Relationship Advice Tips By Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. Just the thought of family tensions, arguments and disappointments can stress you out, fill you with dread and cause fatigue. Anticipating hurt and misunderstandings while at the same time hoping it will be different this time sets you up for a roller coaster of emotions that make [...]
Having got her parents to acknowledge and care for her Chantal won her battle but lost her zest for life. Dry and brittle skin reflected the dried out insides she was experiencing as she lost motivation for life. An old stress disappeared but a new one arrived.
Relationships were hard work and Shirley was angry about it. There was no end to it. That made her even more angry. The angrier Shirley became the less her husband and children wanted to be near her. They too felt that they had to please her in order to be loved and accepted. Proving love through obedience rather than through a genuine joy of sharing herself with her family became the name of the game.
Playing with your partner rather than alongside your partner keeps you in the moment, and helps you lower your guard. Physical activities such as playing in the sand or in a pool build trust, whereas competitive games like golf or chess set the stage for winning and losing, creating distance in the process. Playing spontaneously brings naturalness and vulnerability that promotes intimacy.
Tony’s anger at having to wait all his life for his parents to take the initiative overtook any sense of pleasure in the victory. He was angry about all the efforts he had made that went nowhere. He was angry that he had been rebuffed for so long. He was deeply hurt that his parents didn’t appear to have any desire to get to know his children. Now that his parents were coming the anger was let loose from the vault he had used to store it. How can Tony reconcile his joy and anger?
You know what it’s like after a disagreement or fight when you don’t want to be the first to speak, to make up, to get things back on a good footing with your loved one? So instead of waiting for your partner to go first, take a step toward intimacy by sharing your feelings. It will bring you nine positive outcomes including contentment that you are accepted, and more space and attention to be fully present in the moment