Whenever thirty-six-year-old Danny saw his twenty-nine-year-old partner Liz upset and crying about something he didn’t do, or something expectation he hadn’t met, he would start to feel guilty and ashamed and obey her demands for an apology. He wanted her to stop crying and rescue him from the guilt and shame. He wasn’t really interested in her feelings and how she interpreted his behavior. Each time he apologized she got more angry and would either shut down or berate him even more. Danny floundered, not knowing what to do next or how to keep their connection intact. When he felt aggrieved with Liz for not appreciating his thoughtfulness or his help around the house, he wouldn’t tell her about it. He wanted her to feel bad and apologize for snubbing him, but he wasn’t going to ask. He imagined how sweet it would be when she eventually ate humble pie and begged him to take the apology and resume normal relations
Have you ever been annoyed and frustrated that everything you learned and practiced about managing your emotions failed you at the crucial moment? It’s so disappointing when you have been to an anger management class, or spent time and money on CD’s, DVD’s and or coaches to help you master those intense feelings, only to find that you can’t access that learning when you need it the most. That’s what happened to thirty-six-year-old Hugh a film distributor over and over again when he was out in public with his thirty-four-year old second wife June, a publicist. He was very much in love with June who was beautiful, smart and caring – so different to his first wife who only seemed interested in material things and never made him feel good as a person. Yet, at one of the many parties they attending, when June didn’t go to his side the minute he called her, he felt the blood rush to his head and an irritated voice coming out of him – getting angrier and angrier with each demand he made.
At the age of fifty three Simon dropped dead one evening while sitting on the settee with a drink to unwind after his long and tense day. His three teenage children didn’t notice as they ran around absorbed in their cell phones, while his fifty year old wife Renee busied herself in the kitchen preparing dinner. Success in his limousine business had been hard to come by, but for the last 5 years he grew his customer base and brought home more money. The family home was just the way he and Renee had planned and he had a good network of support in his family and community. He belonged to the local gym, and liked to watch NASCAR racing with his friends. But one thing never got any better – that is the demands made on him by his wife, children, extended family and business partner.
Has your loved one told you that they want nothing more to do with you until you learn how to manage your anger? Are you scared that you will lose your loved one for ever, be alone and miserable for the rest of your life? Do you wish you could just cut out that angry part of you and then live happily ever after? Then you must be feeling even more angry that you can't get rid of that angry monster inside you. Watch this video and learn why you are so angry that other people make relationships with you conditional on you taming your anger!
After nine years of marriage bringing up three children , thirty-two-year-old Maria faced each day reluctantly. Her body felt heavy and the thought of doing another endless round of chores at home and after school activities with her kids made her head and neck hurt. Her thirty-four-year-old husband Carl’s invitation to take her out to dinner barely blipped on her radar. She registered his intention to be kind and cheer her up but within 10 seconds of acknowledging it, her forehead creased up in a tightly knitted frown, just as it had been before he made the offer.