMRFCBrlz

Comments from: The power differentials between couples – One person carries all the emotion while the other is stoic

“Thank you Dr. Raymond for this. I actually experience it as fluctuating between expressive and stoicism my partner. Whereas I lean more to being emotional and he’s quite stoic. Yet at times we switch roles. Especially when he feels like he’s losing me. Problem is the change never sets in because we are stuck in our roles. As in, we revert back into our comfort zones. I’m at a point that I’d rather break away from him but I’m so attached/addicted to his energy and his way of organizing life. I’m learning how to cope on my own without using him to balance myself out. It’s so very hard but I need to do this for the both of us.” Ama Ama

Comments from: The power differentials of silence in romantic relationships

“This is very true. Thanks immensely.”  Venetia Fiona Chamitha Samuel

Comments from: Not wanting to feel – Why? Where did that come from?

“This is spot on and why I ended an 8 year relationship. I used to get shutdown from finishing my first sentence in what should have been a constructive conversation. Even though I was trying to explain why I was taking the fastest financially possible way to achieve her goal by changing jobs and house etc. I used to end up counting how many times I was silenced after a few words. I used to count into the 20s before giving up. She told me I was dead to her. I used to stand there seeing her criticising me but it was like I was numb to her feelings. I know it wasnt me because we were in love and Ive been in love before. Eventually I just gave up and ended the relationship.” Inner Field

Comments from: See-Saw Power Differentials in Romantic Relationships

“You are fantastic. Thank you for this video. I was wrong many times but I gave her the MEA culpa too many times and now during the divorce I still cant stop blaming myself. She ended up cheating on me and blaming me for everything. I should have left years ago. But I was afraid of being alone. I just postponed my fate. I will get better, just now doesn’t seem like it is going to happen and no light at the end of the tunnel. but I will find a way out of it. Thank you.” Lucao

Comments from: How to Deal with a Critical Partner

“This is the first time I found useful marriage advice on YouTube I usually struggle with criticism from my husband, but it’s very hard for me not to take in what he says, because when I try to prove myself that I am making an effort, he says that it’s not true and I’m worthless. He curses me out right. When I cry, he calls me a baby, and when I don’t say anything he calls me garbage. When I put so much effort to please him and clean the entire house with every bit of energy I have, he won’t care & just ignores me, or he will find something that I did NOT do, and criticize me for that.” Art Heart

“This is 100% accurate!!!” Greg Baker

“I love this !!!thank you . Very encouraging” Juju Pell

“Oh my goodness I could have used that one last night. My husband got news from his son that he doesn’t seem to hear from that often that he has two kids from two different women and he took something silly and blew it up way out of proportion to the point where I wasn’t sure he liked a gosh darn thing about me”  Tina Hernandez

“I have lost all my confidence I don’t even know who I am, anymore it’s all about me making him happy, doing things for him. He is constantly looking at what I do what I wear, how I talk. Everything about me is not right.” Cleopatra Banda

“Omg. Yes. It was such a relief to hear that you recognize and understand this situation. I’ve actually told my wife this SEVERAL TIMES. I say, “I shouldn’t have to defend myself with you.” Now, I’m exhausted and I’m hopeless. It doesn’t register with her and I’m not even going to waste my breath.” Kevin Needham

“Superb ” paul sarodh

Comments from: How to Deal with Paranoia in Relationships

“Dr Raymond, thank you for your videos. I have a spouse who will sometimes accuse me and I remembered your advice on not denying their reality, and you are very correct that it causes a reciprocal fear in me when I am accused of an act of disloyalty— particularly as the thing I am accused of is not something that should be seen as disloyal because it’s not a wholly reasonable expectation. Nevertheless it’s not the case. Your advice helped me not escalate. However, as I couldn’t agree with her accusations/suspicions but didn’t want to argue or deny her reality (combined with my own fear triggered by knowing what is happening) — this caused me to hesitate in my responses and sound tentative in my simple denial and not offer a “defense”. Unfortunately this led to a sense that I was guilty because I wasn’t “firm” in my denial (particularly as I normally tend to be adamant but have been working on not being defensive as a healthier response)”Ian Tepoot

(the exact spelling has been left in to preserve the authenticity of the author)

Thank you so much for this amazing clarification, it feels good to know that im not the only one facing a paranoid paratner that is full of fear and unease. i’ve been with my BF for 6 months now , i didn’t know that he suffers from paranoid personality disorder until we moved together; in the beginning of the relationship he was so loving; sweat and caring but after we started spending all of the time together he started to constanly accuse me and attack me verbaly , he even makes me feel constantly down and punished for loving him. First i didn’t know what was i putting myslf into; we started comunicationg more about the reason of our conflicts until he admitted to me that he feel a lot of paranoia and distrust toward me even tho he really loves me and we want to get married soon ; we still fight so much over hes anger issues and overreactions and were still trying to find ways to make it work. i would love to read tips of other people who have the same experience . ” Samgan Bhr

“Dr. Jeanette, thank you for a clearer understanding of this disorder. My partner and I have been dealing with a lot from an accident he got into. After the accident he became very distant and keeps saying more bad things are going to happen if he stays with me. He thinks me and my family and friends are bad luck, what can I do to convince him that I am not that way?” Ameda Harris

“Thank you so much. I never know how to deal with my boyfriend’s paranoid attacks. He hurts me so much I just want to leave, and then he uses that against me as if he hadn’t caused it. Your explanation helped a lot.” Panther Sphinx

“Dr. Raymond, I can’t thank you enough for your video on paranoia. My wife, to whom I’ve been married for about 18 years, recently chose to divorce me. We had six kids together and it tore apart our family. I was absolutely devastated and unsure if I could survive it. It felt like everything that was important to me was being taken away. I now get my children 50% of the time and I am super grateful for that, but I really hurt when I can’t be with them. My marriage mirrored both what you and the commenters have shared. Throughout our marriage, she has regularly turned me into a “bad guy“, always needed to know what I am doing, turned quickly to anger and often to rage, and often struggled with gratitude and being able to appreciate kindnesses I have offered. I actually feel like she had emotional blinders on, like the ones horses wear that only allow them to see one direction – she couldn’t see the big picture or what was really happening around her. I have been extremely patient and loving throughout our marriage, so to be turned on like this felt like such an act of betrayal. The hurt was unbelievable and she won’t even talk to or communicate with me anymore – it all goes through her dad. When not affected by PPD she is a truly amazing person. She has a wonderful family, too, that I just love, but she’s told them so many untrue, awful things about me that none of them are interested in continuing a relationship with me, at least not at this point (I hold out hope for the future, though). Seeing that she sincerely believes his things, others believe what she says. So I feel like I’ve lost so many friendships, too. All of these things have come to show me how much our lives are truly affected by the actions of others and the importance of being able to forgive to free everyone up from the negativity, bitterness, anger, and vengeance that can ruin our lives. I actually feel empathy for her because she didn’t choose to be born have a brain that would cause her think rationally – she would clearly desire the opposite… I very, very, much appreciate your video because you actually gave us advice on what to do. I’ve known that she has PPD but not how to work with her. Understanding that she is afraid, sometimes terrified, really helps me understand where she’s coming from. Knowing to not challenge her logically, to validate her feelings of fear, and to help her feel safe – these are actual things I can take action on. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!! I have needed to know what to do. I have felt that my life was destroyed and have trying to make my way forward. I’ve been in terrible pain but gradually it is easing. My marriage is gone but this gives me hope that maybe we could have a decent coparenting relationship if I can help her to feel safe. Reading the experiences from other commenters out there strengthens in me the feeling that I am not alone, and I hope that in adding my experience, others may find the same comfort. Your willingness to share this with the world is truly changing lives and I feel indebted to you. Thank you so much.” Aaron Bitton

“Thank you so much for making this video. This is exactly what I have been experiencing with my husband and this information has helped me so much to understand him and understand what I have been feeling and the mistakes I have been making when he is expressing his paranoid angry charged thoughts. Thank you for the 5 tips. Knowing this information and tips helps me to know I can stay in our marriage, 20 years so far. After listening to this I went home and spoke with my husband for the 1st time in about 3 weeks and he looked so pleasantly surprised I was talking with him again. I wasn’t trying to punish him not talking, I was just trying to protect myself, heal from his hurtful accusations and figure out why he acts like this from time to time and how can I handle it better. So let me say again, thank you so much!” Kathy Smith

Comments from: How Daughters Can End Codependent Relationships With Their Mothers

“Man this is exactly my life situation. Including not living my own adult life bc I run back emotionally to my mom. She doesn’t let me breathe. But it’s my fault that I didn’t leave her behind a decade ago like I knew I should have. My mother puts herself in the middle of all my friendships and even between me and my in laws. And the financial set up is the same, now she has a noose around my neck by paying for my tuition (by forcing me back into school in the first place so I’m in that situation). But if I can put up with her for 2 years then I’ll have the degree and can be free. Also now I see why she hates my husband and is trying to get me to divorce him… so I’ll come back to her…Your explanation helped a lot.” Serena Q

“Thank you so much for this lovely video. It is completely me…I have now lost my partner because of my mother and she just does NOT see what she does. If i try and move out she cries and begs and calls me insensitive and then I cave :(” Bee W

“My Mother and I had a terrible relationship when I was a child. She was the “Mother Dearest” type when I was growing up. I felt like a servant and I need permission to say how I felt. Around 16 we began to be closer and have the love hate relationship. But I felt like she was always competing with me and comparing herself. I had no friends outside of her because she always seen an issue with them. I am now 28 years old divorced after 2 years of being married to a narc. I am back at home and I am an an extremely co-dependent relationship with my mother. She does things like show up at my part time job. I believe she sabotaged my car to keep me from being independent. She lives vicariously through me and makes it very difficult to live my own life. Yet I am always made to feel selfish. She sabotages and manipulates me with financials by increasing my rent or not paying her bills like the water bill or the gas bill and then tell me its about to be shut off and I have to give all my money to cover my bills. I feel guilty all the time I am trying to get out. I just want to be myself.” Seraphina Santiago B

“I’m dealing with this right now, and being in a pandemic has made it even harder to get out. The veil is being lifted and I see that she’s completely capable of healing and caring for herself, she’s just jealous and wants me under her thumb for as long as she can hold me down. I’m praying and planning for a way to gtfoh and start my own life because I’m 26 now. It hurts to realize how manipulative she has been for so long. She’s the kind of mother who will probably threaten to write me out of her will for leaving, but who cares. I need to be able to breathe.” Episensitive    (typos have been left in as is)

“I should’ve realized my mom was like this a long time ago. Im a 19 college sophomore and my mother has always made excuses not to let me drive. After I got my license as a teen and drove on the road with her and I was completely fine until she went ballistic and started screaming at me and grabbing the wheel. Then I lost my confidence. Now Im back at square one learning how to get comfortable driving on the road again. She always talks about us living together (NOT ME LIVING ON MY OWN). She also said how she will live in the same state as me! How does she not see a problem with this! She wants to buy everything! Wow! I have to overcome my fears, become more independent and move out in the next few years.” Conscious Queen

“Me and my mother to a tea. Sucks to see all my other siblings get to be free and live their own happy lives. I have always been my mothers emotional care taker since I was about 2 years old. She gets angry when I talk I talk about getting my own place or making a life for myself even when I say I want to go to college. She treats it like I’ll never make it. 🙁 she doesn’t actually want me to have my own life. It’s very selfish and makes me angry when I think about it.” SFab

Comments from: Why Can’t I Control My Anger?

“Yes! Sandra and I definitely have mirror experiences. Mostly, my anger shows up when interacting with my kids, particularly with my middle daughter. And I feel so guilty and shameful for how she’s experiencing her childhood, because of the aggression I’ve brought to our relationship.” Allison Lewis-Fleming

“sounds like you just explained my life with my stepdad as a child” Zwint gaming

Comments from: Mourning the Loss of a Parent you Didn’t Get on With

“Dr. Raymond, I’m very grateful I have found your video on this. Everything you mentioned in this video was 100% spot on for me; I wanted to know if I were wrong. The short video has validated my situation. Thank you for this and Stay Well.” Jordan Garza

“Thank you for this. I’m currently going through this after losing my father and I’m having a hard time making sense of my emotions. Your video was very helpful.” mondongazo

“I watched this with curiosity after trying heal so many years later, I wish I knew about this very long time ago. I just want to say you are truly a blessing for helping people for feeling lost or co” Carlos Pack

“Wow, I’ve experienced all of those stages. I feel that I have mourned the loss of the ideal father figure that my biological father never fulfilled. One challenge that I’m experiencing is anger that my sister had a father figure and I did not.” TheNinito25

“thankyou this was perfect it really validated some feelings I’m having that I thought were strange.” Lee Macfarlane

“Thank you – I found this presentation very helpful: in particular the way it informed me of the separate parts played by the body and the role. (sic. soul!) My father died several years ago but some parts of the loss still need processing and this helps 🙂 JohnS-Mylifesmagi

“My father died yesterday and my emotions are very mixed. I haven’t seen him in like 4 years. He rejected me since a child, he pushed me away in so many ways that I stopped trying to get closed. I gave him all I could as a daughter, all the love he never wanted from me, it was free! Most people wanted bom for nos money, all I wanted was his love. But how can you love somebody when he has no love for himself. I forgave him and released him so that he can go in peace. What’s done is done.” Mimi Simone

“Everything you have just described is EXACTLY what I’ve been going through since my father (who I was estranged from) passed away in 2021 and nearly 1.5 years later I am still stuck in this rage/devastation cycle. Only from watching your video do I understand why I’ve been stuck. This explains exactly why I’ve been going through everything else that I’ve been going through since he passed away. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.” Ams

Comments on Mothers Impact on Sons

“Respect! You’re Awesome!” Frank Gibbons

“Awesome! I only wished I had heard your thoughts 21 years ago when my son was an infant. Fortunately, he has turned into a wonderful human and I have done well with him in all but one area, and that was cleaning up after himself. But I was a single Mom with only him and I wanted to take care of the cleaning. Early in his HS years he said he wanted to be a first responder to help people, I was hoping for Lawyer or the like but his idea was Paramedic, Fire, Police … Thankfully he has not chosen Police (had an ex husband – not his father who was a Sgt bad bad news for a wife) rather he recently got his EMT certificate and is on his way to Paramedic. Yahooooo, he is following his ‘dream’ and with every advancement of ‘certifications’ he is maturing within himself. He’s now living with his slob father while continuing with college but he sees other people’s homes when going on calls and often comments on my home being so clean. I think it’s because it’s not so cluttered. One last thing to his (& my ?) testament of being raised well is that his girlfriend was in the hospital for 2 + weeks and stayed with her while she had surgery to remove her entire stomach (an inherited defect.) During covid and since she was only 18, she was allowed in the children’s wing of the hospital so he was able to sleep in her room, as were her parents. Her parents brought their camp trailer to the hospital area so they all could sleep their rather than the expense of a hotel room. I suppose I’m using you as a ‘Dear Diary’ the most remarkable thing has occurred, my once selfish bratty little son has become a respectable and respectful young man. He stops by unannounced at least once a week and we simply talk, sometimes lunch or I help him or he helps me with various things, I often beam for a day or two after he leaves. WOW, what a wonderful feeling that I have helped create this awesome person. I’m now 58 yrs old, but wish I could do it all over again even if I couldn’t change a thing, the experience and memories of the experiences are heartwarming every single day. ps my own mother is truly, a Covert Narcissist. Imagine how I dealt with keeping him away from her, but it worked and he is now wise enough to know my back story and I think appreciates me for appropriately protecting him. Thank you so much for allowing me write & write & write, it has been very cathartic.” Katherine Wold

Comments on How to Deal with a Partner Who Doesn’t Trust you

“Thank you so much I needed this Because all I’m trying to do is love this woman I promise .Kimani Johnson

“Thank you, very helpful. This is what is happening to me right now.” Osha Van Atta

Comments on Triangular Relationships: One man and two women

“I am so broken. Hearing this is making me cry. It’s exactly what’s going on with me . Am I fixable !? I’m almost 50 and in this cycle for 3 + years.”

Lexy Lex

“I actually enjoy learning the psychological reasons for these decisions. However, I’d like to watch someone interview you because there are so many new dynamics and reasons for things these days. Many more questions to ask. Very powerful video. I can see the connections even within my own life. This video helped me a ton. We’re all grown children trained to hide our youth.” NS

Comments From: Getting back in the dating scene

“Love this advice!”  Lm C

Comments From: Causes of Sudden Depression

“How did you help reveal the true issue? This is exactly what’s happening. I want to be a comic author for a story I have in my heart. I have many stories. I have studied story theory and art. The latter was later. Art is hard. And writing is amazing but I feel if I don’t do art my stories will bring less interest. Truth is studying this stuff quickly decreases stamina and art is damn hard to conquer. I’m losing my mind. Worst of all I’m losing my patience. I too struggle to get out of bed. I showered today but it didn’t do much for me. I don’t enjoy anything anymore and fear I never will. If I can’t do this I feel there’s no point in living. I can tell I’m gonna relapse with bulimia. Because I feel life is so fucking bland and pointless. I want to be a prolific writer. I want people to know my characters. But if this never comes to fruition what have I been fighting suicidal thoughts for? I’m also trying to get money but I can’t. Life is harder than I thought. I’m 24 and I think my brain woke up.” Egg

Comments From: How to take a break from your loved one without feeling disloyal

“Omg!! Thank you so much for this great advice!! I actually wanted to take my own vacation to my own detox spa but then my mom always told me not to go anywhere without my husband. She said that he would leave you if I go to this trip on my own. But I felt like her advice stopped me to take care of my own self, and it came from very traditional thinking. What do you think? I always became more positive, beautiful, energetic person when I went to this spa when I was single. I always slept like a baby there and I really needed this rest. How would you suggest?” Rachel Kim

Comments from: What to do if Your Child Steals

“Very helpful content. Thank you for sharing.” Pharm Clare

Comments From Should You Stay or Leave Your Partner?

“Thank you so much for this   I feel more hopeful and that means so much to me.” Corie Arriaga

Comments on How to Get Over Rejection

“I love your teachings! Therapists always say pick a nice stable person but if we are not attracted to them it is physically impossible to be in relationship with them. I am literally repulsed by nice stable guys, they make me want to run to the toilet and throw up, and I am not exaggerating!” Tiny Face Mcgee

“I love your capacity to love  (sic) videos! It’s like you are talking to me! I seem to have a 5 1/2 year limit to my relationships. I am 49 and divorced and been seeing my current boyfriend for 4 1/2 yrs and he has started complaining about me and I know the end is coming…I think I have “love avoidance”…what do you think about love avoidance and an inability to be vulnerable (I have a histrionic/narcissist/sadistic mother and a cold neglecting misogynistic father). Tiny Face Mcgee

Comments From Parent, Step parent, and Step Child Triangular Relationships

“This was so eye opening for me. As a new step parent of teens (2 boys 1 girl) and a bio mom to 2 adult sons it has been hard. I thought it wouldn’t be hard since I’d already raised mine but it’s hard and this is so on point and is helping me. Thank you.” Christie Dukes

“Thank you so much for making this video. This is exactly what I have been experiencing with my husband and this information has helped me so much to understand him and understand what I have been feeling and the mistakes I have been making when he is expressing his paranoid angry charged thoughts. Thank you for the 5 tips. Knowing this information and tips helps me to know I can stay in our marriage, 20 years so far. After listening to this I went home and spoke with my husband for the 1st time in about 3 weeks and he looked so pleasantly surprised I was talking with him again. I wasn’t trying to punish him not talking, I was just trying to protect myself, heal from his hurtful accusations and figure out why he acts like this from time to time and how can I handle it better. So let me say again, thank you so much!” Kathy Smith

“You just described my 5 year relationship don’t even communicate like normal couples nothing romantic even eyes contact in fights saying he leaving putting me down by look and circumstances etc. but never leave this relationship even he can sexual life like robotic how can you bring back the energy passion trust etc. between us if we both stubborn in way to try something first or even want to try something.” Devil Chanel

“The little girl story is me. Spot on.” MP

“That little girl sounds like me infact he was controlling.” SO12

“You are literally the only person I can find explaining triangulation in this way. This is my life. Husband and stepson against me (stepmom). If you can offer me anymore insight or other sites where I can read about this I would appreciate it. Thank you.” angelala

How to Avoid Feeling Used in Relationships

“Brilliantly helpful”   Ravi Ramiah