Playing the blame game just shifts the 'bad guy' label from one to the other
Are you tired of being blamed for much of what goes wrong in your relationships?
Are you frustrated with being used as an easy target, a perfect fall guy?
Perhaps you retaliate by pointing the finger when ever the opportunity presents itself.
Playing the blame game gives a false sense of equality and fairness. The vindication is so short lived that you and your loved ones end up dreading contact and putting up walls or fighting to rid yourself of the undeserved blame.
If blame games are part of a familiar pattern in your relationships you are being deprived of the security, stability and fulfillment that good healthy relationships can and should offer.
Psychotherapy can help you turn blame games into constructive dialogue by
1. Helping you identify the fears that make you absorb the blame.
Benefit: you will be more aware of your automatic reactions to accusations and blame that may work against you. Then you get a chance to find more effective ways of responding without having to engage in the blame game.
2. Helping you discover, name and use the feelings that get stirred up to your advantage.
Benefit: you respond from a genuine rather than a vindictive place, ensuring that the impact on you is evident to those who use you as a whipping post. Empathy develops and blaming stops.
3. Helping you feel safe and strong enough so that you can consider sharing of responsibilities rather than play the blame game.
Benefit: you learn how to relate by owning your part in the problem and not take on the entire responsibility for problems. That eases the burden on you and makes room for others to own their part in the issues. Blame is no longer necessary.
4. Promoting your ability to focus on positive aspects of your relationship so that you feel good and don’t need to deflect blame or use blame as a way of getting power.
Benefit: looking for the good moments and letting them sink in alters your nerve pathways, calms you and makes you more open to dialogues of sharing rather than blaming.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Call 310. 985.2491 to set up your appointment
and start sharing rather than blaming.