Disgust sabotages relationships by making you and others feel bad.
Are you disgusted by some of your less attractive thoughts, feelings, and actions?
Do you recoil in disgust by the part of you that wants to be spoiled, pitied or let off the hook?
Do you use disgust as a way of pulling yourself together and acting like a grown up?
If so, you probably act as judge and jury at your own trial that never ends no matter how many times you wield the executioners axe.
You get more and more frustrated that you can’t control certain needs, upset that the needs won’t go away, and turn away in self-disgust.
Judging yourself means you judge others in the same way. For instance if you aren’t allowed to complain then you will not tolerate others complaining.
If you shut down your need to feel hurt when you are rejected by using self-disgust, then you are going to shut down everyone elses need to feel hurt when they feel let down.
The critic in you says that no one is allowed to have their feelings or be who they are in the moment. That means that you deprive yourself and your friends and loved ones from relating authentically.
Psychotherapy can help you come to terms with your needs in mature and acceptable ways, by:
1. Showing you how to become a wiser, fairer and more compassionate judge of yourself and others during relationship interactions.
Benefit: you will be able to satisfy your human need to love and be loved in a steady way, rather than use disgust to control yourself when the needs become overpowering.
2. Helping you address the origins of your disgust, such as criticism at an early age from a loved one that made you believe your needs were something ‘foul.’
Benefit: you experience the success of getting to know and manage your needs in ways that are suited to your current stage of life.
3. Teaching you how to be with others when they are saying or doing things that seem disgusting to you.
Benefit: you develop an ability to step into the world of your loved ones which will bring you closer together. You will let loved ones step into your world so that mutual understanding, tolerance and support becomes the foundation of your relationship.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
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Learn to like all yourself so you can like others and enjoy relationships
I used to be disgusted with myself when I felt like crying, needed a hug or whined about not getting my way. I hated being ‘soft.’ I was totally put off when my mother would complain and act helpless, and if I found myself doing it, disgust would make me want to throw up. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me understand that my feelings were never okay with my family when I was young and that I learned to be disgusted with them just to be in the family circle. Now I am more comfortable with myself and realize that other people have the same feelings too. It is such a freeing experience that I connect better with friends and loved ones.” Thirty- seven year old director.