Anger and Stress Management Tips for Satisfying Relationships by Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
It’s normal, healthy and appropriate to be furious when you discover that your partner cheated on you.
It’s good that you get worked up and are full of indignation.
It’s useful that your angry energy gives you so much adrenalin that you feel you can move mountains.
BUT DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR THE JUGULAR AND KILL OFF THE FOUNDATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS BEEN CRACKED
OR DO YOU WANT TO TAKE CHARGE, AND RE-CRAFT THE CONNECTION THAT YOU BELIEVED WAS RELIABLE AND STRONG?
Yes, I know – how could I suggest that you accept and forgive and pretend that nothing has happened?
I am not asking you to do that.
I am suggesting that infidelity is a sign that one person in the relationship wants to grow and expand and the other wants to keep things exactly the way they are.
When one partner sees the other ones need to have some life outside the terms of the original relationship parameters, having an affair is often the only way to crack that sealed box open and let it breathe.
If you are the one being cheated on, then you feel betrayed, and can’t see why. Your natural instinct is to protect yourself and take revenge, punishing your partner by ending things or clamping down even harder on the rules.
BUT WHAT IF YOU REALIZED THAT CHEATING GOT YOUR ATTENTION lLIKE NOTHING ELSE DID – AND YOU DISCOVERED THAT YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT YOUR PARTNER NEEDED TO GROW AND DEVELOP RATHER THAN STAY MUMMIFIED IN A GLASS BOX THAT FELT GOOD TO YOU, BUT MUMMIFIED THEM?
Then you could benefit by implenting these three strategies below that help you to grow along with your partner.
You also benefit by keeping pace with your partner and preventing the need to communicate in such drastic ways,, like having affairs.
You are no longer waiting to be victimized again.
Three ways to use your anger productively when your partner is unfaithful to save your relationship
- learn about all the signs that your partner was feeling trapped – which you previously were oblivious to.
- ask yourself what the benefits were to you of being blind – and was it worth the consequences now
- direct the anger towards creating a more flexible and airy relationship together with your partner
REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU TRY AND CLING ONTO A RELATIONSHIP WHERE GROWING AND CHANGING IS A FORM OF BETRAYAL THEN YOU ARE THE ONE CHEATING YOUR PARTNER OUT OF THEIR BIRTHRIGHT AND DOING THE SAME TO YOURSELF.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
You might also like:
Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond