Letting down your guard and sharing feelings creates emotional intimacy and trust
"I was always hard for me to get close to anyone. I used to hide my true self and deny my feelings and needs to myself and others. I was lonely and unhappy. I didn’t want other people poking their nose into my business and I didn’t want to be burdened with their stuff. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me realize that I had put a thick frame around myself through which nothing could penetrate. I learned how to make the frame strong enough to protect me from being hurt, but pliable enough to let me reach out for connections. It was amazing that the people I cared for wanted to get close because they enjoyed me, not because they wanted to use me. Now I can move in and out of my frame as it suits me. I can be emotionally intimate and let others be so with me. I have many warm and solid connections and better relationships with family and friends.” Personal organizer.
Do you want to feel close to and part of a loved one yet fear it at the same time?
Do you want your partner and other loved ones to know and understand and accept you while still feeling the need to protect yourself from being exposed?
Does the idea of someone knowing you inside out fill you with fear of being an open book, with nothing personal and private to call your own?
If you are more comfortable communicating by phone, texting or email than face to face, it is likely that emotional intimacy may be something you want to control.
Perhaps you find it easier to tolerate face to face contact when everyone is engaged in specific activities where you can still have your private inner space.
Controlling emotional intimacy by restricting or managing face to face contact keeps you safe.
But you may be paying a high price.
You can end up feeling alone and insignificant even when you are with loved ones.
Psychotherapy can help you achieve the right amount of emotional intimacy in your relationships by:
1. Helping you develop an inner sense of personal safety so that you can share yourself without feeling invaded or intruded upon.
Benefit: you share thoughts, feelings, and wishes without shame or concern about being judged or manipulated.
2. Showing you how to create and use personal boundaries that are flexible and porous.
Benefit: you allow friends and loved ones to reach out and touch you with love, while avoiding the possibility of them taking advantage of you.
3. Teaching you how, what and when to share according to the relationship at hand.
Benefit: you feel connected while expanding your comfort zone, so that emotionally intimacy becomes the spice of life – not intrusive monsters or burdens of duty.
4. Giving you a chance to practice achieving a ‘skin’ through which you can filter your own and others reactions and experiences.
Benefit: you connect with friends and loved ones on the basis of similarities in experience, wishes and needs. You feel an important part of their lives while being separate and safe.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Call 310. 985. 2491 to set up your appointment
Develop the skills of emotional intimacy and feel valued and loved while still being your own person
photograph of cymbidium copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.