Watching Tom rapt in conversation with their guests made Roxy feel left out and unimportant. Almost as if he heard her wish, Tom asked her for her opinion of the movie they were all talking about. She could hardly speak. She didn't want to be brought in out of pity or courtesy. She wanted Tom to feel her absence and truly desire her opinion, not just act politely ....The only trouble was that Roxie did want him to take another stab at reading her feelings. She didn't want to be just one voice among many but the center of Tom's attention.
Driving along in a state of utter despair, Vicky realized that she resented her son. She was actually jealous of him. Why did he get so much, and why had she got so little? Why did she have to fight for attention, while her son got it just for being her child? As a mother Vicky wants to do the right things and give her son the kind of life she never had. She wants to be the parent to her son that she dreamed of having herself. Usually Vicky is a good, responsible mother. But when Lynn isn't satisfied with her thoughtful sacrifices he turns into her ungrateful father, getting all the good stuff, and she becomes the envious child wanting to spoil his fun.
Do you find yourself tuning off from the person you are with when you know there is going to be a temporary break in your relationship? Is your mind already thinking about the next person or group you are going to be meeting while you are still with your current friend or partner? Then you are probably trying to protect yourself from the pain of separating before it happens by shutting it down while you still have power over it. You may get a sense of control by turning the tap off rather than waiting for it to run dry. But you end up depriving yourself of the love and security that is available for you to enjoy and stock up on.
Are you so eager to see friends or loved ones that you haven't seen for a while that you miss out on what is available to you in the moment? Do you find yourself imagining the future with your long lost connections that you dismiss or devalue what you are receiving in the here and now? Then you are doing a great disservice to yourself and to the people you are with. You are depriving yourself of feeling loved and wanted by those actually with you, and giving them the message that they are no longer on your radar. That can make it hard when you want to reconnect or when you feel the loss of them down the road. You may be afraid that you have to push the old stuff away to make room for the new, but that isn't true.
Valerie was hurt and upset. Barry dismissed her plans for the Thanksgiving holiday but supported the same proposals coming from cousin Ruth. What made it even worse was that Barry seemed oblivious to the stinging rebuke he had dealt his wife. Silenced by the lump growing in her throat and the hot tears pricking her eyes, Valerie pretended to be busy in the kitchen. She had to get a grip on herself for the sake of her guests.
A barrage of customer complaints roused Reuben’s anger. It wasn’t his fault that the city was doing sidewalk repairs and making it difficult for people to enter his cafe for lunch. His anger got worse when his regulars didn’t pay attention to the signs he had put up to warn them of this inconvenience. Each customer had a few minutes of frustration , but he had to suffer entire days of it!
Paul’s heart filled with pride as his year end performance review glowed with positive and encouraging feedback. His heart sank to his boots when the expected raise didn’t materialize. The praise and recognition that made him feel validated turned into a silent, choking, disappointing rage of betrayal. Anger sets off a slew of physiological reactions in the body that prepare it to fight for survival. From stress hormones to increased blood flow in certain regions of the brain, anger acts as a fuel, providing the energy that motivates you to act in your own best interests. How you decide to use that energy determines whether you have a positive or negative outcome.
The damage to the car was the least of Terry's worries. Shocked, he was unable to take in any words of comfort or reassurance from his wife. He was oblivious to the affectionate nuzzling of his dog, and the adoring smile of his two year old daughter. He replayed the scene in his head a million times. Each time he pressed the rewind button he rehearsed ways in which he could have avoided this disaster. If only the clock could be turned back.! But life wasn't that kind, and neither was Terry. He tortured himself for not paying attention and bringing shame on himself.
Do you find yourself telling little white lies to avoid arguments or to avoid hurting or enraging a friend, loved one or colleague? Then you are not alone. It’s human and understandable when you want to get out of a mess or stop one from happening. But did you know that even the smallest of lies can make you sick, feel bad about yourself, demotivate you and ultimately destroy your relationships? A crisis that rocked Winston’s peace of mind forced him to come to terms with the damage he was doing to himself when he constantly lied to his girlfriend and others in the mistaken belief that he was taking care of their feelings. After a series of lies that became part of his way of keeping the status quo he found himself with a constant sinus infection, fatigue and anxiety about his self-worth.
Do you get frustrated when your friends and loved ones just don't accept what you are trying to share? Are you so fired up to connect with loved ones in a place of mutual agreement that you try to back up your facts with evidence from gurus, books and famous people? Then your anxiety about being in the same place of shared understanding in order to feel connected gets in the way of your credibility. Learn how your anxiety to connect masks the facts and gets you more stressed, anxious and frustrated. Your loved ones are least likely to listen and accept what you are trying to convey when your anxiety about connecting takes center stage. They aren't going to trust that you have something meaningful to offer as you seem more invested in convincing them than believing in your own truth.