Unexpressed anger and disappointment drives deep wedges in your significant relationships
Do you get disappointed and angry when things don’t turn out as you wanted?
Is anger your ‘go to’ place when your loved ones disappoint you over and over again?
It’s natural to be disappointed and angry when your deepest wishes, hopes and expectations about being wanted and cared for are rarely fulfilled.
Continued disappointments pile up the anger until you are ready to burst. That’s when you are most at risk of losing control and embarrassing yourself.
If you spit out the anger in tiny bits with snide remarks towards the ones that let you down, you are setting yourself up for relationships filled with hostility and retaliation.
Your need for love, care and respect remains unmet, making you even more angry and punishing in your interactions.
Psychotherapy can help you acknowledge, manage and communicate your anger and disappointment in appropriate ways by:
1. Helping you figure out the nature and cause of the disappointments that makes you angry.
Benefit: you address the source of your let downs and get a chance to create opportunities for yourself that will meet your needs, rather than leave it up to loved ones who have failed you.
2. Helping you express your anger and disappointment in the moment so that your friends and loved ones get immediate feedback about your feelings and adjust accordingly.
Benefit: you prevent anger from turning into hate. Your release gives you motivation to patch up the relationship, bringing you together to have an honest dialogue without fear of attack or condemnation.
3. Guiding you to use the energy that goes into anger and disappointment towards constructive relationship skills and goals.
Benefit: you will avoid getting depressed and checking out of your life. You can try new interaction skills that provide what you need instead of letting unprocessed anger rob you of fulfilling relationships.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Call 310.985. 2491 to set up your appointment
Relationship advice for anger management
so you can avoid constant disappointments
“ As far back as I can remember I was disappointed with my family. I was angry and disappointed that my parents fought and didn’t consider my feelings. I had the same experience with my wife, feeling unseen and unimportant to her. I seethed quietly and said hurtful things to get her to pay attention to me, but that just ended in fights. Other times I would blow up in protest that I was being ignored and feel like a bad example of my dad. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me to understand that I was waiting for my wife to do her job. I came to realize that I wanted her to read my mind as proof that she truly cared. Now I don’t need to drink, smoke or get busy to deal with the anger and disappointment. It was hard to open up and ask for what I needed. Now it is easier and I don’t feel like a mean bear having to force my wife to love me. Dr. Raymond helped me feel okay about being open. When I got what I needed from my wife, I was happy to reciprocate, making our relationship more like I had always dreamed of.” Thirty-three year old technical support engineer.