when one partner wants emotional caring and the other wants actions and tangible evidence of love it causes relationship stress. Marriages and partnerships come under strain. Stress overload makes one or both partner's ill. Illness such as infections and pain can reflect the stress and stimulate a compromise that helps you and your loved find an acceptable point of agreement for giving what is needed and accepting what is offered even if it isn't your preferred or ideal way.
When you can't seem to get through to your loved ones or they don't believe what you say it may be because you are giving mixed messages even though you feel clear and direct in your messages. Learn how to get all parts of your message in synch by orchestrating your emotions in an open and transparent way so that you come across as credible. Then you can have a dialogue based on what's really going on inside you rather than what others misinterpret or distort.
Keeping silent to protect your partner from feeling bad actually makes them feel worse. They get stressed, suspicious and feel estranged from you. Research indicates that avoiding one another works against successful relationships, and constant worry about the feelings of your partner makes you dissatisfied and want to opt out. Learn 3 ways to communicate honestly and build healthy connections.
How do you handle other people when they take what you say and make it all about them? Do you hold a grudge and let it out slowly punishing them over a long period of time, or do you attack them and fight for your spot in the conversation? Either way it's not comfortable or respectful. No one gets heard. This video clip teaches you how to set out the parameters so that you have your turn, get heard and in turn feel ready to hear the other person's experience, comparing notes rather than competing.
Is yours a volatile marriage prone to conflict and likely to break up, or a validating marriage that is happy and supportive? Find out by reading this article and get 8 tips on changing your marriage from a volatile to a validating successful marriage.
Pretending you aren't hurt when things go wrong in your relationships may make you feel strong in the moment. But suppressed and denied hurt turns into hostile contempt and wish for revenge- the ideal recipe for breakups and divorce. Learn how to express your hurt without being accusatory or punishing. Make room for feeling better and more connected when you have given your hurt it's rightful voice.
When you are upset that you aren't as perfect as you aimed for, you may criticize yourself, feel bad about yourself and then withdraw from the people you love. Your sense of being imperfect makes you fearful of getting close. You turn inward and shut loved ones out, making your intimate connections dissolve. Research indicates that the self-critical part of perfectionism is the most destructive force to intimacy.
When you get that feeling that there's no point saying anything because you "know" how your loved one will react, you relive a frozen image of the past and kill any chances of connection. Get this tip on beginning a conversation to share your ideas, experience and feelings by asking questions that keep you both firmly grounded and fresh in your ever changing relationship and enjoy the contact!