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It’s devastating to think that you need to be fixed because there is something wrong with you. Feelings of shame may stop you from realizing that you have many personal resources that are as yet untapped.

Therapy helps you become aware of them and use them together for your best advantage. Here’s what one client said to me:

“I didn’t want to go to therapy. I wanted to be able to manage my problems by myself. I wouldn’t even let my girlfriend help me when I couldn’t sleep with stomach cramps. I didn’t want to seem weak and needy. But things got a lot worse and I was scared that my girlfriend would leave. I forced myself to go to therapy. I had already tried traditional and alternative medicine without success. I was mad at Dr. Raymond for making me feel my emotions. I wished she could just take them away or tell me how to do that. I couldn’t believe that my cramps could disappear just by talking and facing my feelings in therapy. It was really hard to look at myself in the mirror. I realized how much anger I was holding in about my family. Now I understand my emotions better, I feel stronger. I am also less afraid that other people like my girlfriend will judge me badly.”

– Twenty-seven year old health care graduate student.

So you don’t want to appear weak. You hate feeling needy and vulnerable. It is an unpleasant experience. The fact that you are feeling anxious, angry, upset, vicious, scared and unsafe suggests going it alone isn’t the solution. Playing it safe can avoid let downs and repeated disappointments. But all you do is mark time using the same old ineffective ways to protect yourself.

Hiding inside yourself is being a wimp. Taking a risk and trusting me as your therapist means you are strong enough to face your issues and build effective ways to manage those awful emotions that make you feel scared and helpless. Here is what one client realized after working with me:

“Thank you for helping me label my emotions. Knowing what they are about makes me feel lighter and more in control of my life. I feel stronger.”

– Twenty something female furious with life for not going the way she wanted.

You are absolutely right. It isn’t your fault. Playing the blame game doesn’t help. If you are stressed, conflicted, heartbroken and worn out from trying to make things work, then you can’t see the negative spirals of emotional upset that lead to the conflicts.

Therapy allows you to clarify your needs without the blame, flame and shame experiences that block your communications. Here is what one client gained from working with me:

“Thank you for helping me stick up for myself. I don’t see it as being selfish anymore. I told my girlfriend what I needed and wasn’t scared that she would leave. She heard me and is willing to try to work things out.”

– A thirty something male fiancé.

Parenting is the most difficult job ever. You can attend classes, read books and try to be the best parent possible. You learned the “how to” in the books and classes, but you didn’t learn about the powerful impact of your own personal experiences and emotions. Guilt at being selfish, angry, overindulgent or strict get in the way.

Envy that your kids have more than you, yet still complain make it impossible to be consistent. Sometimes you try so hard not to be like your parents that you blur the boundaries between you and your children.

Therapy helps you deal with the anxiety and fear of not being the perfect parent, especially when you didn’t have one of your own. Then you can implement appropriate and healthy parenting. Here is a client’s experience:

” I used to feel so guilty when there was any friction with my daughter. I blamed myself for everything and that made it worse. Thank you for helping me to feel less guilty about the things I do and the things I don’t do.”

– Single mother of teenage daughter.

Isn’t it awful to think that stuff going on in your body isn’t entirely physical? It makes you feel like you made yourself sick. That’s so embarrassing!

Think about what happens in your body when you are scared – the pulse races, your palms sweat and your mouth goes dry – all physical.

Emotions are physical while feelings are psychologicall. Digesting your emotions in therapy means they don’t have to leak out all over the place and embarrass you. Here are comments from a client who worked with me on her physical complaints:

“After our session the other day, I was able to sit through dinner with my family. I wasn’t anticipating the worst. I actually enjoyed their company for the first time in years. The rash I had all week went away.”

– Female in the entertainment business

. If you have PPO insurance, you can use it to get reimbursed from your insurer. You will pay the full fee and get a statement at the end of each month. You can use that statement to claim reimbursement in line with the policy you have.

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