One divorce and many failed relationships later, as I was nearing forty led me to finally get help from Dr..Raymond. I was convinced that I was doomed to be alone and rejected, always being the one envying my friends and acquaintances as they got married and had families that seemed happy.
While I was in therapy I met a guy who I liked and I hoped that we would be walking down the altar soon, buying a house in a good neighborhood and having the perfect family and social status that I yearned for. Each time he didn’t come up with the exact words I wanted to hear or the exact behavior I wanted I ditched him in my mind. But working with Dr. Raymond helped me stay in there and now it has become precious. It is warm, close, affectionate and intimate in ways I never knew existed. Dr. Raymond showed me how I was judging the guy with criteria that were out of some fairy tale, making him inhuman. She helped me understand that I was not seeing him but wanting him to be a copy of my fantasy man who would just do everything I wanted to prove his love.
Many times I walked out, went away and didn’t talk to him during the stormy periods when he wasn’t performing to my expectations. But through the consistent therapy Dr. Raymond supported me and opened my eyes to what I really had with my guy. Now I see him and listen to him as he really is. I feel loved and I’m not scared to show my love. I don’t wait for him to prove himself. I participate and feel the solidity of our connection. I no longer care just about the ring or the wedding, but enjoy and savor all the intimate and loving moments we share on a day to day basis. If we do get married it will be a bonus. But now I know a wedding isn’t the end goal, just another step along the path of a relationship that continues to deepen and fill me up.
Dr. Raymond helped me to be able to have the relationship I always wanted but didn’t believe I could have.
Thirty-nine year old free-lance designer.
photographs copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond changed me from a shriveled up person to one in the full bloom of relationship connections!
For as long as I can remember I felt like a steel cylinder- cold, strong metal keeping me safe from unpredictable relationships. I never felt full, warm or connected. It wasn’t until I started working with Dr. Raymond that I realized I had also felt shriveled up. It was as if I was a piece of dried fruit, dried milk or dried egg preserved and kept on hold until I was hungry enough for relationships and bring it back to life. Dr. Raymond gently reconstituted my dried up state with care, concern, patience, understanding and love. I found myself getting a taste for connection, my desire to engage was awakened and I took in the love and regard that my friends and others had always made available, but I hadn’t been able to recognize or use. Dr. Raymond helped me to feel entitled and worthwhile enough to become alive again. Now I feel full of ‘myself’ again and enjoy relating. Thirty-nine year old single female.
Psychotherapy transformed me from being constantly overwhelmed to a strong and vibrant person.
Whenever things went wrong I would get overwhelmed and feel as if I was going to crumble. I felt alone and burdened beyond what I could bear. I would just freak out, give up, get angry and scramble around trying to keep my head above water. After working with Dr. Raymond I felt anchored. I no longer felt that the world or people were doing things to me and against me. I no longer had a cross to bear. I could feel sad but not devastated and panic. I could feel concerned but not frantic. Dr. Raymond’s care and acceptance of me kept me grounded and gave me confidence that I was able to manage. It was as if I had her with me wherever I went, taking the sting out of bad experiences while helping me access my ability to put things in perspective, feel things rather than freak out or numb out and act in my best interests. I knew I could count on Dr. Raymond and that was how I learned to count on myself. Forty-three year old divorcee, parent, sister and personal organizer.
I felt choked with obligations to others with no time for me
I used to have a lot of problems with scheduling my life and relationships. If I got invitations to family or friend’s celebrations I felt pressured to attend everything for the entire time and hated it. It felt like I had to leave my personal thoughts and wishes on hold until I had taken care of my obligations which included doing projects on deadline for work. I felt like I belonged to others and until I had met their demands I couldn’t attend to my needs. I was permanently resentful, exhausted and not enjoying anything. Even when I got time for myself I was tired and lonely. After working in psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond I realized that I wasn’t really showing up or enjoying the celebrations because I left my personal self out of the picture. I discovered that I could take my own feelings, thoughts and wishes with me whether I was at work or at a family or friend’s gathering. I learned how my personal stuff gave me energy and mixed in well with my social life. Now I am able to be in relationships with all of me present and taken care of. I no longer fear messing one thing up if I mix and match my needs with those of others. My needs don’t have to separate me from the rest of the world, so I am more connected and satisfied. Thirty-something drama teacher.
“ I would get very angry and upset when my loved ones would have a feeling I didn’t like. It felt like I was being robbed of my good mood. My wish was that I could flick a switch inside them that would make them stop.
Then when I wanted them to connect with me I wanted to put the switch back on. It was very frustrating not being able to have access to that switch. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me understand that no one could take away my good feelings, and I couldn’t make others feel or not feel things to suit my mood. Although it was tough and took a while I don’t turn myself “off and on” and so I don’t need to do that to my loved ones either. I’ve discovered that we are all okay having our feelings and sharing them, without having to control each other.” Relieved father and husband who improved and saved his marriage.
“ I was uncomfortable talking about my family with my husband. I thought he would want to divorce me if he knew how crazy they were.
I discovered that my refusal to talk about it made my husband feel pushed away and more suspicious. I learned how to talk to him about my family and was surprised to get a sympathetic and understanding response. Since starting couples psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond, we both talk more about our childhoods without fear or shame. Couples psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped us be more open and has brought us closer together.” Business woman.
I felt squeezed dry by family wanting more and more while I got less and less
“ It was really hard for me to hide my feelings. I would get angry and resentful when my efforts to do things for my partner, parents and sisters were taken for granted.
They wanted more and more and I got less and less. I would get into a bad mood and feel really angry at them for long periods of time. Relationships were strained and just hard work. Every time they called I imagined that they wanted something from me. I hated talking to them. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me put my feelings into words. I developed the courage to speak up and tell them what I felt so that they stopped using me. I don’t feel the need to push the calls away, and am beginning to look forward to contact.” Wife and family care giver.
I got over my fear of sharing myself, and enjoy closer relationships!
“I used to think that thoughts, feelings and behaviors were all the same thing. I believed that if I was thinking that I was also feeling and that everyone would be aware of it. I spent my life trying to hide by feelings and thoughts to make sure I kept myself safe. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond has shown me that thoughts and feelings are separate things and that it isn’t so obvious to others. I have a much better understanding of what is inside me and what shows on the outside. I am not so afraid of being transparent. Now I share more of me because it feels like I have a choice. I feel safer and stronger in relationships and don’t run away for fear that someone else will own me.” Twenty-nine year old office manager.
copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.