How to Make up After a Fight and Find Intimacy
Relationship Advice Tips by Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A FIGHT AND FIND INTIMACY
You know what it’s like after a disagreement or fight when you don’t want to be the first to speak, to make up, to get things back on a good footing with your loved one?
But you are longing for them to see that you are upset. You ache for them to initiate contact so you can finally express your feelings without the threat of dismissal or rejection?
The longer it lasts the more you feel as if you are in a pressure cooker
The uncertainty in the relationship causes tension, anxiety and stress.
Stress leads to you preparing for the worst by being defensive
OR
Being frozen and shut down so that you don’t provoke an imagined attack.
A defensive stance keeps you holding onto your feelings and adds more stress
A frozen numb stance means you are unavailable to your partner
Either way you lose. You remain stressed and compromise your health.
Research has shown that keeping your feelings hidden with a defensive attitude raises blood pressure and puts you at risk for a heart attack..( McGill University 2010)
INTIMACY REDUCES STRESS AND CREATES STRONG RELATIONSHIP BONDS
Partners are aware of stress in each other, and are often able to accurately predict the source of that stress. (Journal of Stress and Health, 2010)
Research has also shown that sharing your feelings in an act of self-disclosure, i.e. being intimate with your loved one, is the best antidote to stress.(Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, 2008)
So instead of waiting for your partner to go first, take a step toward intimacy by sharing your feelings.
When you are aware of your partner’s stress, take a step toward intimacy by sharing your sense of distress in your partner and invite a sharing of feelings.
It will bring you: 
- contentment that you are accepted
- more space and attention to be fully present in the moment
- less tension in the body so you are receptive to affection
- touch and affection reduces blood pressure
- your brain hears and smells sensually instead of through fear
- sensual tones in the body lead to a better sex life
- good sex creates better bonds when oxytocin is released in the blood
- stronger bonds make you feel safe and secure
- safety and security give you energy and enthusiasm to live life to the full
AUDIO TIP ON HOW TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS DURING TIMES OF TENSION
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Disclaimer: receipt of this information does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond. All information is for educational purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have when implementing any of all of the strategies outlined.
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