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Latest Articles

  • * How to use lies in relationships as catalysts to improve communication
  • * How to relieve stress in a marriage by sharing jobs
  • * How to manage conflict in a relationship so you don't feel prejudged
  • * Managing co-dependency in a marriage - the second five steps in learning to support rather than rescue
  • * Managing family co-dependency - the first five steps in learning to support rather than rescue
  • * Is co-dependency the currency of your family relationships?
  • * How do you build trust in a relationship when you are repeatedly let down?
  • * How to get your boyfriend back after throwing him out
  • * Sibling rivalries in adulthood may be due to invisible childhood trauma
  • * How to repair family relationships that get broken with repeated hurts
  • * The main barrier to communication in marriage is fear of listening empathically
  • * Self-compassion makes you the partner you want to be toward your loved one
  • * Where to find a boyfriend when the current one is no good?
  • * Are you ready for couples therapy?
  • * Is family conflict making a friend out of one loved one and an enemy of another?
  • * Breaking up doesn't have to be so hard to do!
  • * Complimenting your partner can cause relationship problems!
  • * Develop Good communication skills and solve marriage problems
  • * Self-help for couples that actually works!
  • * Expressing hurt saves relationships while anger causes relationship breakups
  • * Should you leave your partner or stay hoping they will love you one day!
  • * Save your marriage by letting in your partner's support
  • * Solving the hurt of family problems
  • * What makes you push your partner away and chose depression and loneliness?
  • * Dealing with a partner who cannot trust you and insists you are a cheater
  • * Conflict recovery style determines whether couples stay together
  • * Conflicting secret wishes and motives threaten your marriage big time!
  • * How to deal with a partner who lies and cheats
  • * Do you feel abandoned when your partner is with family and friends?
  • * Dealing with a loved one who refuses to talk when you want to
  • * Why women take longer than men to cheer up after getting in a fight or bad mood.
  • * A proven way to stop the stress of conflict and reconnect with your loved one
  • * Why your ideal of a perfect marriage causes your finance to break off the engagement
  • * How to avoid feeling attacked when your partner is venting!
  • * How to join in the conversation without fearing being shut down
  • * How to prove that you are not the same as your partner's exes!
  • * The two most serious signs of an unhealthy relationship
  • * Why 9 out of 10 apologies fail to improve relationships
  • * Four ways to deal with a hostile and aggressive partner
  • * End those dreaded fights and enjoy peaceful relationships
  • * How to manage the guilt of saying 'no' to your partner!
  • * How to deal with verbal attacks from your loved ones.
  • * How to deal with a loved one who texts others while in your company!
  • * How to make that decision you have been putting off!
  • * Who controls your energy levels, you or your loved one?
  • * How to stop a conversation turning into a fight!
  • * How being unselfish is really selfish!
  • * How to handle the loss of hope that you will be loved the way you want
  • * How to make your partner want to be physically intimate with you!
  • * Should you apologize after an explosion of anger?
  • * How to make up after a fight without giving up!
  • * How to enjoy a relationship and protect yourself at the same time!
  • * How to stop explosive bursts of anger
  • * Four ways to manage the excitement and dread of family reunions
  • * Passover troubles and resurrect good times during the holidays
  • * How to survive a betrayal by a loved one
  • * How gender differences in handling stress affects intimacy
  • * Three ways to share your stuff without fear of upsetting loved ones.
  • * Why your partner falls short of your ideal partner characteristics!
  • * Three ways to manage the anxiety about pleasing your loved ones
  • * Four ways to make sure your partner values your help
  • * How to make peace without eating humble pie!
  • * How to do your thing without risking rejection from loved ones
  • * How to deal when you want commitment but your partner is hesitant!
  • * How to deal with a partner who is down when you are up!
  • * Why your Sex Life Goes from Fantastic to Boring in the blink of an eye!
  • * Positive affirmations can damage your relationships!
  • * Why your sex life is non-existant part 2- and how to get it going again.
  • * Dealing with someone who won't own hurting you!
  • * How to deal with people who want your advice but don't take it!
  • * Why men shut down and women ramp up in conflicts!
  • * Why does your loved one believe a stranger and not you?
  • * How to rescue your marriage from roommate status!
  • * How to manage the frustrating urge to prove you are right!
  • * Understanding Your Panic Attacks- Part 2 - Getting Past Shame
  • * Why you don't feel understood when your loved ones say "I understand."
  • * Understanding Your Panic Attacks - part 1- Facing your dilemmas
  • * Three Ways To Stop Being Invisible To Your Partner
  • * How to trust loved ones so you don’t have to do everything yourself!
  • * How to share what's going on with you so it gets through to your loved ones!
  • * Why protecting your partner may be the worst move you ever make!
  • * How to stop others from making your stuff all about them!
  • * How to turn a volatile conflictual marriage into a happy validating union.
  • * How to bargain successfully with your loved ones!
  • * How bitterness and self-blame makes you sick and depressed
  • * How to prevent bitterness and blame from making you sick!
  • * How to deal with being blamed for everything!
  • * What makes an exciting relationship turn into a heavy burden?
  • * How to manage the pain of jealousy
  • * How to get your partner to talk when you want!
  • * What makes your partner break promises?
  • * How to stop feeling used in relationships
  • * Are you motivated by the stick or the carrot?- part 2
  • * Are you motivated by the stick or the carrot?
  • * How to be independent and still be loved!
  • * Are you dying for affection but cringe when it comes?
  • * How to deal with the "damned if I do, and damned if I don't situation!
  • * How a bladder infection can save intimacy in your marriage!
  • * What’s the right combination of commitment for harmonious relationships?
  • * How to manage two parts of you that want different things!
  • * *(How to get through to loved ones without repeating yourself!)*
  • * How to regain control and self-respect when you feel betrayed
  • * *(How to manage when your partner loses interest in you!)*
  • * How to manage rejection sensitivity and be more open to love!
  • * What makes you happy - people or accomplishments?
  • * *(How to turn nagging into loving connections)*
  • * Is fear of being impactful depriving you of intimacy?
  • * How to deal with the “ if you really loved me you would……..” syndrome!
  • * *(How to get your partner to love you the way you want!)*
  • * What type of self-sacrifice benefits intimate relationships?
  • * *(How to tell if loved ones mean what they say!)*
  • * *(How to get your own way, avoid guilt and still feel lovable!)*
  • * How to get more by working less at relationships
  • * *(How to deal with the regret of the "I wish I had said...." feeling.)*
  • * *(How to deal with negative reactions you didn't intend to cause!)*
  • * Four LOVE steps for singles to turn dates into long term relationships
  • * *(How to deal with complaining loved ones)*
  • * *(How To communicate that you really care)*
  • * The second secret to being empathic and boosting your relationship
  • * *(How to Speak Your Mind Without Feeling Monstrous!)*
  • * Four Ways to Share Feelings and be Empathic -part1
  • * *(How to Avoid Conflict With A Dose of Curiosity)*
  • * Four ways to reconnect when your partner snubs you
  • * How to avoid the same mistakes after a break up
  • * Five ways to breach a misunderstanding with your partner
  • * Do you fit the four point profile of a cheater?
  • * Is relationship stress making your skin dry out?
  • * How to deal with controlling people in your relationships
  • * Ten Ways to Manage Holiday Family Stress
  • * How to Stop Anger From Ruining Good Times
  • * How to Make up After a Fight and Find Intimacy

    • relationship advice psychotherapy

    Playing the blame game just shifts the 'bad guy' label from one to the other


    Are you tired of being blamed for much of what goes wrong in your relationships?

    Are you frustrated with being used as an easy target, a perfect fall guy?

    Perhaps you retaliate by pointing the finger when ever the opportunity presents itself.

    Playing the blame game gives a false sense of equality and fairness.     The vindication is so short lived that you and your loved ones end up dreading contact and putting up walls or fighting to rid yourself of the undeserved blame.

    If blame games are part of a familiar pattern in your relationships you are being deprived of the security, stability and fulfillment that good healthy relationships can and should offer.

    Psychotherapy can help you turn blame games into constructive dialogue by

    1. Helping you identify the fears that make you absorb the blame.

    Benefit: you will be more aware of your automatic reactions to accusations and blame that may work against you. Then you get a chance to find more effective ways of responding without having to engage in the blame game.

    2. Helping you discover, name and use the feelings that get stirred up to your advantage.

    Benefit: you respond from a genuine rather than a vindictive place, ensuring that the impact on you is evident to those who use you as a whipping post. Empathy develops and blaming stops.

    3. Helping you feel safe and strong enough so that you can consider sharing of responsibilities rather than play the blame game.

    Benefit: you learn how to relate by owning your part in the problem and not take on the entire responsibility for problems.  That eases the burden on you and makes room for others to own their part in the issues. Blame is no longer necessary.

    4. Promoting your ability to focus on positive aspects of your relationship so that you feel good and don’t need to deflect blame or use blame as a way of getting power.

    Benefit: looking for the good moments and letting them sink in alters your nerve pathways, calms you and makes you more open to dialogues of sharing rather than blaming.

    Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
     

    Call  310. 985.2491 to set up your appointment

    and start sharing rather than blaming.

     

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