Do you know what messages your body language gives your partner? Do you know how to read the signals of defense rather than togetherness? When you are fighting for your point of you, to be made right, and win the battle, then your relationship is in jeopoardy. So alert yourself to the behaviors that stress the "I" part of you, where the couple part is demoted. Then tune into the behaviors that stress the "we" part of the couple so your relationship can survive and thrive.
Anger and hatred often go together when you don't get cared for in the way you want and expect. If your expectations and hopes are dashed over and over again, the anger and loathing get bigger and more ferocious. But you are probably too scared to let it out. You feel love and hate for the person at the same time. These two contrary feelings put you in a bind. You can't walk away, and you can't express your rage. You fear that if the one you are upset with will crumble. Then you won't have anyone to be be attached to, and being alone is more frightening. You imagine that the person you are mad at doesn't care about you - in fact they hate you and are just one step away from walking out on you! So you keep it all in, seething inside with no room for anything else. All that scary anger makes your body release stress hormones to cope with the intense anger that threatens your heart, blood pressure, digestive system and mental well-being.
Imagine if your partner suddenly said they were going to leave you? Would you be shocked, shaken, stunned and destabilized? You would feel insecure and stressed. Then you were probably imagining that everything was fine and that you had the near perfect relationship. Hardly any arguments, shared jobs and good sex. But what about the emotional intimacy?
gluttony from stress When you are overwhelmed and feel like you are sinking in quicksand, your body wants to flee from the threat. But your life style and schedule keep you trapped in a very a very stressful situation. You feel out of control You feel helpless You feel angry and resentful You are terrified of failing or having a breakdown You put even more effort into trying to be perfect and get everything done the way it should be so you can meet your own high standards and expectations You imagine others complimenting you and envying you BUT THE STRESS GETS TO YOU AND ALL YOU WANT IS FOOD. YOU WANT THE COMFORT AND THE NUMBNESS THAT EATING CAN BRING.